This has been ongoing for decades. My grandmother once wrote me a letter saying she wanted my sister to "not have nothing to do with nothing when I get gone," which was her way of talking. My sister convinced grandma's sister to be her POA, then stole aunt's belongings from grandma.
Mom became ill 2 years ago. She convinced our parents she is the almighty golden child, the best "Christian," to get dad to name her POA over mom. She was kicked out of every area hospital for screaming at nurses, threatening them if they did not "Get back here and take care of her," when they left to take care of other patients. Mom died 3 months ago.
My sister is an entitled narcissist who quickly became caregiver when dad got COVID last month. He just got out of the hospital. He is minister of a small conservative church where nobody wears masks, they keep passing COVID around. My sister believes if you "take a COVID test, you will have COVID," and convinced dad of other conspiracy theories. She's unvaccinated, yet takes care of him, even though he's on oxygen from COVID! She convinces him to keep my younger sister and I from knowing anything because we "will cause trouble." It does not register with him, WHAT trouble? Just that idea of "trouble," so therefore, everything needs to be kept from us. One example is I could not reach my mother about a year before she died. I called dad. He said he was at the grocery and mom was at home. I knew something was wrong, but I am 90 miles away. I called hospitals and my mother had been in the hospital two days! I called my minister, lying father back and asked why he said she was at home when she was really in the hospital. He told me not to tell my younger sister because "she will cause trouble." Mom thought we just didn't want to see her, but we didn't even know she was there! Now, dad is at home after 2 weeks in the hospital from COVID and pneumonia. When I asked my sister on the 3rd day why she never let me know he was in the hospital, she said she "really just didn't think about it." Yet, she parked herself at his bedside every day. Now, she stays at the house 24/7 with her husband coming over if she has to go to the store, isolating us from him. My younger sister and I can't spend one second alone with our father. We firmly believe she removed mom's belongings, just like she removed all grandma's belongings to a storage facility, then sold even valuable antiques for pennies on the dollar at a yard sale held at her friend's house so we would not recognize the address.
My sister has convinced my dad that my other sister and I are "trouble," that we are "sinners," and lord knows what else. My nephew, her adult son, made a horrific statement to my younger sister at mom's funeral. The funeral was held at my dad's church. The funeral home guy asked my younger sister which flowers we wanted to go to the cemetery and which to stay at the church. My younger sister said to take the larger flowers to cemetery and leave smaller arrangements at church. My nephew said, "That is NOT your decision to make; that is MY MOM's decision!" They turned the funeral into a Broadway production! My younger sister and I were never asked for pics of us or our kids with our mother. We were shocked to see a video of 100+ pics of mom and my narcissistic, greedy sister and her kids constantly playing on a huge screen throughout the entire visitation and funeral, and none of us.
How can I stop her? I know she is taking advantage of dad and has likely removed mom's belongings, but with his blessing, probably telling dad we will steal them, when it's really her taking everything. Mom's bedroom door is locked. My sister has room and house keys, but not me or my other sister. I know dad would fail competency test, but I don't want him in a home. He will not tell us who is in charge of his affairs when he dies. Mom used to say, "They'll know," not understanding that we have to know who to call! Dad is 86, we are in our 60s.
Help!
Sadly the death of a parent really shows the narcissist true colors. I’m thinking of having a private ceremony for my mother after she dies, my sister made my father’s passing a nightmare for me. I refuse to let someone control me anymore.
My narcissist sister is across the other side of the world with my disabled mother. I can’t imagine what she’s telling my relative about me. I’ve gone over and beyond for my family, it’s not my job anymore to make my mother happy. She shouldn’t be destroying my marriage or life because she doesn’t have her act together.
Do YOU want to be his caregiver? As noted below, you could sue fir guardianship ( would probably cost you 10k, but dad's money would reimburse you if/when you win). Problem is, if the judge sees family fighting over guardianship, s/he will usually appoint a non-relative guardian.
If you think she's financially exploiting him, report to Adult Protective Services.