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I know you are the Energizer Bunny Pam but you also realize that being content in ones own skin has immence value.
What would people rather have a set of 80+ parents who are content to do nothing all day or ones that ring that little bell you so thoughtfully provided to summon you all the time.
Me I pop my head out of my shell when I really want to interact. I make a lot of plans and even assemble the pieces for projects but rarely get beyond that these days.
This bunny is high on a hill and hibernating. I'm not fond of TV, but I do enjoy watching people with bald tires trying to get up the Niagara Escarpment. I can see a mile down the road, steep and curved. I saw a truck descending the curve hit the brakes and actually pick up speed. I held my breath until he got control back.
helpfulone, as long as your folks are happy, let them watch TV all day. You have to remember, once someone gets into their 80's and 90's, they are plum tuckered out, they have lived a very long life. It takes them twice as long to do something around the house, even getting up out of bed and dressing.
My parents were always on the go, non-stop, but age has a way of catching up with you.... along with failing eyesight, and poor hearing.... and aching bones.
My parents would brag that they only needed 6 hours of sleep at night.... but they failed to add into that amount the time they napped after breakfast.... the time they napped after lunch, and again before dinner.... then that nap during the evening news, etc. I bet it added up to 10-12 hours. I knew because every time I dropped by their house, I found them zoned out in the living room :)
I will be 70 this year, and guess what? I find myself dozing after lunch and I miss half of the Dr. Phil shows at 4pm because I fall asleep... and don't get me started about the evening news. I even dozed off turning a Republican Debate !!! It will happen to you, too :P
My mother watches TV all day long, too. She watches the Game Show Network and INSP from the time she wakes up until the time she goes back to bed. The only time she stops watching is when we go somewhere. Is it healthy for her? No, but she is 89, so I let her do what she wants to do. The Waltons make her happy, so I am grateful for them.
Whatever makes them somewhat content. My mom watches Property Brothers on HG. At least they're somewhat hot and makes for good dreams. Heee!
I wonder what out elders did before the invention on television. I suspect people didn't live as long as they do now. My grandma lived to 84 and I remember watching the Mary Tyler Moore show with her, but before that, I wonder. I live in a place with long winters so I can't imagine they'd be puttering around outside. Hmmm. Thank you TV for small blessings is all I can say.
My parents loved watching TV, one day they messed up the cable, and thought the broke their big screen......I had to run over. If your mobility is limited, I see no harm in TV. My dad even worked out and read the paper daily, but that still leaves another 10 to 12 hours to fill. Mom is sedentary, regardless of TV. Watching the news also gave dad something to talk about....the latest local government scandal, baseball, and international elections....I think this kept his mind active. He even enjoyed commercials! Things are bad when they have no interests!
Thank God for TV!!! My FIL also watches television from morning till bed time, and we would have to6beg him to go out, as he been there and done that, and states that he is content doing exactly that. So, OK! Enjoy your day, and let us know if you need anything, which he does, as he just loves to send my husband on errands nearly every single day! Mostly to pick up bags and bags of Chetos! Chetos, he must go through about 6 a week! Eeeuuueee! They are disgusting! When he initially moved in 12 years ago, he said go on with your own lives, don't worry about me, but now he gets extremely nervous if we leave him for more than 2 hours. For the first 4 or so years, we used to take up to one week vacations, but now we haven't had a vacation in 7 or so years. Respite is looking real good about now, and I am going to figure out a way to do so, and he will ve paying to stay in respite care, but doesn't know it yet. If I were to tell him, he would flip out, and be anxious and stressed every day. He still seems to think that he could stay here on his own, but as he is such a serious fall risk, with diabetic neuropathy, that can no longer happen. He will argue to the death with me about it though, and thats an argument he can not w8n,and I can not deal with! We'll see!
My Mother also watches TV ALL the time. She will be 92 in Nov. 2016. Question.....what did 92 year old people do years ago without TV? What would Nursing Homes and AL places do if TV disappeared?
Anybody who made it to 92 in the pre TV age was probably pretty spry, elders with serious health problems just didn't live that long. I used to joke with my mom that she should be glad she wasn't living in her grandmother's day... outhouses, having to keep the woodstove topped up for heat, coal oil lanterns and open horse drawn buggies in all seasons, and no handicapped accessible elevator if you wanted to go to church, there must have been at least 20 stairs to get in. No microwave meals, you had to cook every meal and if there were leftovers they went in the icebox, no deep freezing for later! I'm sure they were grateful if they had time to put their feet up on the propped open oven door and listen to the radio shows, read the paper if they could afford it or check out the catalogues. And of course the ladies were busy knitting or doing other handiwork.
I am 78 years old (note I say OLD). Last year I went to the fitness center at least once a week for water exercise class and/or working on a recumbent trainer. In the few weeks I did not go I felt draggy and had to take a nap in the afternoon. The weeks I did go I did not nap but managed to keep up with laundry and household chores. I've let the membership lapse but manage to get to a workshop (2-3 hours) or talk or chair exercise class (about 1 hour) at least once a week. I also do my own grocery shopping (at least an hour a week, hanging on to the cart) instead of having stuff delivered. Usually I do not nap, do keep up with household chores and even play with my cat. SUMMARY? getting out of the house often, with a specific event as the goal, helps me retain a hands-on-interest in the world around me. It also means I seldom have to wear my compression stockings or Depends-type underwear.
Good for you Catseye you are certainly young at heart and doing you best to keep your body in shape.. A lot of people on this forum are your age and older so you are in good company. Most of them are also taking care of a loved one single handed. They would also love to be able to get out of the house on a regular basis but alas it is seldom possible. In spite of living a healthy life many are also stricken with chronic illness of their own and getting to the store is a major expedition. Be thankful for your good fortune.
My precious Mother worked on puzzles and reading throughout the day, up until my atheist brothers hid her projects along with any religious pictures throughout the house, put in the attic, along with sister in law taking her medicines away. She lived a few months after my brothers and sister in law took over, this after they ended my Dad's life. No help from lawyers, no help from lawyers, no help from elderly protection. A perfect time for exposing gender bias, corruption among the legal system, etc. etc.
I totally get your concerns as I have had the same. I know people my parents age and older who are very active and know how to enjoy life. I fear that I am looking at my own mortality in them and have vowed to never give up living, exercising, and doing things. Let your parents be an example of what you never want to be, but let them have their way on this. No matter how frustrated you get by their lack of interest, they won't change no matter what you say.
My 89 year old mother in law watches tv all day too. She watches the news and the debates and definitely talks about the politics. Some of the things she says really surprise me; but after reading some of the previous posts I feel like she is pretty normal for her age. It sounds like tv is the primary companion for many older folks. The problem with her is that she has very little other social activity except when one of her sons or daughters in law take her for the weekend to stay with them. She has few friends. I suggested moving to an assisted living place where she would have activities and other people around and she replied with "I'll just watch tv there so I might as well do it here in my condo." Any suggestions for encouraging her to move to a place where she will have more activities? Thank you!
Penny, your Mom is right regarding Assisted Living. I thought my Dad would join in the social hour or the evening movies at his Independent Living, but no, he prefers to sit in his recliner and watch the local all day news station while reading the local newspapers. Then I think, he's 94, he should be able to do what he wants :)
One thing I know, I will never live to be the age of my parents [mid to late 90's] as helping them has aged me far beyond my age due to all the stress... I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.
Good topic - I can relate helpfulone. My 86 yr old mother worked in a restaurant until age 75 so now tells me she's earned the rest. I try to involve her in activities offered at her Independent Living facility but she's content watching old movies in her apt. A few times when she's feeling up to it and the activity suits her, she'll go down with me. Having to be near a bathroom due to her meds will make her anxious not to wander too far from her apt. Overall I have to remember it's her life & as much as I know more activity is better for her, being safe and content is best. Choose your battles I guess. I have a small plaque in her apt that says "Cherish the everyday moments" as a reminder that one day she'll be gone so make the best out of how she is now.
I agree with you freqflyer, all they want to do is watch TV Mom now in AL does not do to much or enjoy herself except watching the news! We would have let her watch TV at our house but she started to wander. Police were here and said that we had to do something because we would be responsible if she jumped out in front of a car. She was also getting violent. So Dad would now be rolling over in his grave if he know she was spending $6000 a month to watch TV. But that is all he did in the last 4 years of his life. Died Nov. 2, 2016. He did not even want to go to Florida for his only grand-daughters wedding but we and she make him. Spent most of the time watching TV in hotel room instead of joining us by the pool and other social events. Would not even open his drapes to see the water view that we paid extra for him. We should have put him over the parking lot because it would have been a lot cheaper. Mom would not leave the hotel room without him. Oh wait he did roller stake until he was 87 years old once a week until he broke his pelvis in three places when he fell. Roller staked from age 14 to 87. Not really that bad if I think about it. After that just TV.
I agree with stacey - Thank God for the TV! if they are happy and not calling you all the time that is great. Also not every old person wants to mix and have activities with other perhaps boring old people. Certainly not my husband!
My mother has a TV in 3 rooms of her very small apartment, they are all on, all day, every day. I find it frustrating as she won't even turn down the volume when someone visits--so I just take the bull by the horns and turn off the TV when I come. She's not ever actually watching anything. I hate TV and could live quite contentedly without one at all--but hubby loves it and has it on if he is home--drives me nuts and actually has driven me out of our bedroom--but that's another story.
If your folks are happy with it, leave them be. As far as the sleeping, I will hit 60 this year and it was a rotten year, for me, health wise and there have been some days where I have slept 16 hours. Nobody cares and I can do it when I need to do it. I had no idea that getting older would be so darn painful! You could be a LOT worse off than having dozy, TV addicted parents!
I'm with you Midkid! Crummy knees and low back, Fibromyalgia, ya, my caregiving days are numbered! I like to watch TV in the evenings, after 7pm. Daytime TV drives me crazy! But I'm also a night owl, and leave the "marital bed" to watch TV, and my pup follows me until even she has had enough, and off she goes to sleep with Daddy, Lol! My husband hates that I'm not in there with him but, what am I going to do, twiddle my thumbs, while he snores away? The only problem with our elderly Loved ones watching TV all day, is the use it or lose it, in regards to loosing their strength! It become a huge issue with MY FIL! He has lost so much muscle mass in the past 2 years, and I have begged him to have PT for strength training, but he continues to get weaker anf weaker. He holds onto the wall or furniture to walk now, at age 85, living with us. Stuborn Old Man!
Perhaps the appeal of tv is that it's mind numbing, unless it's a documentary or intelligent program, such as the science, military, PBS, or Smithsonian channels. I suspect the reason why older people become addicted could be twofold: (a) it draws them in, redirects their attention from themselves, keeps them occupied and not thinking of their own mortality or age related issues, and (b) they're just not mobile and can't get out as easily as younger people can, even with assistance.
And I think what people did when younger could be an indication of behavior when older. My family are readers; we all read a lot and have hundreds of books. To me reading is not only stimulating, and educational, it can be a release because it has the power to transport people beyond their own world, in a way that tv doesn't.
A bad thing about TV is that it can be alienating. As I sad before, my mother watches Game Show Network and reruns of the Waltons and Little House. She has seen each episode 10-100 times, but still enjoys them. I, OTOH, cannot bear to watch them again. It's like Chinese water torture seeing the same shows over and over. So I go outside and back to my room. She doesn't mind that, since I think she prefers being alone, anyway.
"TV can be alienating"---it is THE primary "intimacy destroyer" if you have a TV in the bedroom. Sure has been for me. Hubby is addicted to anything and everything that's on---plus he's nearly deaf and won't get hearing aids so even though I sleep downstairs, with earplugs in I can STILL hear the dialogue on the shows he watches. He also falls asleep mid-show and then I can hear BOTH the TV and his snoring. I get up, turn off the lights and TV and a couple of hours later, it's on again.
Enough already--this is my problem-- and he made his choice--it got down to me in the bed or the TV and he chose..the TV. So, yep, that's really alienating.
As far as mother watching--yes, she watches repeats all day of shows she has seen 20-100 times. She does enjoy sports, weirdly enough and follows college football and basketball. Also, like I said, she doesn't even turn down the sound IF someone comes to visit, so I can see why we have such a hard time getting the other sibs to visit. My sis said "I go see her and have to watch "Murder, She wrote" from 25 years ago. Why waste my time?" Good point.
Though, again, if that's what makes them happy, why not? Dad was bedbound and went from someone who watched zero TV to someone who had it on 24/7. A lot of people are addicted to TV, or to their phones and the internet--hubby can't stay off Facebook and usually has the TV on and is on FB a lot. Such a waste of time and intellect! Not looking forward to retirement with this guy!!
From what I'm reading here there seems no good way to get seniors out of their shell - home - to participate in activities or exercise. Maybe it's because I have no family that I am more concerned about not giving up, not giving in to a strong inclination to sleep a lot, read a lot, avoid people I don't know, and whine about all the things I don't like. But this strong inclination and the whining make me boring to others, definitely someone no one wants to be around. Hmmm
Could it be that seniors' inactivity, withdrawing into a shell, is like an addiction? Is there a 12-step program for overcoming the inertia of old age?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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But seriously, this is much like my 80s parents, but the 16 hours sleeping seems a little much. Checked the meds lately?
What would people rather have a set of 80+ parents who are content to do nothing all day or ones that ring that little bell you so thoughtfully provided to summon you all the time.
Me I pop my head out of my shell when I really want to interact. I make a lot of plans and even assemble the pieces for projects but rarely get beyond that these days.
My parents were always on the go, non-stop, but age has a way of catching up with you.... along with failing eyesight, and poor hearing.... and aching bones.
My parents would brag that they only needed 6 hours of sleep at night.... but they failed to add into that amount the time they napped after breakfast.... the time they napped after lunch, and again before dinner.... then that nap during the evening news, etc. I bet it added up to 10-12 hours. I knew because every time I dropped by their house, I found them zoned out in the living room :)
I will be 70 this year, and guess what? I find myself dozing after lunch and I miss half of the Dr. Phil shows at 4pm because I fall asleep... and don't get me started about the evening news. I even dozed off turning a Republican Debate !!! It will happen to you, too :P
I wonder what out elders did before the invention on television. I suspect people didn't live as long as they do now. My grandma lived to 84 and I remember watching the Mary Tyler Moore show with her, but before that, I wonder. I live in a place with long winters so I can't imagine they'd be puttering around outside. Hmmm. Thank you TV for small blessings is all I can say.
I'm sure they were grateful if they had time to put their feet up on the propped open oven door and listen to the radio shows, read the paper if they could afford it or check out the catalogues. And of course the ladies were busy knitting or doing other handiwork.
A lot of people on this forum are your age and older so you are in good company. Most of them are also taking care of a loved one single handed. They would also love to be able to get out of the house on a regular basis but alas it is seldom possible. In spite of living a healthy life many are also stricken with chronic illness of their own and getting to the store is a major expedition.
Be thankful for your good fortune.
One thing I know, I will never live to be the age of my parents [mid to late 90's] as helping them has aged me far beyond my age due to all the stress... I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.
with other perhaps boring old people. Certainly not my husband!
If your folks are happy with it, leave them be. As far as the sleeping, I will hit 60 this year and it was a rotten year, for me, health wise and there have been some days where I have slept 16 hours. Nobody cares and I can do it when I need to do it. I had no idea that getting older would be so darn painful! You could be a LOT worse off than having dozy, TV addicted parents!
And I think what people did when younger could be an indication of behavior when older. My family are readers; we all read a lot and have hundreds of books. To me reading is not only stimulating, and educational, it can be a release because it has the power to transport people beyond their own world, in a way that tv doesn't.
Enough already--this is my problem-- and he made his choice--it got down to me in the bed or the TV and he chose..the TV. So, yep, that's really alienating.
As far as mother watching--yes, she watches repeats all day of shows she has seen 20-100 times. She does enjoy sports, weirdly enough and follows college football and basketball. Also, like I said, she doesn't even turn down the sound IF someone comes to visit, so I can see why we have such a hard time getting the other sibs to visit. My sis said "I go see her and have to watch "Murder, She wrote" from 25 years ago. Why waste my time?" Good point.
Though, again, if that's what makes them happy, why not? Dad was bedbound and went from someone who watched zero TV to someone who had it on 24/7.
A lot of people are addicted to TV, or to their phones and the internet--hubby can't stay off Facebook and usually has the TV on and is on FB a lot. Such a waste of time and intellect! Not looking forward to retirement with this guy!!
Could it be that seniors' inactivity, withdrawing into a shell, is like an addiction? Is there a 12-step program for overcoming the inertia of old age?