She was making no effort or progress. My sister has always been terribly inactive. Her hobbies have always been and still are reading and watching tv. I believe she is happy staying in bed 24/7 at the assisted living home. She is in diapers as well - does not use the commode and has no interest in trying. I am beside myself as I just don't understand how a person at a young 66 could just give up on resuming a normal life. (I am 58 yo and live in Georgia - she is in Arizona). At one point she did make a bit of progress walking with a walker but HATED the PT and complained that "it hurt" and she was "too tired" and just wanted to stay in bed. She is on both anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds so I don't believe depression is causing lack of motivation - I just believe she is comfortable being lazy. I am her only support and I am really struggling. But I can't continue to beat myself up. I am so angry she has chosen this route and put this burden (handling her finances and healthcare choices, appointments) on me. Why should I try to help her any more when she not helping herself. Has anyone else been thru this and how did you handle and/or accept it?
You can not help her, she has to want to do that for herself.
Tell her that you can no longer manage her healthcare choices or her appointments. Someone in the A L facility where she is living can help her do that.
If she really can not manage her finances and if you can continue to do that OR tell her that she needs to find someone to do that as well.
If she can no longer make decisions for herself you can talk to a lawyer, best would be Elder Care Attorney and say you can no longer manage her and she needs a Guardian. The court will appoint a Guardian if there is no one you or she knows that is willing to do so
Sympathize with your sister, but in the end, she has made her choices and has to live with them.
She barely did the leg exercises and any attempt to get her up and walking was met with the same lack of interest.
She refused to participate in any of the activities, she would not eat her meals in the dining room. The only thing she actively participated in was going to the salon to have her hair washed and set every week. The rest of the time she wanted to stay in bed and watch TV.
So, you can worry yourself into a tizzy, or you can accept the fact that she is not going to participate in anything that will improve her health. With all kindness, I advise you to leave her to the decision she has made. It might not be what you or I would choose, but you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Sending you a big hug because I know how hard it is to see someone just vegetated, when they could get better with just a little trying.
And I know that you say that she's on an antidepressant, but that doesn't mean that that particular one is working. Anyone that I have known who suffers from depression, has had to try multiple medications before they found one that worked(and sometimes it was a combination of medications as well). It does seem like your sister is still depressed. But that's on her, not you.
You can't help or change someone that doesn't want help or to change, so quit beating yourself up, and start living and enjoying your life.
It might be best for you to limit your time talking with her, and spending time with her, since it seems to be quite upsetting for you to do so. Your sister has made her bed, and she will now have to lie in it(and probably be quite happy doing so LOL!)but that doesn't mean that you have to lie in it with her. Best wishes.
I know a woman who lived with a brain aneurysm for years. Raised kids, was involved in things and kept up her house. It did not stop her from living.
If she can handle her own stuff, then tell her you r no longer going to do it. How many bills can she have? She just pays her rent. Appts, she can do for herself or even the RN at the AL. Healthcare, she has Medicare and a suppliment. If she is of sound mind she can do all this. Do you have actual POA? I may keep up what ur doing but add on nothing she can do for herself. If she choses not to do it when u won't, oh well.
I am all for helping to a point. I'm the type that will go out of my way to get you the info you need on services, ect. Even to the point that I will get you the applications but after that its up to you to take advantage of the info. My friend was a "Debbie Downer". Oh poor me. Well, she lost friends with that attitude. Estranged her boys to a point and died alone. Her boys didn't visit her until she was on hospice. It was COVID so not too many visitors. Me, she had sent me a nasty message that I expected an apology for when she found out the truth. Never happened. I did send cards, books and flowers but I didn't visit. I had been taken advantage of too many times.
So, you may tell sister that she may die a very lonely person. That as she ages so do you. That you will not be putting ur life on hold for her. So, she can live her life the way she wants, just don't expect you to pick up the pieces.