Follow
Share

Aloha, My dear 93 yr old Mom needs 24/7 care. She is mentally and physically fine, but has some cognitive issues due to a stroke in early 2018.


I was her full time caregiver for 2 years but needed a break. I have 3 terrific caregivers that go above and beyond. They love her and would do anything for her.


The issue is that Mom is running out of money as the caregiving cost is close to 2K/yr. She will be broke in a year so we need to come up with a change so Mom can stay at home for the rest of her life.


Does anyone know of where I might look for live in help for a trade ?


I was thinking one girl could do 8am-6pm and the other 10pm-8am.


There would be a a 4 hour of paid help from 6-10. The night time would be pretty easy and the day would include lots more hands on, though Mom reads 10 hours/day. However, I need the caregivers to do more hands on re-hab that I have set up for 20min every hour x 5 hours/day. It would include cooking, serving, med reminder and help in the bathroom.


I would give them a month (maybe to Hawaii) break every 4-6 months.


They would have plenty of privacy in the house and an acre to roam, garden, etc as well as a very nice neighborhood to take walks around.


I need a site or sites to go to where this is common... "Live in care for free rent". It's very possible we could ad a stipend for each person. More for the day person depending upon the person. Mom is likely to live at least 7 more years (as did her parents) and I would want the same persons to commit to however long she lives.


I will do anything to keep my Mom at home where she is happiest.


Any help or ideas of where I could place an ad ? I would be forever grateful. I hope to hear from all of you soon. Thank you so much ! :)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

23 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Personally I would move mom into nursing home. The issue with relying on caregivers is that there will come a time when they will need off, quit, get sick, etc. Let's say you find the perfect person or people. How do you know for the next few years they will be working on this schedule- you don't. Then you will be back to square one. I've been lucky that I found some great caregivers on care.com, however, as my father now needs more and more care, I am looking into nursing homes. If you do decide not to place mom in a nursing home, I would call some local care agencies. Some agencies do offer live in aides, and they also do background checks, etc.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
There's another option for the work tasks:   instead of each assuming certain responsibilities, cross train them so they can pinch hit for each other.    That provides back-up if one of the workers is ill or needs to be absent for family reasons.  

And it could be a bonding experience for them, making the work more valuable in terms of skills develeoped in the long run.   From what I'm seeing and have heard about some younger employees, bonding and pinch hitting, and teamwork, isn't necessarily automatically in their vocabularies.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Some things to consider when offering the vacation time in Hawaii, would all 3 be going at once? Would you be paying for the airfare, provide a vehicle? If they choose not to go to Hawaii will you be offering a cash bonus in its stead? In this day and age you have to spell everything out, plain and easily understood or you will be getting accused of misleading employees.

Will you be paying them a paycheck with matching Ss/Medicare and workmans comp insurance and all the other requirements? I personally think that is a must, it protects you and your employee.

I would think that you will be able to find good help, this is 581.00 weekly and they are receiving room and board in addition. Not shabby in the least.

One thing that I would consider is making all 3 the same and doing 12 hour shifts with rotating schedules so the everyone gets a long weekend on a regular basis and no one is stuck with the most labor intensive caregiving hours. If mom is sundowning and needs lots of care from 6 to 10, make your shift start at say 4 or 5, then the shift changes in the early am and everyone is getting decent sleep every night and the caregiver is fairly fresh to cope with behaviors.

I had a business and when I needed extra hands I would lay it out to my employees, here's the work load and you tell me, do you want to do it or should I hire extra guys? That way they felt part of the team and got extra money for working overtime and I didn't have the hassle of finding new temp employees. Just a thought to consider when thinking about the number of caregivers. Because I think that you may find 3 women living together to be a challenge. (I am going to get sniped for that, but we all know it is true.)

Don't discount husband and wife teams or parent offspring. Just some ideas for you.

I thank you for clarifying the reality of your request. As you can see that most of us have seen to many requests for room and board as full pay.

I hope you find a team that takes care of your mom and gives her the best care possible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I was initially somewhat surprised by the sarcastic responses to this post about live in help. After reflection, I decided they made a lot of sense. A lot of us are equating live in care givers to our own single unsupported experiences providing 24/7 care giving to a LO. Others are following a "living wage" ideal and want career compensation to support a family lifestyle. Respectively, neither of those apply to this poster's situation.

The poster clear states she wants to engage multiple people. She is not looking at "live in" as a way to overload someone. The 4 hour evening shift is apparently going to be a fully task engaged shift taking care of Mom, probably including cooking and bathing. The other two shifts are going to be providing help as needed or on demand; you have to be there and you have to be available to provide care, but you will also have time for your own pursuits. The home is large with a good yard and probably in a very nice neighborhood. The "live in" option is a way to provide a portion of the compensation and extend the time her mother's funds will support her aging in place. I recommended the OP consider 3 attendants for the "as needed" coverage, which would mean 47 hours a week: 20 hours * 7 days = 140 hours / 3 = 46.667 hours of coverage per week, and probably something like 20-25 hours of task work.

There are a lot of good people who struggle with affordable housing options. There are a lot of good people, particularly in semi-skilled or physically demanding trades who struggle to maintain employment as they age, many of whom live alone and often feel isolated. A lot of students need someplace to stay and don't have much beyond their clothes and a bedroom suite; avoiding loans for living expenses is a very important goal in this group. A live-in job that offers the opportunity to live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood is _very_ desirable to a lot of these folks.

Employment is a mutually beneficial relationship. You sell your skills and labor to create a benefit for another person. If you are a 59 year old divorcee with heel spurs, grown kids, and young grandchildren, "downsizing" into a live-in care giver job with somewhat flexible scheduling so you can delay drawing pensions or 401k could make a lot of sense. How many posters on this forum gave up their job to care for aging parents and are looking or will be looking for a home when their parents die? This job could be a big upgrade for a college or graduate student or even just a young adult who's working retail or food services. It's not a career job, but it is certainly a good job to fill some of life's transitions.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Isthisrealyreal avatar
I
Isthisrealyreal Dec 2019
With her clarification it does change things considerably.

I think that she won't have any problems finding people.
(1)
Report
I would forego a public ad and instead search for an employment agency that focuses on in-home care, does background investigations, interviews and screens candidates, just like someone would do if he/she were looking for a full time job in a specific profession. 

Although I searched ads when I needed a new job, that dynamic has changed and the personal interaction changed with it.    Any criminal can pretend to be something else through on-line resources. 

Some agencies also focus on fields, such as law, engineering, and I'm guessing that since home care is becoming more competitive, that field as well. The agency can do all the work and just send you selected candidates to interview.   Obviously there's a "finder's fee", but I think it would be worth it to have only qualified candidates.  

Totally unrelated in profession, but I'm surprised at the difficulty of finding just good, reliable contractors.    Some are very, very strange "contractors", so I've had to hone my interviewing skills to make sure some nutcase doesn't want to bid.    And I've  still encountered a few peculiar potential contractors.    Protect yourself and your mother.

I also think it would be more flattering if you referred to the people you hire as women, not girls.    That infers a gender specific, somewhat condescending attitude in my opinion.    When someone uses that vernacular, I treat them as they would treat others - like girls, like children, not as adults.     I wouldn't say that I'm looking for boys when I'm looking for adult contractors. 

You should also consider paying health insurance as part of the employment package , and you should contact your insurance carrier to discuss liability and comp coverage, which if in Michigan would be a professional, not personal, insurance package.  And don't forget to get a (federal) EIN number, deduct taxes and file with the IRS and Hawaii government. 

I do think the long term commitment isn't realistic; life changes, and we live in a volatile political and weather climate.   Families change, people change; that's just too long a commitment for someone who hasn't even tried out the position.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Thank you for ALL your great thoughts. I really appreciate it.
It's late so I can't think anymore, but I really appreciate your thoughts.
Happy Holidays.
(1)
Report
Decades ago, a great-aunt in her late 70s with a large Victorian home engaged 3 widows in their 50s to live in large rooms on the second floor while taking care of the house and providing care for my aunt as needed. She paid each lady a stipend and provided 6 months of living expenses for the household (including their stipend) and a final bonus for them in her will. By the time my aunt died, all three ladies were old enough to draw SS and had accumulated some savings. My aunt basically shared the entire house with each lady having their bedroom as a private area and the arrangement worked well. If I remember correctly, the live in ladies even rotated hosting their families for holiday meals.

I would encourage you to meet with an attorney and develop a contract that covers the live-in's duties (including work shifts: covering 1/3 of day and night shifts, 1/2 of weekend shifts, 2 contiguous days off for a normal weekend, 4 contiguous days off for a long weekend, one long weekend each month, etc.), vacation/holiday/illness time off, areas of the house available for their exclusive or shared use, limitations on guests, grocery and consumables allowance (who buys the toilet paper), damage liability, and how many days they will have to vacate once employment ends or when your mother dies. How many shifts do they need to cover the basic stipend? More money for extra shifts? How many missed shifts before the stipend is reduced? I would reserve the Hawaii vacation as an annual performance "bonus" once someone has provided quality care for at least 9-12 months.

You will need to develop a basic rotating primary duty schedule so that each person has some days, nights and weekends off. I suggest planning to hire extra help to cover holidays so the live-ins can join their families.

I would not run an ad anywhere. I suggest you contact area ministers and colleges (especially scholarship and placement offices) looking for people who do not have a more permanent home and/or for whom housing expenses are a disproportionate drain on their income. People in or studying service fields like nursing, social work, teaching, etc. may be more likely to work out. Do initial screenings in a public venue away from your mother's home.

Not knowing where your mother lives, I cannot even suggest what a reasonable stipend would be there. In my area I would think $1200-$1400 a month would be reasonable based on 47 hours a week of coverage with about half actually on task and about half on call. Room and board is usually about 50% of income so the stipend would allow enough to cover auto and personal expenses with several hundred of disposable income.

Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
"We have 3 girls, one makes $69,120/yr, the other $63,360/yr and the other $38,400/yr for 24/7 care or 168 hours /wk."

Are you withholding taxes, or is this all under the table?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Paying taxes.
(0)
Report
Beware of anyone accepting this offer.

honestly...this is not an easy job, Typical care giver is paid $15-$18 per hour. So.. if you are doing 24/7. That is $360 PER DAY

over the course of a month it is $10,800. Really? And you think you will get someone to do that for free rent? So.. you would pay $2500. Only. They Could rent a really nice places and buy a cars for the $7500 per month you think your Moms place is worth that?

if someone does come to do this...beware...they are not a very honest person and would look to steal or cheat for real money. Even minimum wage would work out to be $5,500.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Katiekate, first, I don't know how to edit my ad.. but it clearly says I'm looking for TWO people. Each doing 10 hours/day. They would EACH make $2500/mo as well as being able to go to Hawaii and stay in our very nice home with private waterfall and free car every approx 2x/year for EACH person.
In addition, there is a 4 hours that I would pay $20/hr for. That's about $2500/mo in addition . They could each split that like 2 hours each or one week one does it and the other week the other does it. This 4 hour slot is almost all sitting down while Mom reads.
PLUS they get FREE rent in an awesome upscale quiet neighborhood.

We've been paying each woman $20-$25/hr..which comes to $185,000/yr. Mom will be broke in 1 year so I'm trying to come up with ideas. I think it is a pretty good deal.
Thank you for your thoughts and happy holidays.
(0)
Report
Sounds very attractive. Is it too good to be true? It is too bad you made the original typo, you may have received some helpful answers.

Get with an elder law attorney to find out about mom becoming the employer, setting up finances to pay the caregivers directly. I would think that would be a huge savings over what is being paid now, which I assume is through an agency.

If current caregivers are working out, find out what the agency contract says about hiring them directly.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Thank you. I don't know how to edit what I wrote.
Moms been paying over $185,000/year already. She only has $200,000 left in savings, so she will be broke in a year which is why I'm looking for other options. We LOVE our caregivers. They are family. They adore my Mom and visa versa. I've spoken to an elder attorney and her best suggestion was a reverse mortage..but even for an $800,000 house, we'd only get $375, 000 out of it. Mom has longevity in her genes so it's likely she will live to 100 or more so at 93, that wouldn't last but 2 years.
Thank you for your thoughts and insights. Happy Holidays.
(0)
Report
My mother is being discharged from hospital today, and will be starting Home Hospice. I have been her full time caregiver for the past 4 years, and part time care giver for 10 years before that. When she was admitted to hospital 2 weeks ago, she was walking and talking- no longer. So I am very grateful that she was accepted for home hospice. If she doesn't pull through, I will soon be homeless, and looking for alternative arrangements. (Home will be sold and split between siblings.) Have been planning on leaving So Cal, and possibly moving to North East Tennessee, or North Carolina. Wouldn't mind someplace else though. This sound very intriguing to me. Especially the four hour shift. Very interesting.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I would pay them.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6pm-10pm would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Currently we are paying almost $200,000/yr and Mom is going broke which is why I'm looking at my options.

We have 3 girls, one makes $69,120/yr, the other $63,360/yr and the other $38,400/yr for 24/7 care or 168 hours /wk.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
HM, I do understand how badly you long for your mother to stay undisturbed in her lovely home until the end of her days; and I am sure you intend to treat people well.

But come back down to earth. Setting aside the pay-and-benefits issue - what if they're sick, or injured? What if they have other family, and need time off to cope with crises? - what made me goggle at the screen when I was reading your outline is your hope that they'll sign up to an open-ended commitment but which you estimate to be at least seven years.

Well, it might be seven years, or it might be one, or it might be twelve; and in any case when the commitment comes to an end they'll be out on their ears, with no home, no income, and nothing but - one hopes - a glowing testimonial to build their futures on. Who could afford to take such a risk?

You have more options than this home on the one hand, and some dismal nursing home on the other. Just as one idea - what about if your mother downsized to a very nice but much smaller home, would that free up enough funding for one-to-one care?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
btw, whenever anyone cares for a senior, the end always comes. This is a sad part of the job being a senior care giver...you never know how long the job will last. Most people who do this kind of work will go to an agency and get a job very quickly.
One of the caregivers offered to buy a home with a mother in law unit and Mom would live there. She would get paid from the sale of the house monthly but as much as I love my caregivers offer which is amazing, good for her of course too as the income she'd make would pay the mortage,
I just don't want to have Mom leave her home where she has so many happy memories. Since the stroke, she has become anxious and this would just be a very hard transition and I fear would lead to an early demise.
She is an amazing, very smart, witty , caring person who has given back her entire life to many friends, family. She is very very loved.
I just want to do what she would want. I may just have to go home and live with her and take care of her again. I can't bear the thought of her leaving her home when she doesn't want to leave and is mentally all there.
Thank you for your thoughts and ideas. Happy Holidays.
(0)
Report
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same ($2500/month) but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I am sure 2K annually is a typo, your utilities would probably be that much extra by having 2 extra people in the house.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(0)
Report
Can you please clarify if "2K/yr" is a typo? Is it 20K/yr? 2K/mo? Please understand that your mom is from the generation that has a terrible concept of "old fashioned" nursing homes. Newer ones are not at all like that now. I agree with those who have commented that you will "get what you pay for". Also, any stranger in your home is a risk, to your mom and her valuables. Wolves will often wear sheep's clothing...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
The typo was I meant to say we are paying close to 200,000/year.
I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for working 8-6
The other person get the same but work 10-8... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month.
I would have to check out the person of course. I agree. I'd have to be very careful.
I've seen nursing homes in the last year and from what I have seen I was not impressed.
Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(0)
Report
Don't think you can advertise for a slave anywhere nowadays, sorry.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
How is this a slave ? The person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month? They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
Thats a slave ??? I don't think so.. PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month !!!
Don't think slaves had these perks !! come on !!
(1)
Report
Follow up -- you should see an Elder Care attorney.  You maybe be able to keep the house after your mom days, and still have her qualify for Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Thank you. We've seen one, but it hasn't helped. Thank you though.
(0)
Report
I don't think anyone does a "free room and board" arrangement anymore. I don't see how anyone could! People still have expenses besides rent.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(0)
Report
First off, your mother is neither physically NOR mentally 'fine' if she is in need of 24/7 care, let's face it!

Secondly, I assume it's a typo when you say you've been paying $2,000 a year for her full time care. If that's the case, that's highway robbery at its finest! I assume you were paying $20K per year and now need full time care for free, expecting care givers to 'donate' their time and energy in exchange for room and board.

In real life, it doesn't work that way, I'm afraid, especially with the requirements you expect from them! 20 minutes of PT every hour, for example!!

Lastly, if you place an ad somewhere asking for 24/7 care giving services in exchange for 'free room and board in a beautiful home', I'm afraid you'll get a few people applying...........and get robbed blind in the process! Every Whacko-Betty and Whacko-Bob will be responding to your ad and you'll be very sorry for posting it!

Medicaid may be your mother's best bet here.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Yes, it was a typo.
We are paying close to $200,000/yr now. She is going broke at that rate.
So we're looking at our options.

One person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month. They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would also make $2500/mo and have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6-10 would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.

PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month !!! 
I hardly think 20 min of PT per hour is a lot to ask for.
She doesn't quality for Medicaid but will be broke in 1 year if we continue to pay our caregivers what we do. THat's why I came here to ask for help.
She is a fall risk which is why she needs 24/7 care.
(0)
Report
I don't think you will find anyone for this.  I don't see how you got by with only paying 2K per year in the past.   You need to apply for Medicaid for your mom.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
It was a typo. I was saying that we pay almost $200,000'yr at this time for 3 caregivers, but she will be broke in a year. She's not eligible for medicaid at this time.

One person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month. They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month twice a year !
Thank you for you thoughts. Happy Holidays.
(0)
Report
You get what you pay for.

Free rent is not going to get you good help. How do they pay for their expenses? It is just not realistic.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now. She's going broke which is why we need to check out other options.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6pm-10pm would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(1)
Report
You HAVE to pay the live in caregivers. Otherwise what you are suggesting is slavery. Room & board isn’t sufficient compensation. Neither is 4 hours of pay. Legally you have to pay them at least minimum wage for all hours worked.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.
The 4 hours would be at $20.hr =$80/day or $2400/month
I hardly think getting free rent and making $2500 plus $2400 for the 4 hours is slavery.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(0)
Report
I think it will be difficult to find anyone willing to work without pay but there are websites where you can search for care at home

my uncle had live in help for several years, one person worked 4 days and another 3 days and the cost was several thousand a month
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
H
HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now. She's going broke which is why we need to check out other options.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6pm-10pm would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter