Mom is in AL. The facility passes the smell test but she does not. The facility has her on a toileting schedule. She resists. Mom does not realize that her briefs need to be changed. Her chair, which I regularly recover with mattress protectors, stinks. Mom gets showered twice weekly. It can be more if required. I provide the briefs. How do I convince my mother, with advanced dementia, that her briefs (diapers) need to be changed more frequently? How do I convince her to accepted the necessary help with toileting? And..how can I mitigate the lingering odor in her room? Fabreeze is great but even that has its limits. Is there anything I can place in her room to continuously help to eliminate the odor? She is oblivious to all of this.
Try baking soda instead; it absorbs odors, as do newspapers and coffee grounds, although I wouldn't normally suggest leaving coffee grounds in an area where someone with dementia is staying. You could try putting them in a bottle, or large container like those for herbs and seasonings. Leave the top off but the perforated internal cover so the odors can be absorbed by the coffee grounds.
A scented candle, if not overpoweringly chemical in smell, might help, but consider the danger of leaving it anywhere where your mother might be able to access it.
Lemon is also a possibility. Some friends who also use organic only treatments use lemon as a cleanser. It can interact with some metals though. I cleaned my sink with it and it turned the metal base around the drain to a rusty color, which I haven't been able to eliminate.
I don't have any other suggestions but you might raise this with one of the staff and see if there are other substances that could be used. Hospitals and nursing homes probably see this often, and I suspect there are some more powerful treatments that they have.
Don't use bleach though; the odor is overwhelming.
It sounds as though your mother is in an AL that is more appropriate for people who are mostly independent and whose need for assistance is minimal. Bottom line is that she isn't receiving the care she needs, unfortunately administrators will often promise much more than the facility has appropriate staff to handle. Her dementia is only going to get worse and with it will come physical decline, I think now is the time to look for a higher level of care.
I do think, though that you may be placing the bar a little too high in terms of your expectations for your mother.
Does she change her own garments? If not, the help staff should have a pretty reasonable schedule for her toileting needs.
You indicate that she “does not realize” that her personal garments “need to be changed”, but that is the absolute fact, SHE DOES NOT REALIZE, and CANNOT realize, and most likely will NEVER REALIZE that she needs fresh underwear, because she has dementia.
You cannot “convince” her, because she has very likely lost the capacity to be convinced. Given her sensory and cognitive limitations, (“She is oblivious to all of this”) she cannot be expected to understand and act on what you are expecting of her.
If the AL care givers are not expecting more of you, try to understand and accept the fact that they are probably focused on preventing skin break down, and not as much focused on your concern about odor.
There are room fragrances and deodorizers that contain only natural ingredients, and they can used to dissipate or conceal the odors that seem objectionable to you.
Hope this helps!
As for her chair, you can check out the pet stores for cleaning products that can be used on furniture. These stores also carry items that you can place in the room to absorb ordors.
As others had mentioned, sadly you can't convince a person with dementia to make changes. Is your Mom in the Memory Care section of the Assisted Living?
They are safe BUT you don’t want them to fall out on to a wood surface, it will ruin it. Learned that the hardway!
Also read the ingredients used in these plug-ins. Some plug-ins the scented smell can cause diarrhea in infants. So I wonder if the same can be said for the elderly? I know these items are not good around pets.
The only real scented items I buy are from either of two herbal suppliers. One grows her own herbs, is very particular and once discontinued a wonderful, soothing amber essence body cream b/c her herbal and natural ingredients supplier became unavailable. The other also grows her own herbs and is still expanding her product line.
I buy my facial and skin creams only from these suppliers.
Another thought is to use essential oils to create natural fragrances.
How often in a day are you able to come, or can you set aside 2-3 days to be there a lot of the time to learn her behaviors with regards to elimination (not just show up and she is soiled again.) the overall goal would be a little pre-emption to be able to gently replace soiled for clean.
Is she still sing the toilet some of the time? if so what time of the day? When she has her pants down, step and and gently replace with clean. Or if she takes off clothing at night, put new clean clothes out without her really being aware, and replace soiled, including briefs.
But with the goal of getting her to think she is in charge, not you. After all she has been in charge of this activity for most of her life.
Maybe she simply does not like the style of briefs you have chosen, but does not understand that. I have one family that calls their Mother's briefs her "party pants". She has always liked to dress up, and always wore nice underclothing. there are some nice looking briefs available (albeit a little more expensive). but by changing the type of brief and tapping into Mom's love of nice clothing, they're able to address the issue. So maybe there is some way to look at the whole process differently. As you said changing, not lowering, your expectations based on Mom's lifelong habits.
All the best. It is not easy. eliminating odors is another problem, and there are a lot of good suggestions here. I would avoid scents that simply cover up, and go with ones that eliminate. And I agree with the animal lovers, housepet odor eliminators are often the best and the least expensive overall.
Finally, the basic problem may come down to the fact that you are her child. And have never been in charge of personal care for your parent. Often, by having facility staff provide care, your Mom will be more receptive. This removes you fro the loop, and from being the "bad guy". Staff are particularly trained, especially those with Memory Care training, to deal with this and other particular issues arising with Dementia. Adding increased caregiver hours will cost though, and that is another consideration.
What does the facility recommend for getting her to change her depends more frequently?
I had to sit face to face with my dad and tell him that I know that he can't help it and I know that he would be embarrassed, so lets deal with this by wearing briefs, changing them when they are wet. He was mad, but once he realized that he was more comfortable it wasn't a problem.
Oh, if her cloths get saturated with urine, a regular wash may not get rid of all the odor. Check her closet, it may be time to take them home and do a vinegar and baking soda soak or replace items.
I don't recommend covering the odor, it doesn't really work, it smells like covered up odor. White vinegar is amazing, it will even get the stains out and it is cheaper than any other options(3.50 a gallon), non toxic, and can be stored in her room. I would keep a gallon and a spray bottle handy to spritz any spots as they occur.
Best of luck, that is a tough one.
You can also use kitty litter under her chair and bed as an odor absorber.
I have this little thing that plugs in and emits a mist from a reservoir containing a mix of water and essential oils. A sort of mini humidifier. It can be set to produce a steady streaming mist or periodic puffs. It does need to be regularly refilled but on the periodic puff setting it does last 24 hours. The mist is not hot even when set on the steady stream so burning ones hands/fingers isn’t really a threat.
Still - I imagine that if mom is sitting around in soiled briefs no amount of scented products will adequately freshen the air. I’d start there.
you might like to view the information there even if no pressure sores at present. It explains why regular changing and washing plus barrier cream are important,
For the room odour check out
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Purifying-Eliminator-Absorber-Closets-Charcoal/dp/B004BOH6BM
Bicarbonate of soda is also excellent - you can get some talcs with that in it - neat bicarbonate can cause skin irritation but mixed it is great for the skin and odours.
from my garage cement floor a few years ago and the smell never returned. Now I use it on furniture, carpet cleaner and car seat for my incontinent Dad. It’s available at big box stores like Home Depot, Lowes, and Walmart. I buy the gallon concentrate eucalyptus scent for fabrics but note there is also a bio stain version with special enzymes for urine and other bodily fluids. I have not tried it because the regular version works for my needs.
It doesnt try to cover up the Odor but actually eliminates it. Comes in both a solid or gel.
Just tell your mom that her panties (diapers) have pee and need to be changed.
Sone people don't like to hear diapers and they might not remember the word soiled.
Have your mom's potty chair wiped down daily with fabuloso
Alternatively, hire a caregiver for this need. Expensive but it takes away your worries.
Or it is possible that your mom needs Memory Care not AL.
She should be checked every 2 hours and changed when necessary.
As far as eliminating the odors.
Odor Ban, I purchased it the gallon size at Sam's Club. It does not mask the odors but eliminates them It is also good in the wash.
Clorox has a product called Urine Remover works on hard and soft surfaces.
Again I think this calls for a discussion at the facility where you mom lives.
Not up to mom, if she has dementia, the NH needs to address it more frequently. Mention to staff & when you have a care meeting. I had issues as well, also, they do not allow powder....
So I would talk to the person in charge. Either the staff addresses this issue immediately, or she needs to be moved to personal care, or something needs to change. If she has dementia she is not the right fit for assisted living.
The focus needs to be on the real issue of her sitting in soiled briefs too long. Are they adult diapers or underwear? Urine doesnt smell bad right away. It smells horrible after hours. Or can smell like ammonia if the person is dehydrated. They need to be changed mult times a day. Not 1x a day.
As far as I know assisted living is for people that need a bit of help but are still quite independent. Not dementia pts! Just forgetful, or need to be watched for falls, but still able to take care of themselves. So staff only provides light support.
She needs a higher level of care now. So either the staff doesnt care, or you are in denial. I know assisted living is much cheaper than a nursing home. I dont blame you there. But this should be addressed asap. The urine/soiling herself is the main problem. The smell is the least of your worries. Your chasing your tail by not addressing the main cause. You need to discuss asap. You might have to hire a cna to come in and change her briefs. Might be cheaper than memory care. But I think with dementia she is not safe in assisted living. They have stoves and micros in their room. Staff only checks on them. They dont watch 24/7. Good luck.
I imagine that they have found that most seniors are less resistant to the term "Assisted Living" and will seek help sooner or not fight their families so hard.
I am of the age that I get mailings every other day and I see this memory care, assisted living term consistently.
If she has a UTI, that needs to be treated by a doctor. If she has many UTI's she can end up not having her kidneys work well and the waste products get deposited in her skin, Then, she will always smell of ammonia/urine. In that case, she'll need more frequent bathing with a very mild soap and lots of lotion since the skin will be itchy.
For odor, washing machine scent crystals to cover some of her personal odor since her clothes will be scented.. There are room fresheners that cycle on and off over a period of time. You'll have to see if the facility allows the room fresheners.
Have you modified her wardrobe and shoes to make this process less burdensome? I would find some nice slip on shoes (when you find ones that work, get a few pairs so she is covered for a year) and put her in a skirt (elastic waist, mid calf to provide leg warmth, presto). That would simplify the entire process to a few seconds instead of a long project.