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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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That is a great question. Most people prepare for death with wills and trusts but don’t realize the real trouble comes not when you die, but when you are mentally or physically unable to take care of yourself. I have put down many animals - dogs, cats, horses - over the years. I loved them all, but when their quality of life went to zero, I chose to help them exit their suffering. I wish people had the same choice.
So do I--very much! Neither my husband (who will be 95 in 3 days) or me (88 in January) ever thought we'd still be hanging around at these ages. But here we are.
I am school but I think people are simply living just too damn long. I will make sure to force my exit long before I become a burden to my husband.
People always call me insensitive when I say this but I never understood why our system forces families and those living with things like dementia to prolong what will 100% be a miserable life for someone or everyone.
People are quick to say think about the person with dementia but that conversation always ignores the caregiver. So yeah no way am I going leave my husband to make that choice. If something were to happen to me where I have the potential to become a burden I am done and will remove that choice from him.
Not as easy as you think, as Dorothy Parker posited. I myself wish they would issue us a pill for option, or that we at least had Pagasos or Dignitas. While many can afford to travel to Europe, their documentation, even to old divorces is amazingly onerous. One good thing to stay informed is joining FEN (Final Exit Network) for options. I do think that the VSED Handbook written by Kate Christie is excellent and with a good bibliography as well (Voluntary stop eating and drinking).
Saving lots of money for memory care. I've decided to stop taking my blood pressure meds at 65. I'm not going to fend off a heart attack just to die of some long-ass dementia. Chemo for cancer at 75? No thanks, I'll pass. I've thought about offing myself after a grim dx, but I'm pretty sure I'd chicken out a hundred times. So I'll pay for a facility. My family knows I do not want any of them trying to deal with me at home.
Please don't stop taking your blood pressure meds. It's not just heart attacks you should be worried about. High blood pressure leads to lower levels of oxygen in the blood and narrowed arteries, which can lead to other health issues, including brain damage and dementia. High blood pressure can lead to blood clots, which could cause a stroke. This in turn can lead to immediate cognitive decline and dementia.
Believe me, living with these conditions (which you could do for many years) would entail a reduced quality of life, with no capacity to make any worthwhile changes on your part. You would have to endure your condition and your lack of opportunity to make a better life.
Now that my mother has passed away(1 yr), I'm just trying to get rested. I've no idea what my plan is as I've been single, no children,no boyfriend. Retired early at 65 and have no close friends. I don't have much, so it doesn't matter what happens when I go. I'm just happy that I'm not going to be a burden to anyone I know and love. I'm hoping to get rid of things so my apartment won't be so bad to clean out, been here since 2006 and ? No plans, just day by day till it's my time. Nothing wrong with that, I've worked very hard for 40+ years and devoted myself to caring for my parents. For myself, it's time not to worry about what comes next. Just stay healthy and not get injured.
I recently posted most of this message under another question, but it would bear restating under this category as well. We are OLD. My husband will be 95 in 3 days. He is mobile for his age (uses a cane) but has some short-term memory and executive function issues. I will turn 88 in January and have back problems that impact my physical abilities. So far, I am able to maintain the household with some hired help. Our legal paperwork is in place. We are determined that our adult children will NOT provide hands-on care!
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
My mother died at 95 and my father will be 96 on Wednesday. All I know is I don’t want to get that old and infirm, I’m hoping for a good heart attack before that point.
Caring for my combative mother with dementia was so stressful! We’ve told the kids they are to help assess suitable care homes should the need arise. No hands on caregiving! Now that our youngest is 18 we should assign POAs to our kids. Wills are already drawn up.
We love our large acreage and rural home in a desirable area. Some of our friends will struggle to retire. (we’re all 60ish) So we’ve been discussing a commune. Renting bedrooms or having friends park tiny homes, tying in to our wells, etc. We could pitch in to hire a cook, cleaner and maintenance help. Obviously that would require a seriously detailed agreement (and very judicious choices) as our needs change. But we see it an option as long as our health holds up and we can drive. We are already simplifying the upkeep and sorting stuff. Plus we have retirement savings.
Having said all of that, I have a fatal allergy so I’ve got an easy out if I need it. I’ll have one of those compartment rings made like secret agents wear in the movies.
Love the question and the answers it inspires. 1.Decisions must be made early and done legally. 2.The idea that a big heart attack or stroke will come and end it is so not true. What it does is make you more infirm and reliant upon others. 3.Make sure your whole family have copies of your legal paperwork. 4.Make your lawyer in charge of following your will, not kids. 5.Charge your lawyer with dispensing of your estate and that person will be the one to distribute or sell to kids per your will. 6.If you think you will end your own life with pills or starvation when you are old and senile - you won’t. You will be old and senile and have no clue. 7.Make a living will so that others will be required to abide by it and decide when you will go into hospice care - you might refer to a mental state as well as a physical state. State do not force feed and medicate only for pain. Be specific. 8.Make your friends aware of your decisions. 9.Live like you will die tomorrow - spend your money, take risks, stay on meds that keep you from becoming disabled, do the things you want to do and don’t listen to those who say you can’t because it is not safe!!!! Live simply and joyfully. Let everyone know how you feel about life and death. 10. Be aware of legislation in your state https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
My two children (29 & 31) have been watching me care for my own mother (97) for many years and have seen the sacrifices that have been necessary.
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.
Since you are quite firmly decided not to be a burden, while your children plan never to put you in a facility, it would probably be a good idea for you to tell them many times--preferably also in writing--that if your care *does* become too much for them to manage, to please put you in a facility. Otherwise, they may remember that they told you they wouldn't!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
People always call me insensitive when I say this but I never understood why our system forces families and those living with things like dementia to prolong what will 100% be a miserable life for someone or everyone.
People are quick to say think about the person with dementia but that conversation always ignores the caregiver. So yeah no way am I going leave my husband to make that choice. If something were to happen to me where I have the potential to become a burden I am done and will remove that choice from him.
I've thought about offing myself after a grim dx, but I'm pretty sure I'd chicken out a hundred times. So I'll pay for a facility. My family knows I do not want any of them trying to deal with me at home.
High blood pressure leads to lower levels of oxygen in the blood and narrowed arteries, which can lead to other health issues, including brain damage and dementia.
High blood pressure can lead to blood clots, which could cause a stroke. This in turn can lead to immediate cognitive decline and dementia.
Believe me, living with these conditions (which you could do for many years) would entail a reduced quality of life, with no capacity to make any worthwhile changes on your part. You would have to endure your condition and your lack of opportunity to make a better life.
No plans, just day by day till it's my time. Nothing wrong with that, I've worked very hard for 40+ years and devoted myself to caring for my parents. For myself, it's time not to worry about what comes next. Just stay healthy and not get injured.
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
We love our large acreage and rural home in a desirable area. Some of our friends will struggle to retire. (we’re all 60ish) So we’ve been discussing a commune. Renting bedrooms or having friends park tiny homes, tying in to our wells, etc. We could pitch in to hire a cook, cleaner and maintenance help. Obviously that would require a seriously detailed agreement (and very judicious choices) as our needs change. But we see it an option as long as our health holds up and we can drive. We are already simplifying the upkeep and sorting stuff. Plus we have retirement savings.
Having said all of that, I have a fatal allergy so I’ve got an easy out if I need it. I’ll have one of those compartment rings made like secret agents wear in the movies.
1.Decisions must be made early and done legally.
2.The idea that a big heart attack or stroke will come and end it is so not true. What it does is make you more infirm and reliant upon others.
3.Make sure your whole family have copies of your legal paperwork.
4.Make your lawyer in charge of following your will, not kids.
5.Charge your lawyer with dispensing of your estate and that person will be the one to distribute or sell to kids per your will.
6.If you think you will end your own life with pills or starvation when you are old and senile - you won’t. You will be old and senile and have no clue.
7.Make a living will so that others will be required to abide by it and decide when you will go into hospice care - you might refer to a mental state as well as a physical state. State do not force feed and medicate only for pain. Be specific.
8.Make your friends aware of your decisions.
9.Live like you will die tomorrow - spend your money, take risks, stay on meds that keep you from becoming disabled, do the things you want to do and don’t listen to those who say you can’t because it is not safe!!!! Live simply and joyfully. Let everyone know how you feel about life and death.
10. Be aware of legislation in your state https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.