She is 88 and has macular degeneration, hearing loss & cancer. I’m so worried to leave her over night. She stays up half of the night watching tv and often sleeps in until noon. We have never left her alone over night. She is so upset with us saying she wants to live her own life the way she wants & doesn’t want or need anyone to stay with her while we are gone but she doesn’t drive, can’t read anymore... I do all the cooking and shopping, medical appointments, anything she needs. It’s gotten to the point now all we do is argue about this topic as the date gets closer to our departure... I am going to speak to her elder care attorney to see what legal issues if any there are. She is so stubborn and is now threatening to move into an assisted living place... My husband & I feel we do everything possible to please her but are now upset that she won’t cooperate and let us feel good about getting away. Any suggestions for us?
What’s the downside of her eventually moving to assisted living? Have you really listed the pros and cons? Most people on this forum are trying to figure out how to get their folks INTO AL.
"Mother, Hubby and I have talked it over and agree that you are right. You should be able to live your life as you see fit, without someone hovering over you. When you are in assisted living there will always be staff available in case of an emergency or if you need help, but they won't actually be in your apartment with you. As soon as we are back I'll help you look for an ALF that suits you."
"While we are gone I'd like to set things up sort of like an assisted living facility. There would be someone here to see about meals and minor housekeeping but mostly to be available in the unlikely event of an emergency. You won't have to interact with her unless you want to. She'll make breakfast when you want it, whether that is 9 am or noon. It will give us peace of mind. By the next time we go out of town you'll probably be in your own assisted living apartment so this is a one-time deal. Can you put up with it once, for our sakes?"