My parents are so overwhelmed they don't know what to do. It's almost as if they are in denial that they need to take action.
My sister and I love them dearly; however, we can't continue to come to the rescue each time they need money - which is becoming more often and more money is needed. It is only putting a bandaid on the problem - and isn't leading to a sustainable, healthy financial outcome for them long term. In addition, it is financially draining for both my sister and me...we do without at times for them, which causes a strain on our own families and children.
I have told my parents they need a plan and they have to act on it - and that they have our support to help develop what that is. I have sat down with them on several occasions to develop a budget - listing 'income' (they live off of social security only) and expenses, to show them in black and white the situation. From there, I have provided them information on how to apply for food stamps, suggested financial counseling, talking to their minister, talking to a realtor regarding selling their home so they could live off the equity they have built. But they do nothing - they haven't used the budget, and don't have a plan of action. We can only do so much...they have to take responsibility for implementing the plan.
My parents are college educated, have morals and are great parents - but their lack of responsibility with regard to their financial situation does not make sense to me. I struggle to understand this...and it is causing me stress to the point of affecting my health - which I take responsibility for making sure I change that.
I have a call today with my company's EAP to see if they have any suggestions or resources - would welcome any suggestions from this community, as well. Thank you!
What state is this oceanfront albatross located?
How underwater is it?
What % of the other units are occupied? for sale? or defaulted on?
And you even know some great steps to take to do this without abandoning them to disaster -- establish a budget, seek aid like food stamps, consider selling the house, etc.
What you don't know is what to do when your parents won't take these sensible steps. Yes, stop bailing them out, but how to do that without alienating them and without seeing them in disasterous circumstances?
I think Jane is on to something with her suggestion of TAKING them to apply for food stamps. See if you can get a social services caseworker assigned to them. Set up and take them to a financial counselling appointment.Don't rely on them to follow through on your sensible suggestions.
You've set up a budget for them. Is it do-able to live within their means? What do they spend their money on that sabotages them?
Good luck ... and stop sending money.
Another thing to look for is sometimes they get their dollar bills confused. A $20 bill looks just like a $1 bill to some patients! The low-life's know this and will take advantage of it.
Other times, the patients will hide the cash and forget where they put it. Sometimes even end up in the trash!
Finally, tough as this is to stick to, maybe you and sister need to decline to send more money. If they keep hearing you say, "No more. This is the last time. You need a budge and you need to stick to it," and then they get another check, what incentive do they have to change? Remember how you had to treat your kids when they were more likely to make the impulse decision than to think through the consequences? This is how they are now. Good luck!