We live in a place that is very very hot. My husband spent all last summer mowing my mother‘s yard. It’s not a large yard, but he does all the edging and does it up properly. We are in our 50s. The last time he mowed, he just looked exhausted and beat, and I said enough of this.I found a yard guy that we are somewhat acquainted with through other relatives and have known many years. I kind of told him some of my mother’s issues so he would understand that she requires special handling. I kind of told him some of my mothers issues so he would understand that she requires special handling. Particularly in scheduling and Not letting her dog get out of the back gate. I met him over there and he ended up not mowing because her yard was still too wet from rain. But he met her, she was polite, etc. He said he would come back when the yard dried up. He texted me last night and said he did not want to mow her yard, he did not feel good about it, Something made him afraid being there. She is odd and just has a really sad look about her. I get it. But just another example of the hassle this is turned out to be. He had a cheap rate, and my husband and I and mother, we’re going to take turns paying him. So now we’re back to the yard is overgrown and my husband will have to mow it. Because it took a lot of negotiating with her to even get her to agree to pay for half of the mowing when we were going to have the other guy do it. It’s just one thing after another. As you all know, it is hard to manage another person’s household. Not just them and their medical care but they’re actual home. And I’m not asking for anyone to berate me for why are we even negotiating getting someone to mow her yard. Getting her to spend any money at all even $40 is a huge ordeal. Husband and I can easily afford splitting the monthly cost with her. She can also now afford it since she got her SS raise from collecting in my dad’s record. We don’t want to take it on fully ourselves, but splitting it would be very manageable. But now we’re back to square one.
Then the neighbors complain to the local government that rats live there and are overrunning their property, constituting a nuisance. The city or county issues a citation. Mom freaks out. Someone explains that mom can no longer live there alone since she’s not capable of managing her life. Off she goes to Soulful Pines Assisted Living, paid for by sale of her house. Maybe she can take her dog, or maybe you acquire it. Mom is happy cavorting with her new friends at Soulful Pines, and you and hubby can have a life again. Even the dog benefits because you walk it regularly for fun.
Problem solved. All because you bravely refused mom’s ridiculous demands and refused to let her control you.
That is just the weirdest thing. I mean you speculated that it was because she looked sad, but really is that a reason not to mow a yard? It's not like she was inviting him in for tea and cookies. All he had to do was mow the yard and leave. I wish he would tell you the real reason he doesn't want to mow the yard. Was it that he was afraid the dog would get out?
Why not pay someone to mow every other week or once a month at least so DH only has to go over there two or three times a month for the summer?
Edging and weed eating can be done once a month and should still be OK looking for the property in general.
If the dog getting out is a concern hire someone to mow the front only and DH does the back? Maybe you can find someone on Facebook or Craigs list? Sometimes you can find churches will mow for free or a smaller cost for the elderly that can't get out to do it too (something to look into).
Adding: found a place called iwanttomowyourlawn.com that offers free lawn mowing for the elderly and disabled. Don't know how good they are or if they have anyone in your area but it's worth a try.
Sorry just read below about mom dictating the time of day someone can come and mow the yard. I suspect that is the reason he changed his mind. Too much trouble for the small amount he was going to charge.
Again another case of an elder dictating when and how something should be done at the inconvenience of other people who are trying to help. When you live somewhere hot ALL outdoor chores need to be done as early in the morning as humanly possible. Shame your mom can't just suck it up one morning a week to give your husband a break.
I had trouble finding someone to do DH aunts lawn. Finally I found this guy through word of mouth who has been awesome for years. I pay him by the month, in advance. He comes every Friday morning at 8, weather allowing. I see him only occasionally but recommend him to anyone who mentions needing someone. He now does aunts whole block. Ask someone whose lawn you admire. My guy only charges $35 a month. He has seen us through her poor blind dog where we had a temporary enclosure he had to weed eat around. Frozen pipes where I needed a flower bed dug into, etc.
My DH knows not to grumble too loud when he sees something he would have done differently or he wants to sleep in when we are at aunts home. I tell him everyone has an off day. It’s the months/years I remember. So good to have at least one thing that runs smoothly.
Join Nextdoor.com and post a request for recommendations for an independent, affordable lawn guy for your Mom. You'll get lots of input and maybe even some volunteers. Consider paying a better service to come every other week so that your hubs can cut back on how often he does it.
Some high schools now require volunteer hours for graduation. You may want to call your town's HS and ask. Or the local Boy Scout troop.
Good luck!
You may not want to use a professional lawn care company, but in my experience, they have a 'crew' and can do a job in a short period of time. It will cost more, but you kind of have to weigh out the positive and negatives. They can come, do the job, bill you and you split the bill with mom.
I know my MIL thought that paying someone $25 to mow, trim and weed each week was beyond expensive! Her yard was not big, but to do all that edging each week and keep the place up does require some time. It would take one person about 90 minutes to do the job to her satisfaction. That works out to less than minimum wage--and was an affront to any adult male who is trying to make a little side cash.
You know it's easier to KEEP a yard UP than to keep letting it get overgrown and messy. Does she get that?
Just for comparison: I got McDonalds for my g-kids. Nothing big, just Happy Meals all around and it came to over $25.
Perspective. A lawn mowed for $40 will look good for a week or more. And these days, sadly, $40 is not that much. Also, if this lawn guy has to clean up after the DOG--then $40 is not enough.
Just my opinion.
Just wondering because elders often will “ sabotage “ having help come . They often only want their family to help .
And yes you are correct , managing all this is a lot .