NH mixed mom up w/ another patient, called saying she needed hospice, vitals were failing. Mom is fine. How do we make them pay for this?
My mom has only been in a skilled nursing home for one month. She has moderate dementia but has been doing better and gaining strength at the nursing home. The nursing home called out of the blue today and told my emotional fragile elderly father (who is being treated for PTSD “flare up” and will see a VA psychiatrist in two weeks) that my mother's vitals were failing and they were sending a Dr to see her and two hospice workers would be reaching out to speak to us. They said it was time for her to go hospice and we could bring her home or have her stay in the nursing home. He called in a panic and I told him we will make arrangements as a family. My sister and I made arrangements to travel and meet my dad in two days to start the process and all while emotionally realizing my moms life journey was at an end. She has dementia and was a nurse in a nursing home for 30 years. We cried but accepted that she was ready to leave this world. My dad called the nursing home several hours later to see if he could come see her in case she passed before we could get there. The nursing home only always two scheduled visits a week due to Covid protocols. He spoke to my mom's nurse who was very confused. She told him my mom was doing very well, chatting about my sister, up using a walker for the 1st time and feeding herself solid foods (she’s been on liquids because she was so weak). The nurse didn’t know why he was told this. I called the nursing home FURIOUS. No one knows who made the call, they think it was about another patient and they got it mixed up and called my dad. My mother is fine and doesn’t need hospice. We spent the last few hours planning my mom's funeral and the ONLY reason we found out she was okay was my dads' call to beg to see his dying wife outside of his scheduled visit.
In RAGE I called the administrator. They were very apologetic. I asked how can a 6k a month nursing home make such an incompetent failure and it was unacceptable. They put my family through hell for nothing. How could they make such a mistake to call and tell us this when she was perfectly fine? What about the other family that should have gotten that news. Their “I am so very sorry; we will launch and internal investigation and will discipline someone” doesn’t make me feel better. I threatened to go to their small town newspaper with this story. I feel like they owe us for the emotional distress the just put us through. We would have showed up two days later, thinking my mom was dying this whole time to find out at the facility she was fine. I want vengeance. I want this staff member fired. I want them to make this right more than “ Sorry”. I want my mothers 6k bill for a month or two comped. Is this unreasonable? Should we talk to a lawyer? How can a nursing home call and give us the wrong info about hospice on a patient that wasn’t my mom?
The hard things is that one day, we will be in this situation. But we shouldn’t have had to have a “test run” because the nursing home made a mistake. This has emotionally broke my father. He “knew” after that call that she was gonna die days short of their 53rd wedding anniversary. We cried and tried to make peace with her passing and began making arrangements for travel, hospice, and funeral plans and turns out it was all a big mistake. This wasn’t like a fast food place messing up an order, this was life and death. This has emotional broken us. This didn’t have to happen if someone had done their job correctly. On one hand we are grateful that mom isn’t in the state they described her as...on the other hand we are full or rage and anger that the nursing home made such a mistake. Is it unreasonable to want them to make this right in terms of an apology (which they did) but beyond so...to make them comp her stay for a month or two after what they put us through. Should we talk to an attorney if they refuse? Should we go to the newspaper? My sister and myself are rage filled and my dad is crushed.
13 Answers
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I recommend that you nominate somebody else as the Nursing Home's first contact, and not your frail elderly father.
If you - God forbid this should ever happen again to anyone, but in case - should in future receive news about a loved one which comes as a surprise (and the very sudden change of plan must have struck your father as unexpected), ask for confirmation of identity. Actually, that's not a bad idea anyway; and it's never a bad idea to ask who is calling and about whom and *write it down*.
It is going to happen. Similar names, identical dates of birth, people with the same first name in the next room to one another: it is a thumping foul-up, but it is not difficult to spot how such errors can arise.
It is not acceptable for the NH to say they don't know who rang your father. If they didn't know when you rang, they had better find out. They need to know how the mistake was made, they need to put in place checks which are carried out before EVERY phone call, and they need to explain to you how they will ensure no other family goes through this experience in future.
It will not help you to know who the individual was. The person is not going to lose his/her job over this error. The resident is your mother, and no harm of any description has come to her.
Rather than further distress your father by screaming blue murder and vowing vengeance, focus on the fact that your mother is not ready for hospice, is not about to die, and will make it to her wedding anniversary and, God willing, the end of Covid. Your Dad has had a nasty shock and is certainly owed a sincere, meaningful apology; but leave that to the NH to handle. Your mission is to help him restore his normal perspective.
I am sure sorry that your family had a couple of hard hours because of an honest mistake, that as others have stated could be a misunderstanding by your dad and very explainable because of name or something.
I have no doubt that there was any intention by anyone at the NH to cause your family any harm.
Please rethink getting vengeance and be grateful that your mom is not failing and in need of hospice. By the way, that doesn't mean that she is dying today, it means that they believe she will benefit from the added support provided by hospice. I think that you will endanger the care your mom receives if you continue to deal with the facility staff in rage. Who is going to want to suffer the wrath of having to tell your family anything? Mistakes happen and killing people over them only serves the individual that thinks it is a good solution.
You describe your father as “emotionally fragile”, being treated for “PTSD”. He is under the care of a psychiatrist. The call was between him and someone. So far nobody at the NH knows who made the call, right? Your mothers NH RN was totally surprised a call was made. The call was not overheard by you or your sister, was it?
Have you or Sis spoke with his doctors, esp his psychiatrist, as to if there’s confabulations or false beliefs going on? The call, yes, it could have happened but you got to allow the possibility it might be dad creating or hyping a situation that makes his girls drop everything and swoop on in to be there with him.
As others have posted, the NH keep a log of calls placed by staff. For hospice being brought in that is going to require the MD, who is the medical director of the facility, to write orders for hospice consult. For my mom, the medical director call me when the consult paperwork was under consideration as it was on me to determine which path to take..... hospice or hospitalization. For my MIL & an Aunt, it was the DON who contacted family. Hospice has a defined system, it isn’t placed without approval which has a whole bunch of paperwork being received by MediCARE to be reviewed and approved.
If your moms main RN knew nothing about a call happening earlier that day, this seems odd. If the administrator apologized and said they would “launch an internal investigation”, that’s standard PR speak as to your inquiring on something they have no awareness of, something not on their radar. Administration ime really keep tabs on whose in rehab, who’s a more problematic resident, who’s in crisis mode, especially right now due to Covid concerns. Administration has a set protocol for contacting family for when hospice becomes an option; they have one for contacting family for when death happens. It’s not some rando call.
Unless the call was recorded, the possibility exists that your dad is in some way mistaken on what was said. The NH will probably want to speak with your dad directly regarding details of the call. Not you but dad on his own. If that was to happen, how well do you think that would go?
That being said, if you were to go to the local newspaper on this, the reporter will want to speak to your dad. Not you or Sis, as y’all are secondary sources. Dad is under the care of a psychiatrist. Details like that will surface.
I do think others suggestions on having an ombudsman get involved is excellent. Let the NH do their investigation. Then you & your family and the ombudsman have the conversation with the NH.
My mother was told to her face by her doctor with me in the room that she had terminal cancer, based on...nothing. My mom was suicidal for 24 hours until we went in the next morning for tests to confirm the diagnosis, and the doctor doing the test had no idea where my mom's doctor got that idea. She's still alive -- and cancer-free -- six years later.
People make mistakes. It was a terrible one, but to threaten to go to the press (which would have laughed you out the door) to ruin their business is inexcusable. So is expecting to be comped $6,000-$12,000 for a mistake that, while upsetting to the extreme, didn't result in any monetary damages. You'll be paying an attorney a nice chunk of change to get nothing.
You'll be lucky if they don't kick Mom out because she has a hotheaded family, and they likely have plenty of people who could take her place the next day.
I hope you're sure your dad didn't misunderstand the phone call, too, or you'll have been even more out of line than you already are.
You need to advocate for your mother, not threaten to destroy everyone who might make a mistake around her. You also aren't doing your dad any favors with your reactions either. Calm down, get back on track, and be grateful she's fine.
I do think though that you should seriously think this over if you feel that litigation might be an appropriate avenue for redress of your grievances. And although I can guess what a medmal attorney would tell you, it might help to hear it from someone who has that kind of insights, and can explain what you'd be facing in attempting to sue, not to mention how treatment of your mother might change.
Narrow down these issues:
"The nursing home called … they …"hospice workers would be reaching out to speak to us. They said it was time for her to go hospice..."
Who specifically are you referring to by "nursing home" and "they"?
"No one knows who made the call". I would think this kind of call would be recorded in your mother's medical records. Follow up on this. And if someone documented that but changed the records, that's a concern in and of itself.
I don't disagree that you're entitled not only to a further explanation, but to whatever instigated the call, who made it and on what basis, who was consulted before the call, and of course where it was documented and in whose records.
Your rage is understandable. It seems as though the administrator recognizes what a tragic error this was. So take the attitude of working with her to find out how it happened, what can be done to prevent it from happening again and/or to someone else, and then how your own anxiety and distress can be addressed. It will help move your anger to control and accomplishment.
This could be turned into a valuable lesson for the facility and its staff; if you think of it that way, it might relieve some of your anger. You're "training" them!
A discount in monthly cost might be one avenue; disciplinary action against whoever made the call would I think be a serious consideration.
One thing to remember is that you have the ability to turn this into a less frightening experience by your approach, and thus setting an example, as well as a foundation for better care in the future.
Discuss with your family, and potentially a medmal attorney, what you want to see happen from this experience. I would think a high priority would be to ensure that this doesn't happen to anyone else, which would require putting in place some regs, guidelines, and/or other assurances.
I definitely would not contact a newspaper. The result might be to damage the reputation of a facility where your mother otherwise seems to be doing well. Would it give you as much satisfaction as getting some remuneration or better yet, special attention for your mother? Do you know how this actually happened and how it could/would hurt the administration?
You want changes; consider well what's the best way to make that happen.
During our first experience with rehab for my mother, we had a major problem with her therapist. I was livid at one point when he told me that Mom wouldn't cooperate with the exercises and there was nothing more he could do for her.
My sister, father and I discussed how to proceed. My sister at that time was a psychiatric nurse and helped guide our plan. We contacted Mom's ortho doctor, who was upset that the therapist was insisting that she stand on her broken leg. He wrote a letter to the rehab center.
That was a great foundation on which to proceed further. The offending therapist was moved to another facility, and a wonderful, sensitive and compassionate female therapist was assigned to Mom.
Put yourself in the admin's place and think how you would handle the situation. Be prepared to present optional alternatives (such as conference calls with the attending physician, an admin and a nurse, or some similar arrangement for such calls in the future. That way NO ONE makes these calls on his/her own. Also hash out what you want as remuneration, and be specific, but also be prepared to work with the Admin.
One year after my mastectomy, some 35 years ago, I was told that I should get a chest xray with my yearly physical; it was free. So I did. Got a call that night that I had to schedule a scan of the lungs "right away", as there was a shadow they "didn't like". I scheduled, waited, scanned, waited, and meanwhile got family together, told them I wouldn't be taking chemo or radiation, but would want hospice, had myself dead and buried. When the scan showed nothing at all I was for some few seconds relieved. Then the s--- hit the fan. I was furious. I felt raped.
I am saying THAT was an honest mistake. But my fury was off the charts.
What you have just gone through had your Mom dead and buried and your father completely traumatized.
First of all, 6,000 for nursing home in my area of the country would be cheap by half. But that's neither here nor there. You have done the correct thing in contacting. There are mistakes and mistakes but this was a HUGE one. How it happened I hope they will find out; clearly no one is coming forward, another black mark on their card.
There is no reason you cannot consult a Lawyer if you wish to. There is no reason you cannot tell them that you appreciate their "sorry" but you need them to put forward something more to convince you that indeed they ARE sorry.
Nothing will stop that this happened. Nothing. And nothing can CURE that this happened. It was a mistake. Everyplace is taxed in Covid-19 times. That is no comfort.
Do know, if you are overall happy with this facility and their care, developing an adversarial relationship often comes down to "You are not happy her; you may be happier somewhere else".
There are many things to consider. I would ask for contact for the ombudsman and use that as a go between so that things are more negotiated than coming to "blows" even if only verbally.
Again. This was dreadful. There is no denying that fact for a second. There are excuses but they don't excuse it. I am so very sorry this happened to you. I know what it is, when my bro was ill, to make reservations with your heart plummeting, your anxiety slamming your brain all over the place. I just am so sorry.
I actually give kudos to the facility for protecting the person/people who made this error, they likely do know what happened but I don't see any point in throwing the mistaken employee under the bus by giving the name to the family. There was obviously a break down in communication and that has already been acknowledged, IMO it doesn't matter who did the deed (at least not to the family) the buck stops with the management.
They know who did it. It should be on Moms records that a call was made. Not too many residents need Hospice. It has to be at least an RN because I doubt if they would give that responsibility to an LPN. May have even been the DON. I would do as suggested, call ur State Ombudsman. The NH has the number. Should be in paperwork from the Home received when Mom was admitted. I would want an apology from the person who made the call. I would also suggest that Dad receive no calls that they are routed thru you.
By all means contact an attorney to see if you can sue the nursing home for their mistake. If not, and you want revenge against them, then you can try to humiliate them by calling the newspaper to write a story, if the paper is willing to write such a story. I don't recommend such a thing, because your mother has to live there and be cared for by the staff, and nobody will appreciate your actions against them.
If it were me this happened to, I would expect a call from the nursing home with a sincere apology for the mistake, preferably from the director or the director of nursing on behalf of the person who actually made the call. While I would definitely be upset over thinking that hospice may be called in sooner rather than later for my elderly mother, I would also be ultimately relieved that it was a mistake and that my mother was doing fine and not really going downhill.
Hopefully, once you all calm down from the shock of the situation, you won't seek 'revenge' but realize that human beings sometimes DO make innocent mistakes and be able to put this whole unfortunate incident behind you.
I was told in November at the hospital that my mother was not likely to survive the massive septic infection that IV antibiotics were not curing. Called all the relatives,had one travel here as I felt it was the end. Had lots of texts with relatives I barely speak to. My mother is still very alive. She is off oxygen which I was told would never happen. Granted this is not at all the same situation. A conversation with the director should certainly happen. I guess a lawyer could be consulted but in the end do you want the individual removed because the relationship will likely become adversarial.