My 91 year old father lived alone but has increasing trouble with forgetfulness and daily needs. He can dress himself, walk on his own, play the piano and be very charming and with it but then he forgets what happened in the present. He makes numerous phone calls to all our siblings because he can't remember that he just called.This caregiver is trying to train my father to rely solely on him and to change things that my father used to do and that brought him comfort. My brother stayed upstairs in the evenings and the caregiver wants him out and wants us not to pick up my fathers phone calls . I
Hoping you are okay, that your sibs pulled together and not against you. And, hope that Dad is safe.
Can you let us know, because I care.
Not for my dog or my cat if I had either
Good Luck
If he is a direct hire do you/he have a written contract.
Is it right for a newly hired live-in caregiver to demand that the family members do not visit or call so that he can train the elder person?
Just to answer that bit then my answer stands no fire him/her. (S)he is hired to do a job they can DISCUSS and make RECOMMENDATIONS and SUGGEST and ADVISE but demand? really?? Not anyone I hire for sure. Now the train bit is difficult as the OP says TRAIN was her word the person probably said I need to work with xxxx so that I can get him into a structure/ regime/routine that works for him
All that is fine - I would accept that as long as this is not DEMANDED and is arranged through discussion and negotiation
Now the next bit is the bit I am not happy about at all
My brother stayed upstairs in the evenings and the caregiver wants him out and wants us not to pick up my fathers phone calls . \\What the caregiver wants and what the caregiver gets are 2 different things. If I had a new employee I would monitor their performance over the first 6 months - its called a probationary period. If at any time I had reservations I would have the discussion and record it and we would both sign a way forward. I am fully aware that this caregiver wants to works one on one with Dad but they have to prove themselves first - you can't just walk in and say I demand this this and this. What should have been said is this:
Eventually I will need to work one on one with Dad so that he learns to rely more on me than you and therefore you get relieved of the phone calls. That's going to take some time so I want to work with you and him to begin with to find out how his day is planned and then we can get some sort of structure in place. Then we can move forward.
Slow and steady not straight in like a block of cement being lobbed into a paddling pool
If he is your employee keep records
At 91, your dad needs loving care and that's it!!
Good luck!
I am a care giver to an 88 year old gentleman and this person
is a very dangerous person to have in your Dads life.