How can I stop 16 family members from visiting my 90 year old parent? I’ve explained that he is not able to tolerate noise and a lot of talking bc he lives alone. None of them understand and think it will be a great family reunion. Dad has said I can’t have that many in my house at once. They just don’t get it and say they are going and staying with him no matter what. What can I do?
So my advise is grab your daddy and head out of town the weekend they are coming. Don't tell them. Just do it. Sending you strength to combat those idiots.
Didn't visit when able to (unthinking) but "oh look at me I'm the most caring loving person to visit the sick" (ego booster) but then turns up against other people's wishes (selfish +++).
I had this before when recovering. I said no to in-person visitors (txt updates were sent). Relative says But I HAVE to come I HAVE to see you are OK. I explained very nicely - no. She appeals to her flying monkeys.. they all join in "you'll hurt her feelings.. she needs to come... she worries...".
Why do these people think THEIR wish to visit overrules the actual patient's wishes???
Said No on phone (ignored), put No Visitor sign on door (ignored). Door bell rings (we ignored) then knocking on & on. DH made an excellent doorman. We saw the true colours that day - colour *narcissist*.
I'm so fed up with people who act like Grandma and Grandpa are the way they always were, and if they aren't, they'll just perk up once they're blessed with a visit from the clueless ones.
The fact that they're willing to risk killing him is beyond the pale.
If you lay down the law in no uncertain terms and still think you'll be ignored, I suggest you get Dad out of the house before the pests intend to descend upon him and take him to your house for a short time. What they're proposing is tantamount to attempted murder as far as I'm concerned.
Option 2: Work with them so dad has his getaway space while they’re visiting.
You're presenting a scenario that feels like there’s another side to this story.
Why do all 16 want to come at once? Are they afraid this will be their last time? Is there a history of family reunions? Do they have plans to keep the commotion down? It’s not like most houses accommodate 16 guests, so are they planning to stay in a hotel and visit dad in small hellos)?
Mostly, why are 16 family members willing to defy and upset dad … unless he never told them no.
Advise that visitors from farther away could stay in hotels or camp in the garden. Perhaps borrow or hire some gazebos for shade etc. Visitors are responsible for their own catering arrangements.
It can work but boundaries have to be presented clearly and stuck to.
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