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You can get through it hard as it is. You do have support. Jun 29, it will be 3 yrs. I did it "alone" No time to gather real family and friends. Hospital gave "hope" she would beat it, Sepsis, then did a mixture of saying let her go along with ASAP.

Upon visiting and seeing the tips of her fingers and back of her head have cyanosis, I knew it was time.

The only person, not part of Pallative care or Spiritual, to show compassion was the 2 nurses. The dude who had called to push for letting her go, not only mentioned she was "dead" when she was brought back to ICU 5 days earlier, but acted like a kid in a candy store when he learned life support would be terminated. His behavior was so inappropriate, the Pallative care Doc asked to him to leave.

The nice nurse called to say she passed at 5:07 PM, 7 minutes after life support stopped.

Hospital wanted her out of there so fast, "doc" non medical staff member called police to deliver message to call them. Called, staff member mentioned start of decom to drive home the point they needed her out of there. Went back to sign,so they could release her to funeral home.
Later found out doc submitted his invoices to get paid, Jul 4, day after she was signed out and hospital sent her a survey on the care she got.
Peace is not dealing with this hospital or docs.

That's how I said goodbye to Mom.
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SueC1957 Jul 2019
Sorry about your experience at the hospital. Your mom knows you did your best.
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Be the closest you can be to your loved one, because in a little while you will never see them again. Be kind to yourself and don't worry if other relatives are going to partake in what is happening. Be strong for your loved one. I didn't think I could do it in the end with my grandma watching her suffer,I was so scared but deep down I knew she depended on me to be there for her. Many times I would go to the bathroom or downstairs and cry my eyes out litterally. But every time I went in her room, I had a big smile on my face and lots of love to give to her. My gram slipped into a coma state in the very end and I kept talking to her. They still can hear, so talk up a storm.😃
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My sister and I spent as much time as we could with mom while she was in hospice! We told her how much we loved her. We reminisced happy times! We told her we would miss her but it was time to let go and not be afraid. She didn't wake up after her stroke but she responded by moving her toes or hand. That day we communicated as much as we could and tried to make sure she understood she was getting excellent care! It was difficult but I am glad we spent that time with her.
Blessings to you!
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I am in the exact same situation. My mom has been declining while in hospice care for the last month and a half. I am taking care of her in my home and it is definitely horrific! That was the perfect word because witnessing somebody so strong and amazing become paralyzed and unable to move her body or drink and swallow. I have difficulty getting the words out but I do keep rubbing her head and holding her hand and kissing her forhead, unfortunately I need to give her meds but she is not working with me. I’m praying for her to have a quicker transition so she can be for me I miss her sleep hell she’s going through. The nurse could not tell me for sure if she was in the active dying phase yet because her vitals are so damn strong. My mom was always so healthy never drank or smoked but ovarian cancer took her down hard. If I can’t get her to respond soon will have to get the nurse back out sometime she listens to other people .
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EnduringLife Jul 2019
So similar....
I'm sorry you are facing this most difficult time as well katlew23.
My mom's passing is torturous. She is mostly unresponsive, not eating or drinking. She is nothing but bones....so emaciated. 😭
If I have her off oxygen her O2 saturation will drop, but other than that her vitals are strong.
When she has a fleeting moment of the 'here & now', she frets about her condition.
The evening brings the worst: nights are long & hard-
moaning, restlessness, tearing her blankets, gown & depends off.
To see ANYONE go through this is hard; for it to be our parent is crippling.
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That is a beautiful tribute to your loving mom - I miss mine every single day!
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My heart goes out to you . I pray that you find peace after she is reunited with her siblings and parents . My mother is still hanging in there but I’m dreading that day that will come soon.
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EnduringLife Jul 2019
Thank you,
This journey we all share is so difficult.
I know she'll be in a much better place, but watching her as she is now is very very painful.
Hospice nurse says it's a matter of days now. I'll be surprised if Mom makes it to weekend.
so many emotions....hard to cope, impossible to process.
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I know what you are going through OP. peace to you. Godspeed to your mom.
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Enduring, Hugs!

May God grant you grieving mercies and strength may He give your mom a peaceful passing.
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Thank you all for your prayers, good thoughts, and for sharing your personal stories.
It was tough...my mom was a strong willed woman whose dimentia kept her from fully grasping her condition. She fought the inevitable like a true warrior.
She finally came to peace and rest last night.
I was at her bedside holding her, soft light, Christian music and just encouraging her to allow her soul to be set free, from the prison her body had become.
With two small breaths, a slight smile, and a "brightening" of her face, she left this stage of her life.
God is so very good; I am so blessed and grateful to have cared for her and to be given the gift of being with her at her time of crossing.
On eagle's wings mom...FLY!
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smeshque Jul 2019
Enduring- sorry for your lost. Will pray for you and your family all the strength and courage you need.
Big hug
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Hugs ED,

May The Lord God grant you grieving mercies during this time.

Praise God that you know you will see her again one day and this is but a brief separation.
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You have been truly blessed to have as a mother a woman you love and adore. I hope you are SO grateful for that.

Not all of have that, never did, never will. It impacts us daily and not always in good ways.

What a sweet tribute, I wish you peace and calm in the coming days.
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I am sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in the days ahead.
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Enduring, my heart goes out to you. I wish you peace and comfort at this time. I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing as it helps us all as we travel down this road with our loved ones. God bless.
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EnduringLife Jul 2019
Thank you.
It helps to share....I find such comfort from the kind words, thoughts, and prayers given so warmly by each of you wonderful people. ❣️
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Enduring,
So sorry for your (temporary) loss. One day we all will be together again.
You were/are SO fortunate to have had a great mom. I was so envious (in a good way) when reading all the things that your mom did for you and with you. How I would have loved that as a kid. She sounds like June Cleaver, Harriet Nelson, Carol Brady and Donna Stone all rolled into one. As Midkid said, some of us weren’t so lucky. I’d have given anything to treasure the memories you have. What a great gift and you can pull those memories out anytime you want or need to. You were richly blessed.

My mom and I weren’t close (she was narcissistic) but I stuck by her through 8 years of Alzheimer’s (89-96 years old). Last year, a few months before she passed away she told me she loved me. She wasn’t sure who I was but she knew I had been there for her. I remember her smiling with confused little eyes. I was waiting a long time to hear that. She died this year on March 15. I was so glad that her struggle was finally over. I wish I could have your memories but I’ll treasure her little “I love you.” as long as I live.
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Hello again since our last message I have been very fortunate to get continuous care from hospice for my mother and it has made such a difference. They are able to keep her pain-free and help me with all of her repositioning needs. We know her time is getting close but still her vitals are strong. They keep telling me it is eminent but nobody can figure out When the actual time will come she has had no food or fluid in 10 days but I feel happy to know that she is not in pain we are spending time with her in the room and playing favorite TV shows and music. I hope your journey is getting better sending prayers and hugs.
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