There are days when I'm so physically and emotionally drained from taking care of my father that I can't find the energy to even take a shower or worse, change my clothes. I hope that the good thing about this is that I'm aware that I'm in a rut. I'm so upset with myself, but I also can't bring myself to care enough to even brush my hair.
I know I have cut back on the make-up as I just don't feel like doing it, my hand shakes too much for liquid eye liner now, oh what a mess.... as my mind is so overloaded with elder parent stuff and wondering why my parents had been so stubborn.
Even with my parents now both being cared for by paid caregivers, it is still physically and emotionally draining to ones soul as prior to this year I was running here and there for 6 years, juggling my work schedule, and trying to care for two houses. And every time the phone rang I would jump out of my skin wondering who fell this time.
Also have fell asleep on the couch in my clothes and been woken up by Mom to start my day, so I wore the same clothes again...
No big deal, just to damn busy..
"Whatever".. Who would know anyway..
I am seriously guilty of not going to the doctor. I haven't gotten a new primary since my old one retired three years ago. I know I need to find another, but I always think, "I can do that next week." It's starting to look like I'll be saying the same when I'm 90. It's strange that I go to the dentist more than the doctor. I might die young, but at least my teeth will be sparkling.
And it's not an easy situation to correct. You have to specifically set aside time for yourself, even if it means that some things don't get done for your father. It really involves prioritizing, putting off some things that aren't critical.
Some of the posts I read express exhaustion b/c of all the chores - the daily cleaning, cooking, etc., plus care for a parent. Some of that can easily be spread out: cook enough for a few days one day, same thing next day, then eat leftovers for 2 days with maybe fresh salads and rolls or something like that, and integrate the cleaning on the noncooking days.
I won't schedule more than 2 medical visits per week unless there's an emergency. And I now also schedule some relaxing time so that whatever we do includes a blend of "work" as well as pleasurable activity, with a mix of critical path activities as well as noncritical ones. Otherwise, I get too stressed out.
And of course I leave time for Internet play on my days off.
When my loved one first became in dire need of help due to dementia, I had to drop everything, even though I was self employed. When this happens, you know all the things you have to attend to as DPOA and HCPOA, doctor visits, financial plans, household upkeep, insurance, bills, utilities caught up, cleaning, attorneys, etc.
I was so stressed out trying to do the job of 3 people that I really caused myself problems. As soon as the major crisis was over, my body started falling apart. I had a terrible dental abscess, root canal, my eye got infected, my hip went out, my psoriasis flared up, my stomach started making this horrible sounds, and I ended up losing about 40 pounds, though that was welcomed. The rest of the aliments were not.
I now know to not allow a situation of caretaking to overwhelm me like that. It's not worth it. Someone else can help or do the work. It's an unkind thing to do to yourself and I won't do it again. Sometimes we learn the hard way.
Can't you get some help? The job you are doing is very challenging. Please take care of yourself.
Mom was always scrubbed and wearing fresh clothes... meh, I didn't care about me anymore, just mom. Not a good thing... even after she's been gone 5 months I still find it hard to do those daily tasks. Ugh
Thankfully you have some family in your corner, I am sure it helps, no experience with it, but surely it must?
I paid for that dearly with having to be under both breast and thyroid cancer watch during that time. Add on top of that almost daily panic attacks and depression to the point I put my marriage on life support. So far I've managed to dodge those bullets with a lot of help, work and prayer, but it showed me that my needs are not optional unless I'm willing to die, and many caretakers do.
It's not an embarrassing question as you can see many suffer and so relate to you. Perhaps your post is a step in the right direction for you seek the support you need to get you out of the rut and establish a life again.
My mother is no joy to live with. I really do have to separate myself from her or she would pull me into a pit of despair. She is sick all day every day and it has been that way for years now. I prefer to feel good all day every day, but I can't do it if I'm in that pit of despair.
You know, I don't like waking up in the morning and thinking how things are. I am starting to feel slight nausea a lot now and I know it is just the misery of the house. We have to find ways to pull ourselves out of the misery, either physically or psychologically or it will ruin our lives, IMO.
Got to where I'd wash face and bangs in bath sink fast, blow dry the hair around, put on fresh deodorant, base and eye shadow, fresh shirt, same jeans, then just shower every other day. After 2 years of this when I realized it was turning into 2 days in a row of skipping shower, and the jeans were pretty well to where they could stand up by themselves, I decided enough was enough. I made a pack with myself that I would take a hot shower and shampoo every day, and put on clean shirt, socks, unders, no matter if I felt like it or not. In a year, I've only broken the promise twice, and I do feel much better about my situation. The suggestion to make large meals that can be reheated is a good one, one I've started doing that works out better than spending an hour in the kitchen each night when I'm shot. I started doing large casseroles, double batches of chicken, peeling mashing 10 lbs potatoes all at once. All can be tossed on a baking sheet in oven. I also went on line and bought extra jeans and shirts, at least if I can't get to laundry for a bit I have enough clean clothes to get through. Knowing I have the nicer clean clothes to put on also kind of encourages me to get through the shower.
Now if I could only justify a new car... :-D
My doctor just didn't understand when one has one elder parent that's a lot of waiting rooms to be sitting. Now try two elder parents. Heck my Mom last year at 96 had a mammogram done with me waiting with her the whole time, and after the fact her saying "they don't know what they are doing". Well, its been taking two x-ray techs to help Mom because she is so frail and sometimes they have new machines which my Mom doesn't like. Her GYN says that Mom insisted on getting them even when the doctor said she didn't need to keep going.
That is a bit of a depressing sounding thought, but it wasn't meant to be. Until someone finds a cure for dementia that seems to run strongly in my family, I really don't want to live a long life. It is probably because what I've seen in my parents is the last 10-15 years is just a long death without much fun.
Something hard about being older ourselves is that we spend such a large part of our lives taking care of our parents, then we have very few good years (if any) left for ourselves. We really owe it to ourselves to pick ourselves up each day and enjoy life as much as possible that day and not say we are going to enjoy life after our parents are gone. Since people seem to live forever now, no matter how unhealthy they are, we can't put off enjoying our own lives and taking care of our needs.
I wish I were fit enough to run. If I were to try I would probably collapse in about a half block. I would really love to have a safe place to hike. I'm kind of scared to around here. I'm afraid that I would be on the news a few months from now: "A body was found and is believed to be that of an elderly woman JessieBelle." What a way to go... and to be called elderly on top of it. Grr.
But really, I think I could have written what I did to all of us.
Today my boss was thinking maybe we could wear jeans more often than on Fridays. I was thinking "YES".... but he probably won't do it as his signature image is full business suit along with the fancy looking handkerchief in the pocket. He looks like he stepped out of a Gary Grant movie.