This family claims they bought a townhome next door because the father is dying and it will be a place for their mother to live after he’s gone. Sort of a downsizing; however, over a brief amount of time it has become apparent that she has something going on mentally. I’ve heard them arguing through the walls and on the back patio that now that she can’t take care of him. They think she’s had three strokes since moving in. Didn’t see that coming I’m sure, but now they really need help. They do not want to put them in a facility because they’ll be separated. There is at least one family member less than five minutes away so he claims. They come and go with each catastrophe that happens but don’t stay or move in. Now the neighbor with mental issues is claiming that I’m harassing her when in fact it’s the other way around. I hear her yelling at the family members all the time through the walls. I get yelled at when she’s on her back patio and I’m trying to enjoy my patio, I get yelled at in the front yard because when I’m taking photos of some yardwork I’ve done to send to my mom who wanted to see them she claims I was photographing her property. She went to the police and convinced them I was and I got a visit from a sheriffs detective saying not to go over there which I dont except for a few prior times like taking the mail that ended up in my mailbox for them and when I heard her husband through the wall crying out for her at least a half a dozen times. I went over to let her know he was yelling for her. She slammed the door in my face. I won’t be going over there at all because now this cluster is affecting my life dramatically. The visit from the officer was a wake up call that they don’t appreciate nor care about my peace of mind. Please don’t suggest talking to the son and daughter. They know exactly what’s going on. They’ve never been nice to me at all. The son butchered my shrubs along the driveway the day before I had someone coming to cut them back and give them more room in their driveway (the mother knew, but now says she didn’t have that conversation). I volunteered to walk their dog for free after their daughter asked me if I could help and she never followed throug. Basically, my assessment of the situation not being a professional is that someone needs to be living with them 24/7 or they need to be in a facility. They are driving me nuts and now I realize having a conversation with the mother and the daughter and a son is pointless. They know what’s truly going on and are pointing their fingers at me? Help :(
Wishing you the best.
You want me to call the same police that listened to the dementia patient and issued a no tresspass order on me? Please explain your rationale?
So sorry you went through all of this. I hope the widow gets moved elsewhere and that you get a nice new neighbor. Or none, so you can recover from the trauma.
Years ago I rented half of a duplex. The other tenants were a woman and her elderly mother. Clearly the mother should not have been left alone while the daughter went to work. I wonder how often this occurs, where an elderly person is left alone and shouldn’t be home alone.
My neighbor was constantly opening the door up to strangers. We lived just off of a busy bus route and occasionally people would knock on our doors asking for help, money, etc. I didn’t open my door to them. The old lady next door would always open her door.
I told her daughter that I was concerned that she would open the door up to someone who was dangerous. The daughter did absolutely nothing about it.
This old woman was very sweet and would get her purse and hand over money to the person at the door who said that they needed help. I moved away and thought about her from time to time, hoping that she was never harmed by anyone who knocked on her door.
It is sad. She’s had three strokes and was diagnosed with dementia after the first one. She is not capable of living alone, IMHO. She shouldn’t be left alone at all. She shouldn’t be driving either… I don’t know how often the children will check on her as opposed to how little they were (just during emergencies). 82? Yes, that’s the way my parents will go. Don’t know about these two though. They’ve been prepping for his death for a long time… She’s been taken by ambulance to the hospital 3x since moving in for falls/strokes:(
Anyway, I hope that it works out where she gets the care that she needs and that you are able to live your life in peace without any further complications.
What is the condition of his widow? Do you think she is able to live alone without help? How often do the children check on her?
How old is she?
Sometimes, one person dies and the other person dies shortly afterwards. Other times they live a long time as a widow. Is she in poor health?
None of this is fun/funny.
I wonder how many people end up in similar situations.
Advanced dementia robs a person of their ability to live independently and it can also cause problems for others. It’s a no win situation.
I agree about cameras and lighting. I think keeping records of what they do. In my township, its a regulation that people need to pick up their dogs waste. Also, that dogs are not allowed to run loose. I would get as much proof as I could to get a restraining order. At that time I would make it known that you understand that alot of this is a couple who need help. One with Dementia the other dying that she is left to care for.
Lets hope that the man passes and at that time they realize Mom needs a facility. She may think your a daughter who has abandoned her. Maybe you can put up a sound proof wall.
Me, I would sell but I realize that may not be an option. Just try and ignore them at this point. Don't talk to anyone associated with the house.
APS, no they are not suppose to say who filed the complaint but I am sure u will get blamed whether u did or not.
How are your patios, is there a roof, can u put up an awning and then buy a blind to hang on the side the neighbors are?
We requested to fence the area in, but were denied that request (we didn’t want to fence it in, but it seems it might be the only way to keep them away…at least the dementia patient). The other would probably bring a ladder and look in…lol.
The parking space between us and the dementia patient has a barrier (our front yard). Crazy is two doors down. We are right next to the neighbor on the other side. No signage allowed.
Regulations here too RE: dog waste and leashes.
Thank you for your suggestions:)
A sound proof wall? Interior?
I would sell, too, but it’s not an option right now…
I’m ignoring all of them…completely.
I am sure we would get blamed whether we did or not.
Patios are side by side with a privacy panel on each side. No awnings allowed.
No it does not. I just haven’t addressed the rest of the misinformation…yet. If I do at all.
I would call and have PD do a Welfare check on them.
you can remain anonymous. Identify yourself as a concerned neighbor.
There must be other neighbors that hear this.
Always record when your outside, audio is all the police need.
Be aware of your surroundings.
Ive had horrible neighbors.
Take care.
I apologize. I’ve just been through the ringer and things were finally letting up…& now this.
I forgot one of my most important rules to live by temporarily: use what I can and toss the rest.
Thank you for reminding me!:)
I didn’t take any offense at all to any of your comments. I appreciate your kindness but you really don’t owe me an apology.
Oh gosh, I totally understand that you are stressed out. I would be too if I were in your situation.
I wish that I could say that I remain calm, cool and collected when I am stressed.
The truth is that very often I am on edge when things are out of wack in my life. I am working on it! I am better than I was before.
In truth, my husband has always been my calming force when I get upset. He’s my ‘Mr. Chill’ when I have nearly fallen apart.
The best case scenario is that your neighbors will move. I just hope that one way or another this mess will come to an end for you.
Take care.
Don’t add to your frustration by being annoyed with a website. Totally not worth it!
Everyone is entitled to their opinions. Consider using recommendations of whatever you find useful and simply ignore the rest.
Best of luck to you!
Instead of that, just buy some cams. Dogs on your property, there’s a cam for that.
Wow. Is there a way to share photos/videos/etc. on this forum?
I don’t care if you believe me or not.
I've seen it all, too, as a professional pet sitter who is in/out of peoples homes…365/24/7; however, this is a targeted approach called blackballing/black listing. Apparently, you have no experience with that…
There was a restraining order obtained. it was in place when she attacked me. She has legal experience. She always walks a fine line…before that day.
To keep my parents off of the stand, I agreed to make it mutual, so she could return home to another state for a medical issue at the time ASAP.
Yes they were called. My mother was a witness and the woman threatened to take her down, too. Yes I had injuries as was noted by one of the officers that responded. I got medical advice RE: the injuries the very next morning.
I’m done for now…
Everyone knows that while you absolutely did the correct thing by obtaining a restraining order, it’s only a piece of paper.
As you know, it certainly won’t prevent someone from harassing or harming you.
It’s awful to have to deal with this kind of situation. I’m so sorry you are in this position.
I hope this matter is resolved soon.
Please don't take offense at what I'm going to say to you in this comment. Know that it is in the spirit of friendship and respect for you and this group.
You're mentioning now another neighbor who has harassed you.
I think your neighbors may not be the cause of all these problems.
You may be.
I don't believe that you couldn't have friends, family, or contractors come to your house because this other neighbor harassed them too.
Contractors don't care about your neighbors. They will do the work because that's their business and how they eat.
I went in and out of people's homes for 25 years as an in-home caregiver. You think a harassing neighbor or some old biddy ever kept me from my clients? No. Your neighbors are not the reason why your friends, family, or hired contractors don't come to your house either.
I've had care clients over the years who lived in some rough places and had weirdo neighbors around or homes that had the weird adult child who lives in the client's home but doesn't work and isn't a caregiver to them. So, I've seen it all.
Anyone steps up to me or if I feel at all threatened, someone got tased or pepper sprayed depending on which one I was favoring that day.
I'm sorry but I can't believe that you were physically assaulted by your neighbor behind your house and the police did nothing. Why was there no restraining order issued? Did you call them when this attack happened? Did you sustain any injuries from the attack? Did you get medical attention?
Ignore whatever chats the old fools are having about you. Leave them to it. Let them talk as they like.
If they verbally threaten you, go to the cops. If this neighbor who allegedly attacked you in the past, tries to put her hands on you again, get a taser or some pepper spray and take it with you whenever you go outside your house.
So sorry Anonymous321, but you are not qualified to determine if your elderly neighbors shouldn't be living alone. Even if you know better. And, hope this does not offend you, but
the truth is it is not your business.
Obey the no trespassing order.
Go no contact.
At this point, the goal should be getting the vulnerable neighbors care, but by someone else, not you.
The goal is not to prove if you are telling the truth. Can you stay out of it?
Move on, enjoy your life.
Since I overheard that argument RE: her having three strokes and a dementia diagnosis, can APS or the police access those medical records to confirm I’m telling the truth? Or is it he said/she said/hearsay? I want this thing cleared up and the no trespassing notice reversed. NOT because I want to go over there. Trust me. I just want it off of my shoulders. I feel like I have an elephant on my chest… Neighbors, etc. witnessed the “talking to” of the investigator to me and are treating me differently (ignoring me). I don’t like grapevines, etc. and this bothers me greatly:(
The exception might be if a lawyer requested medical records in the event of a law suit.
I had unfollowed your thread.
So sorry for the confusion over what I had advised.
I will answer your question here....
Your question was:
"Do you mind if I ask you what the reasoning is for wearing highly visible noise canceling headphones and what do you expect to be the case at the end of March?".
1) Wear highly visible headphones SO THAT you can pretend you do not hear them talking to you when you go outside. The neighbors will see the headphones, and understand that you do not respond to them because you likely cannot hear them. Then, they won't take offense. And hopefully, will not try to talk to you.
I did not say "noise cancelling" headphones. I would want to hear, but not respond to neighbors such as this. So I suggest you buy a brightly colored pair of headphones at a yard sale, remove something or put a hole in them so you really can hear what they say. But so that the neighbors think you cannot hear them.
2) No one can predict what the end of March will bring. If you are going no contact with your crazy neighbors for 31 days, you may learn just how dangerous they are to you personally; you may have learned by then if there is any chance that you may have been a part of the misunderstanding; and you may have learned just how much the activity of the crazy neighbors you can ignore and tolerate, SO THAT you can live there more comfortably at an impasse.
It is so very distressing to be at odds with neighbors, and you are not alone in having this issue. It is not your fault.
I hope this fully answers your question to me. I cannot even say how this situation with your neighbors can ruin or interfere with your quiet enjoyment of your own home.
BTW, if you need to sue them, as so often happens in a neighbor dispute, these are the words you use: The neighbors have interfered with your quiet enjoyment of your home and property.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney; not an expert.
The daughter approached me about helping (paid). I offered to do it for free as I’ve done that sort of thing in my neighborhood before if I have the time (broken ankles, emergencies, etc). I’m a professional pet sitter. I don’t stalk my neighbors for work. Never have. Never will.
Yes. Out of nowhere she asked late one night after coming to my door after a recent crisis nextdoor in December. You sound like the detective? She said she heard I was a pet sitter… I’m not dwelling on it. I have no desire to get involved. Just recently a couple of other dog walkers asked me to help with an elderly patients dog in an assisted living facility and I bailed, respectfully, as the owner couldn’t keep track of the schedule and wandered out to walk the dog after accusing me of not showing up. Huge liability. Told the other walkers I’m sorry but no can do…
Oh. It’s yelling when she’s mad. Her favorite phrase that she also used on me is “Why are you being so mean to me?” That’s what I hear a lot through the walls…
“Anon - did you "volunteer" to help with the dog - as stated in your initial profile summary...or now you said you "agreed after the daughter asked you to help"?
Out of nowhere, she just asked You to help their parent's dog? It's kind of strange to ask a favor like that to a neighbor they barely know, but if that's the case, then she obviously changed her mind since then, so that's not something you need to dwell on.
And is the woman neighbor yelling or maybe they're hard of hearing and are loud talkers, like a lot of elderly people and it sounds like yelling thru the wall...? Just a thought. But whatever it is, if you can, try to distance yourself and change your focus.”
You don't have to fear the family finding out that it was you who called APS. This is why I told you to go to the police and ask them to do a wellness check on your neighbors. If you tell the police that you fear retaliation from the family they will divert the attention away from you. An anonymous call to APS can also be made. You tell them the same thing about the fear of retaliation from the neighbor's family.
As I said in the comments, get some outside cameras on your property. If your neighbor or her family get cute, you file for a restraining order. You'll get one.
You kind of have already tried, or feel it best not to try in the case of APS most ideas of ours including calls to APS (you can request being anonymous, but given your history with this family they will likely make the guess). So you are left with sendhelps advice I think.
I still suggest recordings (for all the use they are in court which is not much) and diaries of the disturbances.
Sure do wish you luck and hope you will update us in future.
Here's what you should start doing. Install a couple of cameras on the outside of your place. You're dealing with mentally incompetent elders living alone and their family members who from what you say are totally indifferent to it. So who knows what they might try to pull concerning you or your property? Get the cameras. The family members are not lying and conniving to keep their elderly LO's at home because they don't want to split them up. On the contrary, the most likely reason is because they don't want to see the new townhouse and any other potential inheritance go directly to a nursing home. Next, every time your neighbor so much as looks at you or makes the slightest comment, you call the police. It is beyond my understanding why the police believe what you describe as a person who clearly has dementia over a rational adult like yourself. You should still go and talk to the police and ask them to make a wellness check on them because there's an old woman with dementia trying to care for a demented elderly invalid who is dying and is not coping. Tell the police that either they contact Adult Protective Services (APS) or you will. Tell them that you fear retaliation from the family and do not know what your mentally ill neighbor with dementia is capable of, but that you will call APS anyway.
How can you respect them as neighbors when they don’t give a damn about anyone else but themselves?
I doubt that you would ever want to be ‘friendly’ with these people but it would be nice just to be able to live in peace.
I certainly would not want to live next door to them. They are the type of people that can’t be reasoned with and like to stir up trouble just for fun.
I wish that I had a good answer for you. I can only imagine how frustrating this situation is.
How long has this craziness been going on? It’s sad that neither your HOA, or the police have handled this situation properly.
Good luck with resolving this matter.
In your case, I wouldn't have anything else to do with them. They sound like neighbors from a horror movie.
You can move, or wait for them to die or be transported for help by 911.
There are other neighbors nearby who may be experiencing the same or similar as you. Let them handle it. Let them complain. You say nothing, stay out of it.
Because of what has already transpired, you stay out of it completely.
Secure your privacy and quiet from inside your home.
You can put up a wall unit on the wall that connects your home.
Play a radio 24/7 near that wall.
Keep certain windows closed.
Move to a room furthest away from their adjoining wall.
Just pick up the poo and discard it. Do not react or return any rudeness or hostility. Do not correct them. Keep your hedge trimmed on both sides, not giving them a chance to cut your hedge at all. If the HOA does not maintain the gardening and maintenance, hire a gardener, tell him not to dispute anything with the neighbors.
Do wear highly visible headphones outside, pretending you don't hear anything.
Try doing nothing for all of March. See what happens.
For now, try to ignore their parking issues and cutting shrubs, etc...in the long run, these are incidentals. Chances are, this is a temporary living situation for them - and life is way too short for getting involved or bothered over their issues. They're obviously going thru stress over life changes and health crisis, so, it's best to let others live and you do the same - with your life. That way, nothing escalates.
And, I don't recommend ever walking their dogs - it's setting you up for problems if anything happened while walking them.
It sounds to me that this family feels that you've overstepped yourself and are too involved in their situation - so, just ignore - go about your life...and hopefully the situation will resolve itself because there'll be nothing left to consider.
If you think she is a danger to herself and others, you could anonymously call The Office of Adult Services. They focus on the needs of the elderly and vulnerable adults.