Dual POA with my sister. I've been so caregiver for yrs. My sister very rarely sees my mom. Mom feel was in hospital then rehab. She and husband came up. They wanted her to immediately go to nursing home. Mom said no. I made a promise for as long as I physically could I wouldn't put her or dad in a home. Once in the rehab, day 1, I got a call and had been reported by two people for abuse and neglect on my mother. I was devastated. I was pretty sure who did it. My mom didn't believe they would do it. I was investigated for months. While this was going on everytime I went to see my mom dear ole brother in law would meet me in the hall and told me to leave. Or block me. Once they were gone so I got to see mom. She asked where I'd been. She didn't believe me. She they said I was stealing stuff from her home. My daughter was too. I had 12 call from police in 2 weeks they were here. I was a wreck. And everyone believed them. I was first on the list at the rehab to be called about things. I never got called even when she was leaving. On the day she was released. They went straight to the bank, drained her savings and checking. Moved her to Arkansas to my sisters. I hadn't seen my mom in weeks. No one will answer my calls. The people who had the charges on me cleared me and called to apologize to me. They asked how my mom was. I told them didn't know. They asked why so I told them. They were shocked. They said they did exactly what you said they would do. I dont know what rights I have. My sister says she's moms in her right mind...when its convenient. But I have a text when mom was in the hospital where she said mom wasn't. Mom only has an 8th grade education and I did all of her bookkeeping and checkbook balancing. My nephew wants the land. They need money. Please help.
I would consult an attorney.
I've heard of these differences many mnay times.
Sib A. Is for Home Care 100%.
Sib B. Is 100% for Aged Care Home (AL, MC or NH).
They each view home care & aged care home through their own lens.
They may demonise each other.
Yes there can be those with financial agenda's too. Those that wish to hold on to a property (this can be either side).
See what free legal advice is available to you first.
While I understand your wanting to know where mom is, and that she's safe, are you sure you want to continue being her primary caregiver under these circumstances? You don't mention anything in your profile about her having any sort of cognitive decline. So is she easily influenced by your sister? If she can be so easily convinced that you, her child and primary caregiver, are lying and stealing from her, why would you want to continue to put yourself into that line of fire, so to speak? And if there is indeed some sort of dementia in play here, that paranoia is only going to get worse, and not better.
If I were in your position, I would have to seriously consider just how far I want to take this fight to get back to being her primary caregiver, promise or no. After all, you were willing to keep your promise, but HER decision to go with your sister releases you from that vow, in my opinion.
But if it was me I would back off . 10- 15 years ago ignorant me probably would have stayed for the fight . I’ve gotten wiser.
Lilkotasgma, if you decide to try and you get control back of Moms care and moms money . Please put her in a facility . Living with her under your care will make you a target for accusations .
I would also question that if both of you are equal POAs, doesn't anything done for Mom have to be signed off by both POAs. Does ur POA say "and" or "or" when it comes to your dual responsibilities.
You can call Adult Protective Services and / or get a lawyer. Most folks can't afford a lawyer...start with APS.
Go back in your history, as best as you can, and write down dates, times, places, witnesses, what was said or written. It'll be long and tedious, but that can help show a pattern of action by everyone if it's ever needed.
I do agree with others who recommend you contact Adult Services to report what's been done to your mother's belongings and finances, and seriously consider resigning as POA and step away. Best wishes to you.
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