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Dual POA with my sister. I've been so caregiver for yrs. My sister very rarely sees my mom. Mom feel was in hospital then rehab. She and husband came up. They wanted her to immediately go to nursing home. Mom said no. I made a promise for as long as I physically could I wouldn't put her or dad in a home. Once in the rehab, day 1, I got a call and had been reported by two people for abuse and neglect on my mother. I was devastated. I was pretty sure who did it. My mom didn't believe they would do it. I was investigated for months. While this was going on everytime I went to see my mom dear ole brother in law would meet me in the hall and told me to leave. Or block me. Once they were gone so I got to see mom. She asked where I'd been. She didn't believe me. She they said I was stealing stuff from her home. My daughter was too. I had 12 call from police in 2 weeks they were here. I was a wreck. And everyone believed them. I was first on the list at the rehab to be called about things. I never got called even when she was leaving. On the day she was released. They went straight to the bank, drained her savings and checking. Moved her to Arkansas to my sisters. I hadn't seen my mom in weeks. No one will answer my calls. The people who had the charges on me cleared me and called to apologize to me. They asked how my mom was. I told them didn't know. They asked why so I told them. They were shocked. They said they did exactly what you said they would do. I dont know what rights I have. My sister says she's moms in her right mind...when its convenient. But I have a text when mom was in the hospital where she said mom wasn't. Mom only has an 8th grade education and I did all of her bookkeeping and checkbook balancing. My nephew wants the land. They need money. Please help.

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This is all a bit overwhelming to expect a group of strangers from all around the country (and the world) to be able to suggest remedy for.

I would consult an attorney.
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Sarah3 Oct 2023
Unfortunately for many that’s not feasible, esp if the op has not been compensated over the years, support in itself is always encouraging even if a person doesn’t have the answers
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The Only thing you can do is file for guardianship and see if elder services can provide you with Names of reasonable elder attorneys and file for Guardianship / Conservatorship . At Least your daughter is a witness and APS has done some Investigation. The Bank can show Proof of criminal activity . Often times this happens to single woman who become caregivers and then the Married relatives Gang Up On them when Its time to cash Out . Really shows you the true nature of Human Beings . This Happens all too often and No One protects the caregivers .
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Sarah3 Oct 2023
If there’s the slightest indication or history siblings are capable of it I would sadly for one’s own protection health quality of life etc strongly recommend not to be a caregiver with relatives like that
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If such a thing exists, legal mediation. A professional, impartial third party to hear both sides. With aim that you two sisters gain insight to the other's point of view.

I've heard of these differences many mnay times.

Sib A. Is for Home Care 100%.

Sib B. Is 100% for Aged Care Home (AL, MC or NH).

They each view home care & aged care home through their own lens.

They may demonise each other.

Yes there can be those with financial agenda's too. Those that wish to hold on to a property (this can be either side).

See what free legal advice is available to you first.
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Sarah3 Oct 2023
Mediation is a great option but I’m not sure if it would work for the type of people her relatives, out for themselves and no appreciation either for the years of caregiving the op provided. I think it may be worth requesting they attend but again it requires people on both sides to have basic honesty and decency
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It sounds like this has gotten pretty complicated. I would ask for written statements from the people who investigated and cleared you, take a copy of your POA paperwork, and then go speak to an attorney. You can also report the sister to the AG office in your state for financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult. You can also call Adult Protective Services in the state where your mom now resides, tell them your situation, and ask that they investigate. Additionally, as POA, you can sue your sister in civil court on behalf of your mom. But your first step is retaining an attorney.
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Something about your post jumped out at me: twice, you said when you told your mom something, she didn't believe you - once, when you told her your suspicions about who made the allegation about you and the second time when she asked where you had been, and she didn't believe your answer. Then you say "she said they said I was stealing stuff from her home". Did she believe them in that instance as well?

While I understand your wanting to know where mom is, and that she's safe, are you sure you want to continue being her primary caregiver under these circumstances? You don't mention anything in your profile about her having any sort of cognitive decline. So is she easily influenced by your sister? If she can be so easily convinced that you, her child and primary caregiver, are lying and stealing from her, why would you want to continue to put yourself into that line of fire, so to speak? And if there is indeed some sort of dementia in play here, that paranoia is only going to get worse, and not better.

If I were in your position, I would have to seriously consider just how far I want to take this fight to get back to being her primary caregiver, promise or no. After all, you were willing to keep your promise, but HER decision to go with your sister releases you from that vow, in my opinion.
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waytomisery Oct 2023
I agree , This was my first thought too . To just step away and not risk being accused of anything. I actually started to type that and erased it because I thought OP was so committed to her promise and concerned that family was stealing Mom’s money , that I ended up with a different suggestion that OP might try .
But if it was me I would back off . 10- 15 years ago ignorant me probably would have stayed for the fight . I’ve gotten wiser.

Lilkotasgma, if you decide to try and you get control back of Moms care and moms money . Please put her in a facility . Living with her under your care will make you a target for accusations .
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I just want to say, if ur Sister drains Moms assets and somehow nephew gets the land, Sister will be in deep s**t if Medicaid ever is needed. Because anything done within 5 years of application, will be considered a gift if not used on Moms care. This means penalties and Mom needing to be cared by Sis or Sis pays for her care.

I would also question that if both of you are equal POAs, doesn't anything done for Mom have to be signed off by both POAs. Does ur POA say "and" or "or" when it comes to your dual responsibilities.
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Absolutely get copies of paperwork clearing you and seek advice from the attorney who drew up the POA docs OR hire your own attorney to discuss your rights.
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Speak with Elder Law Attorney
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Dual responsibility rarely works. Family drama is the absolute worst.

You can call Adult Protective Services and / or get a lawyer. Most folks can't afford a lawyer...start with APS.
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Sarah3 Oct 2023
I was about to post a comment along the lines of most importantly document get written statements that cleared her but realistically a lot of people don’t have the means to pay these greedy lawyers, esp if she hasn’t been adequately compensated for the years of caregiving so the go to automatic answer “get a lawyer” is often not realistic esp if the sibling has ability and wants to continue a legal fight. For many people a lawyer is affordable for something simple and not contentious- personal injury and employee right lawyers don’t charge upfront unless they win, it’s a shame that lawyers to help w this usually take advantage and charge exorbitant fees
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I am so sorry this has happened to you. A lot of advice and support here so I won't repeat it. I strongly recommend you document everything.

Go back in your history, as best as you can, and write down dates, times, places, witnesses, what was said or written. It'll be long and tedious, but that can help show a pattern of action by everyone if it's ever needed.

I do agree with others who recommend you contact Adult Services to report what's been done to your mother's belongings and finances, and seriously consider resigning as POA and step away. Best wishes to you.
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