I hate that I am so nervous about this, I'm 56 years old for crying out loud and I'm having an anxiety attack over the "dementia" word!
First of all, my mom's appointment was originally scheduled for 3/26. I JUST found out yesterday that when she called the office herself about two weeks ago (trying to get a closer appointment because she felt "sick" but then told me they didn't have any other openings) she in fact did get it switched, so now it's tomorrow at 1:30.
The doctor's nurse is going to call me today so I can give her a heads up on my concerns. She also said I should write them down.
Here's the thing-- I have to do all this on the sly. My mom has already told me she wants to "go in by herself" and I can "ask the doctor any questions after". Basically, she doesn't want me in there for the actual evaluation. This is NOT how she normally is, and she has never asked me to not be present for any doctor, until this appointment.
The ONLY reason my mom would not want me there that makes any sense to me is that she plans to lie when answering questions. She tells medical people she is "fine", and will fake her way through. I myself did not see the full dementia until she moved here six months ago which then terrified me and got me to this site.
Has anyone else dealt with a parent in denial, and/or actively trying to mask the problems? What to do? I'm tried of ignoring the 800 pound elephant in the living room. It needs to be addressed. I don't even have a POA. I need to start having these conversations with her, but she will never admit to having dementia until a doctor tells her.... yes, you do.
Its a series of tests. One is memorizing a picture of a simple house, then drawing it. It will be hard getting around a neurologist. Moms was really nice and made her feel comfortable so she relaxed.
Comforting to hear.
I'm waiting by my phone now so I don't miss the call from the nurse, and I will have things written down for the doctor. I think that's all I can do right now. Hopefully the doctor can offer some guidance. My mom can't fake as good as she thinks anymore anyway. I ignored lots of red flags in recent years but that was more my own denial as a defense mechanism because this is my mother, but this doctor won't have my emotional handicaps so should recognize things.
Thanks for your response. I know I ramble a lot on this site because I am still struggling to accept all this and I'm still so afraid of the future. One of the things I know I need is to have a good neurologist on board and this appointment is the first step. I wish I didn't feel so anxious about it.
Honey, ramble on. We don’t mind! This is very upsetting. I’d be upset too. It’s important to get proper results.
Some of the tests she has to do unaccompanied anyway, and with some of them your input will be invited. Did the nurse outline exactly what will be included in the appointment?
This is comforting to hear. I love this site for confirmation. It’s reassuring to have ideas and answers.
She asked me to go in due to not being able to hear well and she said she had nothing to hide.
I agree with your feelings on the matter and would be suspicious too. My mom isn’t always accurate with her answers but I don’t know if it’s intentional or not because of her hearing problem. Does your mom have a hearing issue? You could say that you want to make sure she heard everything correctly. I know my mom doesn’t hear everything even with a hearing aid, other ear is completely deaf.
This is so awkward for you. I’d be crying too. I think I would be hurt a bit too. Maybe scared too.
I have medical power of attorney but not regular power of attorney. If you are primary caregiver you should have it. Do it soon if it is possible.
What would your mom do if you confronted her? Would she cancel? Can you pretend that you forgot she said that she wanted to be alone and just walk in with her? Would she ask you to leave? Can you tell her that it’s important for you to be there?