No help from family members. What should I do?

You can’t decide what others will or won’t do. One of my siblings was simply awful during the time my dad was on home hospice. He resented every bit of helping and it went better when he wasn’t there. Don’t twist anyone’s arm into helping, what you’ll get will be worse than no help at all. But you cannot continue to do this alone. It’s beyond exhausting to keep up. I hired extra help, not employees of the hospice agency, but people they had on a list of people who had done this type of work. It was amazing help. Sell a vacation property if you need money to make this happen, don’t pay with your own money. I wish you peace and rest, it’s a hard journey

Unfortunately your siblings aren’t as caring as you. Thank God your mother has you. What I would do, (if you have Power of Attorney) is sell the beach property and use the money to hire a live in aid in addition to the hospice care she is getting. This would give you a break and enable you to come and go as needed. I was in your situation and also used cameras in the house with a phone app so I knew who was coming and going during the times when I could not be there. I hope this is helpful to you.

I think things are very different in the U. S. From what they are here in Italy. Here all siblings would be responsible for their parents and you could suit them if they are not doing their share. That is the law but then it doesn't mean it actually works like that.
I am an only child so it is all on me but at least I do not have to argue.

Your siblings are under no obligation to provide help.

Yep, typical! One person usually does it all! It’s rare that siblings share the responsibility.

I was the one in my family that was closest to my parents and the only daughter, so I was expected to do it all. I had promised my father that I would always look out for mom.

Like you, I was willing to help but none of us realize how hard it is until we are in the thick of it all. Plus, I had to balance raising children along with caregiving. My wonderful husband helped out a lot.

My brothers showed up for the meals that I cooked, birthday gatherings for my mom, but never to help me. To make matters worse, the ones who don’t do the ‘hands on’ caregiving criticize the most. Sometimes this is brought on by the parent who stirs the pot. My mom would occasionally do that.

When the criticism started, I said to my brother, “If you can do better, then you take over.” I said to my mom, “If you don’t appreciate all that I do for you, you can live with your son.” I had cared for mom for 20 years! 15 of those years were in my home.

My brother could never take any criticism from others, so when I called him out on his behavior, things got ugly. Nevertheless, he took mom into his home. I finally had my life back. I hated the way it ended, the bickering, the lack of appreciation, the lack of respect and common courtesy.

Anyway, I spoke to mom afterwards and things were peaceful. In spite of anything and everything, I always loved my mom and brothers.

One day, I kept feeling that it was urgent that I call my mom. The feeling was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. I picked up the phone and dialed mom’s number. My brother answered and said that he placed mom in a hospice house. The hospice organization that was seeing her at my brother’s house arranged for her to go to the hospice house. She spent the last month of her life receiving excellent care from the hospice staff. She died with dignity and free from pain at the age of 95.

My brother absolutely shocked me by apologizing for his behavior and that he truly didn’t understand how hard it had been for me. I was so touched that I started to cry. He and I constantly went to see mom in her hospice house. She had end stage Parkinson’s disease. My younger brother had difficulty seeing mom like that and didn’t go very often. I believe in my heart that mom’s prayers brought healing in our family. She apologized to me as well.

I don’t get upset without a reason to be upset. When others offer an apology, I don’t hold bitterness in my heart.

Life can become complicated. Each of us has our own unique circumstances. It is beautiful when we are capable of putting differences aside, have common courtesy, respect, love, understanding of each other’s needs and forgiveness for each other. Some people have too much pride, are indeed self centered or they simply don’t know how to move forward in a relationship.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with the brunt of it all, while your sibs are doing their own thing. I don’t know how sick your mom is. If she is dying and you have an opportunity to place her in a hospice house, I highly recommend it. My mom’s care became too much for us. The hospice house was a Godsend. Mom had been praying for a way to relieve her family from the burden of her care.

Can you at least hire additional caregivers? Does mom have funds for that? Your sibling mentioned an assisted living facility. Does mom have funds for that if her care becomes too much for you?

Wishing you peace during this challenging time in your lives.

You are certainly not alone out there.. Not a hospice situation, but the following is a new post;

"Am I being paranoid or are all siblings selfish?"

Thanks all. Great answers. My siblings all had even more positive relationships with my mom than I did. They sure borrowed a lot from her, and used her vacation properties all the time. To now turn their back on her, and go on vacation while she is in hospice and I am doing all the work, seems incredibly selfish to me and ungrateful for all that my mom has done for them. I will stay the course.

Sell the beach house and hire aids to help you.

You can't change your siblings so you use the inheritance they are expecting to make mom's last days easier.

I am so sorry that you are left alone to deal with this. May your mom and you have peace and comfort during this difficult time.

I cannot judge your siblings. I have no idea what their life experience is of your Mom. We cannot change the actions of others. We can only do what we can do. If this is too much a burden for you then I would gently explain to your Mom that you cannot go on doing it. Hospice will serve her in assisted living, as well, if placement seems to be the answer. You don't say what her prognosis is, and what the expectations are in terms of expectations on longeivity. I would discuss with her doctor. I am so sorry you are both going through this alone.