We can't get them to budge on assistance? We moved to Florida last year to give them help. We take them to Dr. Appt.'s, shopping, outings, while they live with other family member, equal ownership in same house. Father wants to sell, brother don't, so dad is stuck in this house, we won't leave it. We have invited them to live with us, where I can cook for them and see they are eating healthy.(Mother has diarhea most of the time because of food, not properly taken care of) She is about a stage 5 now and he is still expecting her to cook for him. He has been taken care of her solely and is really depressed. Evident after seeing him in tears at Thanksgiving dinner talking to pastor. I want to help him and he still won't let me. I've been telling him it will be easier to move her before ALZ gets really bad, he is getting the brundt of abusive remarks. What can we do before something bad really happens, like he break a hip as he is very unstable. A soon to be big problem for all?
Find a doctor in the area who specializes in Geriatrics. Make them an appointment. "To ask permission is to seek denial". Tell them, don't ask them.
Is there Meals on Wheels where they live?
Are they cooking in SIL's kitchen? Is she concerned about them eating spoiled food, contaminating her food?
What sort of help is dad refusing? to move mom to a NH where she will be well taken care of? Or to bringing in help? Will he allow himself to be evaluated for depression and possibly meds for that? He's unstable on his feet? Will doctor order PT for that?
As you sense, this is a disaster waiting to happen.
Will Dad accept limited help, say "a laundress" or "a cook"? Sometimes if you pitch home health aides in this way, it sits better with elders. It frames the help in a way that they can connect to.
With regard to mom's bowels, what does the doctor say? Do you mean that she's eating spoiled food or just food that is bad for her?
Sorry to ask so many questions, but post back so that we can all help to solve this.