New caregiver suggestions, my mom recently had a TIA of which I’m learning as one of many and has been told she is not able to live by herself any longer. She is very resistant to this idea. She has agreed to move but on her terms when she’s ready. I live 2 1/2 hours away. I have ample room she can come and live with me I’ve told her this. She is also a hoarder so for her to be in this house is very dangerous. Any suggestions?
My step father and his wife are hoarders and she has dementia, we cleaned out their house, 100 heavy duty leaf bags, 2 30 yard dumpsters, placed it for sale, sold it. Placed them in AL, and now they accumulate again, in the last 2 months they have bought 10 nail clippers, reams and reams of paper, plastic bags, foil, toilet paper and more, their 750 sq ft apartment is filling up quickly.
Notes pasted everywhere, it is a mess.
Find a nice AL near you, take her there, explain that she will still have her independence. I hope that you have all the legal documents in place, durable POA, will and such.
That's what I'm dealing with... my issues, I can't throw things away...My family is tired of it.. so, I try not to shop any more, only buy things like food and deodorant and detergent. :/ so I should just shop for food... I forget to apply sometimes, and now that is taking over a shelf... Oops. :)
When did the hoarding start? Does it start off by collecting objects they are fond of? Yes, that would be a nightmare to live with.
I realize some things are sentimental. Not everything has deep meaning though, so get rid of things that you no longer need or use.
I don’t understand people who keep junk. When my oldest brother was sick and he would ask me to help clean his apartment I hated that he kept everything. It was just junk. I tried telling him to sort his mail, keep important mail and toss the junk mail. He had empty cereal boxes, empty tissue boxes, just junk all over. That’s just garbage. He never threw his trash away. I wouldn’t want to live with junk all around me. Just strange to me. It’s nothing useful. The best way I could describe his apartment was any flat surface was covered with something!
Yes, he was sick and couldn’t keep up with things but even before he got sick he was just a slob. Wouldn’t empty his old coffee out of the pot. It was gross.
I’m fortunate. My husband is very neat. I had a great MIL that didn’t let her sons live with messy habits.
Is hoarding different from being lazy? Is it holding onto memories in some way? I don’t get it. I don’t understand the emotions behind it. What am I missing?
She’s temporarily living with my brother now before permanently moving into a facility.
It's a very bad idea, please scratch that off your wish list.
This is such wise advice because for the most part people’s personalities don’t change and clashing is bound to happen. It’s stressful living with relatives.
Who told you that Mom cannot live by herself now?
As far as being "ready" and it being "on her own terms" of course that may never happen. This is the notorious "putting off" that hoarders do to change the subject.
The trans ischemia is causing what symptoms for your mother? Who shops for her?
Are you very, very certain that you wish to take on the 24/7 care of your mother ongoing. I am not speaking of the hoarder issues, but of just care giving for someone who is apparently no longer safe alone? You may be taking on a decades long choice in life.
I would suggest that you slow, discuss this with family, and make certain of any move before it is made.
For the present your mother has expressed herself to be unwilling to leave her home. Are you her POA for health or financial? Has she been diagnosed by a doctor as unsafe alone? Is that for mental or physical reasons? Is there anyone in your Mom's area who can visit, can keep you informed.
Mom may need placement. She may need guardianship to do that, and she may be/probably will be unwilling to leave her hoard. Guardianship can entail thousands and thousands of dollars. At some point, your mother may be better under guardianship of the State. Most hoarders are notoriously difficult to "handle", to "guide".
Sorry you are in this dilemma because it is quite honestly a BIG dilemma with perhaps not many good answers. If it were me, and my Mom was not demented, for the present I would not be removing her forcibly from her home. I would understand that she is in fact in danger of a fall without being able to summon help, but that comes on the heels of my belief that there are many things worse than your own death in your own home.
You are up against some very real life changing decisions; you might want to pay a few therapeutic visits to a Licensed Social Worker who counsels on life changes. This is an awful lot just dumped on your plate. I am wishing you the best and hope you will let us know if you find some answers.
If you tell he must do her PT exercises, will she listen to you?
Will she insist on going everywhere with you?
Will she accept what her doctors tell her when she needs more care than you can give?
Are you going to quit your job to care for her? Are you independently wealthy?