I am so very tired, sad, exhausted, mentally and physically. I do not know how much longer I can deal with taking care of my MIL...I am the only one who is a stay at home person...Not that I wanted this....She had Dementia and it just keeps getting worse and she wants to depend on me more and more and more. I have help coming in next week for a couple of hours to help her try to get more strength and active...It is not soon enough for me. My husband helps, but it just is not enough because he works all day...He does take over as much as he can when he gets home...But it is just not enough...I want to run away from all of it!!!
Does anyone else feel like running away from it all !!! It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I feel EXHAUSTED all the time. And yes he has two brothers who keep her a few hours on weekends, but I need more relief than that, but when they pick her up...All I want to do is sit in peace and quiet because I do not get that...so I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I love her...But this is so hard....I want to run away....Is this a normal feeling for caregivers?
I am tired of giving up my life. I keep at it so my grandmother can die with dignity at home, but we're starting year 3 and I'm starting to think that this 89 year-old shadow of her former self will live to be 114.
I totally understand the desperation. I also understand the guilt.
For me to be free, grandma must go to greater glory or she must go to a nursing home. She is happier here in her own home. I still pray for release.
I can only imagine trying to do this for a MIL. I didn't even like my MIL. I couldn't have signed up to full time care for her. I know my limits, and honestly my own grandmother who I love with all my heart is pushing the limit.
Hugs to you. You are very normal.
Does your husband have siblings? If so, you need to call a family meeting and let them know that it is their turn to step up. It is important that your hub back you 100%.
If that is not possible, start looking into assisted living centers and nursing homes. The reason you may be feeling overwhelmed is that your MIL is declining and you do not have the training to keep up with her needs. Added to that, you are alone with her most of the day and completely isolated.
As much as you love your MIL, you should not be the primary person responsible for her care. You were just the one it got handed to. Me thinks that if your hub had to do this all day, he would be looking for other housing placements.
Caregivers have to stop suffering in silence. NO ONE will take care of your mental and physical well-being but you.
It is okay to come here to vent...we all do it. However, do one thing, starting today, that will help change your situation for the better. Start by talking to the hub and letting him know that you are no longer willing to take on this responsibility and then stick to it.
good luck...let us know how you are progressing.
She may actually enjoy getting out to socialize and be with someone other than you for a few hours. Mom is pretty advanced in her dementia, but goes to adult daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. I also have a full time helper during the day for the past year. The 2 years prior, I was on my own and ready to do something desperate! Everyone needs time to themselves for their own sanity.
Hope this helps!
See All Answers