When can a nursing home resident get a topper air mattress?

My daughter and I are out of state now.When we went to visit the wife booted us after 4 days of knowing we were there. Out of those days she would not let me talk or touch my father or even get near him. She would yell at me and I would be silent. I reported this and they offered family meeting and said to them that I knew his wife would not do a family meeting. She was just consumed with hurting my father. One day she said she gave him a tic tac. I saw her give it to him. I jumped from my seat and told my dad to spit it out and he did. I asked her what pill was she giving my dad. She replied, “A sugarless tic tac.” then as she was attempting to put it in her purse, I asked to see them. She just continued to place the box in her purse. I told the nurse and she asked what pill she gave my dad. She said a sugarless tic tac, he had an upset stomach. She said nothing further. My dad complained of a pain in the middle of his forehead. He scratched his nose, above his upper lip, his chin and then his arm. I told the nurse and she said he was itching from the dialysis. I told her it started about 20 minutes after he ate the pill. She did not go in his room. Then his wife was abusive, squeezing his knuckles and the other wrist. He was said,“Ouch,you’re squeezing too hard.”
She put the call light on and the CNA came in and she said to the CNA,”He has been in pain a long time now. He said it was dialysis that was making him itch and not the Narco. He wants his Narco. I told the CNA quietly that he has been asleep 30 minutes and she woke him up. He left the room and so did I. My dad was moaning aloud. I told the nurse what was really happening. She went in the room and my dad’s wife said the same exact words she said before to the CNA. I told my daughter to tell the nurse what her grampa was saying. She did. The nurse told his wife not to squeeze so hard. Then asked my dad twice if he wanted the Narco he said,” no Narco”, twice. She gave him Tylenol. After some time went by his wife stared to aggressively massage his temporal and carotid artery. I got up from my chair and asked her what she was doing to my dad’s carotid artery. She said nothing. I told the nurse and she went in with a B/P cuff. I left to the lobby and called 911. A police officer came in and i told him all what was going on and that I made a report a few days earlier on another incident, her trying to sneak a pill to my dad, but waiting only for the nurse to give him his Narco which he quit taking two days before and refused it numerous times. Well, the PO went in the room. My daughter was still there. Would not leave her grampa alone. The PO did some chit-chatting and left. Came to me and said he asked my daughter questions and she would not answer. He said I perceived it all. I learned later that he lied to me from my daughter and that my dad and his wife said I was mentally ill, had bi-Polar and did not take my medicine like I was suppose to. (They knew nothing of my meds I take or how I use them - I will say I am on top of it and well taken care of by my dr. I see regularly.) I reported this to agency and they did an investigation and found no abuse. Wife had supervised visits for a time and then let on the loose. I went to the PO Dept. after the weekend and reported that the pill I saw was not a tic tac. That my daughter pulled out a box from her purse and the mints were completely different and if they had a database or book of pills so I could identify it. They said no. I reported the PO that came to the NH. They said he did not file a report. During a wet change, before the abuse, his wife said she would get it so I could not see my dad. “She kept saying to leave them alone!” Well, other family members can see him. She started the separation of us after she saw his will. After 6 mo. he wanted to talk to me, then see me. She took away his phone. Said she was getting him a new one and never did. I bought him one. She heard the news and it was gone the next day. I wanted to report it stolen, but the NH SW’s said they would look more. When my daughter and I brought up his TV, since his wife never got him one, we were surround by 2 SW’s and the Administrator and told to leave. I asked if they found they phone. They said ,No.” I asked to fill out a report and the said to leave again. Now that is all worse than a mess. Welcome to my nightmare!

ps - I meant to say how great it was that your dad has a comfortable air mattress but it seems it appeared out of nowhere? Someone provided it, maybe the nursing home had one in storage, felt bad for him and decided to use it. Be sure that you tell APS that you want to be informed of your dad's condition and how he's being cared for and you know your dad would want you to know. It's just another negative thing that his wife is doing that would be opposed to his wishes and not in his best interest. That's your focus. That and primarily whether he is of sound mind or not. Best thoughts an energy to you, your daughter, and your dad as you move forward.

Is your dad dying from his diabetes or is he merely weak and too much to be cared for at home? Doed your dad also have some dementia? Unless he does, he has a right to speak up an expressed his intention to want to see you and your daughter. A POA does not supersede the person. An agent for the person must follow the persons wishes. Doesn't your dad wish to see you and his granddaughter? He can even sign a new POA with you as the agent, removing his sociopathic wife. If he has dementia to the point of incompetency, he won't be able to do that. In that case, you can call in Adult Protective Services. If I were in your shoes, I go to the office, make a connection with someone, and explain the problem. Basically, do you think anyone will feel its in your dad's best interests for you and your daughter to be excluded from visiting him at this stage in his life?

APS will have to investigate, they will try to talk to your dad, to the staff at the NH, and they will talk to your stepmother. Be prepared for her to say that you have some kind of destructive influence on your dad. lf you have a sense that it's not going your way for some reason, you could always offer to have supervised visitation so and objectives third party can be involved. You course of action depends upon the mental status of your dad. Please keep us up to date on what's happening. This is one of those torturous situations.

My dad is 83 and diabetic and bony and says he is in pain, will moan and is on dialysis. He just got an air mattress and from whom i do not know. Did he get a bedsore? I don’t know either. Family there by him just don’t ask questions. Some think they are being nosy, like me! I have to coach some to get answers I have been trying to advocate for him. He is in a NH that should not even exist.The wife has barred me and my daughter from contacting him. She has POA and is a devious scoundrel of a b.. A domestic sociopath.

When Mother was in rehab and/or hospital, they gave us whatever mattress we requested. As mentioned, they aren't very costly and can be purchased anywhere, even Walmart.

We bought mom an extra padding for her flimsy hospital bed mattress at Bed, Bath and Beyond and it is comfy for her.

Vikki beat me to it...how old is dad? Is he the one mentioned in your profile with diabetes? What is his insurance? HMO, Medicare, Medicare + Supplemental or Medi/Medi. Is he obviously uncomfortable or in pain? Has he told you he's in pain or does he groan? I think I can tell you more after these answers but in the meantime you can get a twin size Geo Matt - mentioned by Vikki - thru Walmart for about $80. Hope this is a good temporary fix.

What they are telling you is that he can get one if its paid for. And you'd think that Medicare would want to be proactive and preventive in high risk situations, but you'd be wrong. You can't get true pressure relief wheelchair cushions as easily on Medicare either. I think for Medicaid pain or discomfort could be a criterion also. You might be able to get a GeoMatt for less than alternating air if you want to get one yourself...they can be gotten easily in hospital, and then rolled up and taken home as they won't be reused for another patient.