I apologize in advance if this topic has been previously covered. I find similar questions, but not quite the same scenario or corresponding answers.
My mom will be 80 this year and about 6 years ago started displaying signs of dementia. MRI follow-up with doctor showed "white matter disease" and the neuro said she had vascular dementia.
The major obstacle here is she flat-out refuses to be seen by a physician. Apart from the dementia she also has severe osteoarthritis, has been diagnosed Type II diabetic, and has heart disease. She saw a doctor last 4 years ago! No amount of pleading changes her mind. She has a lot of pain, but still refuses. Prior to the dementia, she would on occasion see a doctor, but frankly, hates them. I don't know if there is anything that can be done for the dementia - I would say it is moderate heading toward severe - but I would love to have her seen by a professional. She is currently not on any meds.
We live together and I am the only caregiver and am disabled from several autoimmune diseases. I have one sibling who has no contact with us and no other family. I am unable to leave her for any period of time and have no type of support. That's another thing - she will not have anyone in her home. I offered to have a doctor come to the house well, her response was too colorful for this forum. I cannot leave to attend caregiver support meetings. At the risk of sounding whiney, I am having increased trouble with my health now due to the stress of dealing with the ins and outs of Mom's dementia.
I should add that I do not have POV, nor does she have ANY legal forms in place. I think she thought she "had time", but now, time is running out. I have to admit, this scares me - I love my mother and want to do the best I can for her and not leave decisions up to someone else who doesn't care.
I am thankful for the info I have gleaned from this site. Prior to this evening, I have felt very depressed, but reading many of the articles has shown me I am not alone.
Thank you for your suggestions and answers.
Finally I told her that she was going or she was going to wind up in the hospital. She kept arguing, I finally told her that if I had to call both of my sisters, we were going to drag her butt to the doctor, no ifs ands or buts! Now I admit that my vocabulary could probably have been nicer, but after hours of her yelling at me, I had, had it!!!
She has dementia and cannot make the best choices for herself, that is why I am her POA. You listen and deal with the crap as long as you can and then you have to make a stand and say "no more bull----!" In your instance if you are quite ill then it sounds like you both need help and your mother needs medication to quiet her down and quell the tantrums. It is time for it. We just began my mother a few months ago and it was working great but she began getting headaches and so we had to stop one of the meds. I have to get them to institute another one as I cannot live through the hell she has put me through. The tantrums and argumentative behavior is just too overwhelming. I too am on disability and have medical problems of my own.
Is there any family member who can assist you? If not call a social worker perhaps they could help you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
As for the will, if she cant realise how important it is to have one, you might have to appoint some type of guardian to assist with end of life plans. Im not sure about that though, so you might need tp hire lawyer.
Ferris1, I have lately found myself just letting Mom "be". I do believe it will take an injury/accident before she receives help. She has had a few falls - one pretty bad - and refused help. I dread the thought. Again, a situation like the one that led to the paramedics being here might be the thing that changes it all.
Kazzaa, we sound much alike. Being chronically ill was hard before, but now, well, it feels like I have fallen in a pit and cannot climb out. I have been on SSD since 1998. Limited funds and no home other than here, which makes it very hard to go. Where? My brother has nothing to do with us. Frankly, I think he recognized the dementia long before I did - he's a police officer (well, now retired), and has seen plenty of this. I think if I wasn't so angry, I might be able to deal better. I'm working on it, but am not very good at letting do. :) I do have a very caring half-brother and his wife, but they live in Northern California - about 8 hours away. Too far away to get a night away, but ultimately the place I will land one day.
Thank you all! Your comments are invaluable!!
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