My dad was the nicest, polite gentleman I knew, but lately he is a pig when eating. Has to talk while his mouth us crammed full of food, picks at crumbs on his shirt and shovels them into his mouth and smacks his food or his drink and it is making me crazy! Also spits particles of food out after he eats jus t randomly.
LearningPeace, I tend to be very sensitive here on AC. I read from the beginning of this thread. Rosie came on too strong and I wanted to respond but held back. Because I knew that those who had a Very Dysfunctional Childhood would say something. Then LP, you posted. You read the comments to your posts. You Apologized. I accepted. JessieBelle accepted it.
Now, I have been hurt several times from this site. Please know that this site is for All who are Caregivers - whether at your home, your parents' home or even if they're in Assisted Living or Nursing Home. This is for us to come and share, or vent. The advice given to me, over and over when someone had hurt me, was to take what Works for You, and Ignore what doesn't. Everyone here has a different childhood background. And not everyone here is legitimate (and just want to cause anger within a discussion or to attack people.) I never ever jump immediately that a person is a troll. I just assume they're new to online discussions and don't know the etiquette.
Please don't leave because of this thread. I have my own "home" thread that I know is safe (most times) from attacks. Like JessieBelle, sometimes this site gets to me, and I have to back off.
JessieBelle - {{{HUGS}}}
I think you are looking at a "snapshot" and seeing a whole life. We come to this site some days just to vent, complain, and yes feel sorry for ourselves. But that day is not everyday. Just because my Hubs (or parent, or FIL/MIL, or whoever) is making me crazy , and causing my anger or self-pity, right now, doesn't mean it will be that way tomorrow, or next week. A just maybe coming here to vent helps us get through it and over it.
And yes, if you don't like it here, go away. One of the things my Hubs does that makes me nuts...." watches" a TV show, all the time complaining about how bad it is. But he won't let me turn it off, or even change the channel. hhhmmmmm
Venting to lessen stress is NOT being disrespectful. That's what this community is for - a safe place to vent.
The loss of table skills is due to loss of fine motor control, sight, hearing, and sense of smell & taste. And loss of left brain behavior controls.
It does make mealtime a real task to endure though, for the rest of us.
Put a bath towel over his torso to keep his clothes clean. Make sure he has washed his hands in front of you before meal times. Lord only knows where those fingers have been! Maybe think about how to change the food so it's easier for him to handle. E.g. pre-cut pieces or bite-size pieces. Things that stick to the fork or spoon. Yes, just like when we were kids or had kids of our own. Emily Post isn't coming over for a meal, so go ahead & put the peas & mashed potatoes together.
See if you can find flatware that is easier to grip. There are handles you can slip on over existing flatware and special spoon/fork you can get online or at most local home health supply places. They are marketed for people with arthritis.
Sectioned plates help, so the food is in a compartment and easier for the person to hone in on. Depending on your dad's personality, I wouldn't talk about the changes, I would just implement them and see what works and what doesn't. You don't have to explain anything. All you can do is your best, and there really aren't any after-school specials about this stuff last time I checked. We just learn from each other and get by. ::hugs::
My mom used to have decent table manners now chews with her mouth open, things fall out, opens her mouth wide for a bite of food and I can see all the chewed up food in there. My mom doesn't have dementia that I know of ..but might be just due to decline in age and possibly motor skills?
Anyway, sometimes it is so hard for me to eat with them.. and I feel so guilty even admitting this. Sometimes I eat without looking up and I have my Ipad on my lap and look at something else. Sometimes I am purposefully late hoping they will go ahead and eat and I can eat in peace.. but they wait for me!
Anyway.. just wanted to vent about that..its something that has been bothering me but it would hurt them both so much if they knew...One more thing to endure.
If you have notes over time to go back to, it will be easier to connect the dots for any doctor who may need to get involved or to make sure you're seeing them realistically. My mom's own doctors chalked up a bunch of symptoms to "old age" or lack of willpower on her part. She should have seen a neurologist and a geriatric specialist 15+ years ago because they would not have blown off all these little things that actually did add up. We could have intervened sooner and maybe improved her quality of life earlier than what actually happened.