My name is Joyce , I'm 50 years old and 11 years ago I lost my dad to Alzheimer's and Parkinson and now I'm watching my mom slowly forgetting everything she has been diagnosed with dementia. I'm trying to talk her into moving in with me and my boyfriend but she isn't having anything to do with it yet and I'm not sure who is going lose their mind completely first me or her. My mom doesn't believe she has dementia all she says is she isn't crazy, I tell her everyone has a lil crazy in them but just cuz she has dementia doesn't mean she is Looney tunes crazy just means she can't remember certain things. She is now forgetting meds, how to cook simple stuff and we are trying to figure out how to get her to move in with us but I just keep hitting the same brick wall expecting it to move and it still there. She wants to keep her independence but I need to make sure she is around for long time also , I'm a only child no brother or sister to help me , just me anyone have any ideas on how to move the brick wall without using TNT
I wish you the best and know that having other siblings involved is not always a blessing.
Sad but I keep hoping she will get worse and she won't continue to send the hateful emails.
So I don't have any advice, I have completely run out of patience with my mother. It is difficult for me to even want to visit her. Fortunately, we have a woman who checks in on her a few days a week, but it isn't enough.
So then it makes sense to examine our own expectations, to re-examine what we are attempting to impose on another person’s life, a life they HAD BEEN in charge of for all of their years. And then make gentle changes according to their preferences.
And, even with a person with dementia, it makes sense to examine THEIR expectations, or just their responses, if possible, because that can teach us about how to better communicate and reach them in some cases.
Example: “mom, you SHOULD eat breakfast, lunch and dinner”.
Instead, specific questions or suggestions: What do you like to eat? Would it help to have small plates prepared for you, etc. You already know those things, but my point is, instead of saying “you SHOULD or you HAVE to…”, it might be more productive to enlist their input so they feel ownership or investment in the decisions that impact their day to day lives. If they can’t, that’s another problem to solve.
These suggestions here are probably already known to you and I hope I don’t sound patronizing, but, when we are busy and sometimes swoop in to quickly check on mom’s welfare, we sometimes forget how we sound in our hastiness. Or, in our frustration and emotional panic, our responses are not thoughtful or empathetic (or correct).
I am trying to remind us to relax a moment, be present, be WITH our loved ones. To listen, even if you don’t/can’t agree. Be silent regarding your judgments and criticisms. Instead, say “how can I help you today”? Show them you are listening. They can tell.
Demonstrate love, by loving gestures and small kindnesses.
You know how important it is to not feel powerless.
Best of luck in your decisions.