Need to put my mother in a skilled nursing place asap. She has gotten way out of hand she sits there all day urinating on herself without saying nothing to anyone. She finally says something when she gives herself a rash and expects me to fix it. I have two children who get exposed to this and it isn't right. I tell her it is unsanitary and Unsafe not only for me and my kids but her as well. She doesn't seem to want to register any if at all anything I tell her. Worst part of all she will literally sit and plot all day on mean things to tell me. And I don't understand why she has this over powering mind set that she has to hold on to the past ask what she had for breakfast she can't remember but ask her what she did in junior high she will tell u some stories. I some help on how to put her in a facility it will be best cause she doesn't listen to no one only what she wants to do. She isn't capable of making decision like that for herself. But she don't care it's either what she wants or nothing and her choices effect me and my family in a negative way. I've been taking care of her since she had her stroke that caused her to become this way which is well over 12 yrs never have I gotten paid to do this anything extra she needs I buy out of my own pocket cause she can go through diapers man oh man. Everyone thought I was getting paid to do this no I am not in order to do that I need to attend two three hour. Classes which I can't because I have to watch her all the time. Help any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
You asked and answered your own problem!
Yes, it sounds like mom is far overdue for a movement to a place that can care for her needs.
You have 2 kids who are exposed to this toxicity, daily. My own kids when faced with possibly having to bring g-pa in to live with us--both said they'd move out first. They weren't being mean, they were realistic and helped me to see that my first priority was them.
Start looking for places...during COVID it is definitely harder, but it can be done.
If you need help, and you probably will--people who have been through this will weigh in with the proper channels of working the system. I have not had to place anyone yet and I honestly don't know how to do it!
BUT--I would think that a complete physical should be the first step and perhaps the doc will write some kind of recommendation for you.
Dementia has no rules. Quit trying to figure out why she says/does what she say/does. A brain that is 'dying' just cannot function at max capacity. And sadly, In my experience, people age into a more intense form of what/who they already are.
BTW, you shouldn't be paying for anything for her. She should be paying you set rate for your time, or at least contributing to the family's expenses.
Forgive her, if you can, for the thoughtless things she says and does, but don't wait another week. Start with the physical (they'll need a baseline, anywhere she goes) and move forward from there. And try to grow a little bit thicker skin when she gets to ranting. THAT is going to get worse. But don't back down.
Good Luck.