Can people with dementia have what they call "show-timer's?"

my husband is taking money out of my purse. when i ask him if he has seen the money he know nothing about it. is this usual?

I can sure relate to everything everyone else has said. I've felt like my mom has a split personality (Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde) and couldn't figure out what I was doing to make her so upset and angry with me so much and so "normal" and sweet with my brother. I have a wonderful supportive brother who has not ever openly questioned things I tell him, but it's gotten to the point where I'm not sure he really believes me. Mom is so happy and sweet when he comes to visit. Sometimes makes me feel she truly does hate me but now I see that this is normal hopefully that will help me cope and to understand.

Thank you for pointing out that this behavior requires substantial effort on the part of the person with memory loss. When a person with memory loss goes to a party or other gathering, they will only be able to maintain the normal facade for a limited time. Thus I suggest that someone familiar with this person's behavior should be close by, so they can intervene when the person can no longer act normal. Then the person can be lead to a quiet space or taken away from a crowd after they can longer maintain their former behaviors.
I call this behavior "rising to the occasion." it can be irksome or one can acknowledge that it is part of the disease progression.

I have a 96 year-old client who never needed to clean or cook in her entire life. Her son now has her apartment cleaned throughly every two weeks. When I tell her that her apartment looks so clean, she beams and then tell me that she cleaned it herself because no one else would do it for her. Then she went on to tell me that she had cleaned her patio door (but she never goes out on to her balcony).
It is hard to keep a straight face when she talks about her cleaning activities. Her son finds these stories hard to believe because he knows that she never did any house related work ever. However she loves the compliments about how hard she works when she cleans.

I was so glad to read these stories. My husband is very intelligent, and while he is not mean, he can pull himself together so completely in front of other people sometimes that I wonder if I am imagining the things that happen at home. Then he asks me, "Exactly what is a screen door?", and I know it's not me. I notice much of the time when he is in a group of people, he is much quieter than he was before the Dementia, and he pretends to just agree when he doesn't understand what is going on. My mother, who is still very much alive at age 83, has Borderline Personality Disorder. She is a master of manipulation, so I think maybe my life with her has been training for dealing with my husband!

My dad was easily able to do that in the earlier stages. He was cognizant enough that he was able to 'focus' on what was being asked of him, and still was able to pull info from his brain to answer.

That pretty much stopped last year. Which was good & bad, obviously... given that the neuro-test he had done in 2012 during diagnosis of probable Alzheimer's indicated he had been in top 10% of IQ, but was already approaching 10% of processing ability. Pulling up info he could do, usually to just talk about something he saw on TV .... just not implement or otherwise use Executive Processing skills.

LOL! Mom has a crush on her doctor too! She wants to marry him.

Tsuba1.... I had to laugh when I saw your post about flirting with the doctor. My husband has seen my mom blow kisses to the doctor when he wasn't looking... It did take a long time before we convinced him that she was showtiming. Most of her friends weren't fooled, though, and they would call me and report weird behavior... she was even doing the showtiming for me!

wow, all these stories sound familiar. my mom would get all dressed up for the doctor and i swear she was flirting with him...she would say i'm fine, i've been healthy all my life...then she would call me a few hours later and say i haven't seen you, when are you coming over...this went on for years. I wish these doctors were more perceptive and could give solutions to this obvious epidemic. i'm surprised they can't pick up on it and be helpful...that's whats even scarier

OMG..I am so glad you asked that.I did not know it was a thing.I always say Mom is very convincing.For years,she had everyone fooled,except me and her sister. Even now she can appear normal to strangers.I had no trouble convincing Drs.,though.
The saddest thing is that she thinks she is fine.Perhaps it's a blessing she does not feel crazy.

My mother had everyone believing that I "threw her on the floor and stole her pain medication." Her friends at the senior apt. complex contacted the doctor's office for more pain meds and (as health care personnel have to) the nurse reported the "incident" to Adult Protective Services!! All this unknown to me. The Social Worker came twice to visit my mom for a statement but could immediately tell she had dementia. Funny, I was never contacted. When I did find out, I was shocked. I called APS and asked why I was never alerted. They said that they could tell she was not in her "right mind". Everyone at the apt. complex believed her however and I was met with dirty looks whenever I came in. She believed the story for many weeks until one day she "forgot" it and was mortified that I was saying she spoke that way.
I wound up moving her out of there into a memory care facility within 4 months. I'm her only child and no one else is available to assist her. She doesn't remember anything about this wild and untrue story. She was mean and nasty to me at that time but has since calmed down and, as she says, is just waiting to die.

Hi Wondergirl. Sorry you're going through this too. Yep...GM does this too. She will not tell anyone she is seeing a psychiatrist. Thank God we have had a psychiatrist on board for the last month. Without her, GM would not be living with us. Meds help however it does not change the mean, hatefulness & spitefulness she whips at me. Had her to a neurologist a month ago & he said hers is more psychiatric than Dementia. She plays like she does not know what she is doing to justify her behavior. I have a real actress on my hands who would have one an academy award. Yes she has issues, however there is clarity & she chooses to be mean, hateful & nasty to me. I have her in Elder Day 5 days a week now hoping that would take some wind out of her sails (she is 94). Not yet....she gets her 2nd wind & lookout! My hubby recently installed security cameras by front door & hallway to monitor the activity. Thank God for all those who share....I didn't know what showtiming was until I read it here first! lol....I explained to her doc what she does & he said he didn't want to hear about the power trips....however psychiatrist told her last week that her world is about to get worse if she does not be nice & kind. Yep...I have finally hit my limit. After 5 months of the princess act....I am done. I am only the granddaughter-in-law. I am not the door mat for this manipulative woman. I have taken care of her 3 years now. She has been living with us since November & it has been hell from day one. If the 5 days a week of Elder Care does not work...she is off to a facility. GM plays Scarlett & when she doesn't get her way...she is mean, hateful, self-harming & not to mention, she deliberately crapped on the floor as a thank you for finally calling a home aid to come in & shower her after 2 months of no shower...my thank you gift! lol No...IT WAS NO ACCIDENT!

My mother (92) also had her doctors fooled for a while, until my brother came to visit and went to an appointment with her. Mom denied anything was wrong, but when we explained that we were worried about her, because her meds were scattered over the kitchen, along with overdue bills, magazines, and junk mail. She blew up at us, and the doctor calmly asked if she used to do this years ago.... she ended up getting a referral to a neurologist ... and now she calls me up and says her doctor thinks she's a psychiatric patient (she won't use the term dementia) and he's crazy. Thank God for this site.

My mother makes us late on purpose so that she makes the grand entrance. I get the comments and glares as I should know better. Did I tell you that we start hours in advance and it doesn't matter, she will sabotage the appointment so I blast across town, pedal to the metal. Also, she will walk super slow but let it appear that a car will not stop for her and she is out of the road in a jiffy. Sick of being played like a fiddle.

Ok....so I'm not nuts...this is real! Omg...grandma acts like Scarlett O'hara.....to me....in front of docs, nurses etc...she has her game...only for a moment...Q & A she loses it every time. The lying, manipulating...the endlesssssssssssssss Wants! We have to emotionally disconnect....to stay sane & to care compassionately.

I love that there is a term for my mom, she is a "Showtimer". My mom has always wanted to be an actress and this is really the role of a lifetime she has played for the last 6 years. She's a cute little 89 year old lady to everyone else but me. I know she is an 89 year old that is really playing a charming 10 year old. I try to get in on the act and play the matriarchal role when needed but it doesn't fit in her old mind, she still sees me in the smaller, weaker childlike role I've always been in. I fell prey to her and her disease this time while she visited for Christmas like she has done for the last decade. She has progressed in this insidious disease though and I don't understand all the danger signals. I have no rights to her, she is a free agent, I never disputed this. But she doesn't know what she needs. She thinks she is "fine". She has been alone for 3 decades with no one to answer to, she has had to answer to me infrequently because I am her only child and I live over 2,000 miles away (I am her only scapegoat). So the day after Christmas she decided that since Christmas was over, she was going home. And when I told her she had a plane flight back home Jan. 3, that was not good enough. She hightailed it out the front door at 10 a.m. in the morning and made her way into a neighbor's home saying we had a falling out, we were holding her captive, we were leaving her all alone and we weren't feeding her, so please help her!-(I found this all out later) The neighbor's house she went to, the husband is a corrections officer for our city jail. Oh! he was valiant! When I went to tell him that she had Dementia, it didn't matter to him. She seemed "fine" to him. So he threw me down on his porch and held me down when I insisted I see and talk to her in his presence (I had no idea what she story she could be telling them at that point. I could get in trouble! I just wanted to make sure he understood that whatever she was saying was not true -- she just wanted to go home!). When the sheriff's officer came I told them she had Dementia. She answered him with her name, telephone and address. She seemed "fine" to him. It was me who wasn't "fine" my mom had said. She said that I "must be going through menopause or something!" I went through menopause 4 years ago, she doesn't remember even though we are very close and talked extensively about it at the time. She doesn't remember a lot, neither short term nor long term. Because I was still there when the sheriff's officers arrived, they asked me why, since the owner of the house asked me to leave? I wanted to talk to my mom in their presence I told them. They wouldn't let me. I had contacted my cousin to pick up my mom, it was a 3 hour drive for her. I told the officers that I just wanted to say goodbye to my mom. They wouldn't let me. They told me to go home. I told them I was assaulted by the owner of the house. They documented nothing. I went home. A day later I went to the Dr. with a 5 cm bruise on my back shoulder blade where the owner (corrections officer) threw me down (a side note: I am a 5'7" 140 lb. female. He is 230 lbs.) When I got home from the Dr. I had 2 officers at my door serving me with a "trespassing" arrest. I was not taken in but was left to my own recognizance until the hearing. It was 2 months of proving my case while worrying about my mom (she had ended up in the hospital from a fall where she hit her head a few days after getting home) and worrying about myself. I had ptsd but I am ok, THANK GOD. I write this for a warning to you all. And to tell you to continue to care and love them. And, oh yeah, try not to take it all personally...

My family didn't believe me that mom had dementia/alzheimer's. My sister accused me of wanting to throw her in a home so I would not have to spend so much time with her and deal with her. I took her on a trip to visit and we all know what any break in routine does to people with alzheimer's. It took that for the family to realize. She tried to kick my brother out of his own house, didn't recognize my sister at all and tried to strip in front of my sister in law to show her a rash because she thought she was a Dr. Not funny I know but it did make me chuckle with an "I TOLD you so"

I hear you allan. I call it Attentionitis.

SOME-TIMERS
There is nothing funny about Dementia or Alzheimer's but as Care Providers we all need a little levity, my mothers doctor's nurse had me on the floor when she said my mom has what doctors call "some-timers", that's when they are putting on a really good show for doctors, nurses and other outsiders and making the caregiver look like a lying fool. She only has Alzheimer's sometimes.... That helped me release a lot of frustration I guess because it came from a medical professional and I was all stressed out...

Wow, I remember when I first accepted this challenge to care for my mother, everyone thought I was crazy, exaggerating, lying, making up stuff etc. My mother would act like the world was coming to an end and as soon as someone else is around, abracadabra, shes a whole new person which often made me look bad or foolish in some way. It was so bad I started videotaping and capturing audio recordings for the doctors, family and friends who continued to doubt. That was 2 1/2 years ago and she is now on Donepezil and Namenda.

Mom was does really well with showtime until she is asked a question that requires some thinking. Then she will ramble off in another direction and avoid any kind of answer. She knows her birthdate and SS#, but ask her how to bake a cake and she will tell you her whole life story.

It is very nice to read stories here. My Mom is93 with demetia. My Mom would tell her stories (Sister lives about 4 states away) and my sister would believe them. Tell me and others my Mom was ok and had no problems. My Mom would tell people things about both of us that weren't true though. Now she's in a nursing home and they see me enough that they know the truth.

@Marigold and others,Keep up the good work. Now since many phones have video recorders or cameras have some kind of video, record your Mother when she is having her tantrums of nastiness. Then share it with your other family.
Now as for the Doctor, if you are her caregiver, you just call the Doctor's office ahead of her appointment and tell them that you wish to be in the Dr. meeting. Your reason want to make sure she is following the Dr's orders, as well as, share health information she may not be giving the Doctor. And if they forget you wanted to be in on the appointment, do go ahead and go into the room with her. In fact you might be surprised to find the Doctor appreciates the extra information. And your Mother might be, less aggressive since you are in front of the Doctor. I did this with my Mom, and it worked to both of our benefits. I found the Doctor really was not up to date on my Mother's Alzh, nor did he really want to have this type of Patient since he was GP Doctor. And I found another Doctor that was more in tune with her mental and physical health needs.

My mom did the showtimers thing too. Had the doctor snowed and my sister as well.

Absolutely, they can make you feel like and idiot, because you are complaining about an issue and they seem absolutely fine! It can be embarrassing. You just hope and pray the doctors know what is going on REALLY!

THANK YOU ALL! It’s extremely comforting to me to read the posts here. This one on "show timers" is especially helpful. My mom just turned 87 and dad is about to turn 91. Everyone they meet thinks they’re the cutest couple EVER and say things to me like "OMG, you're so lucky to have your mom and dad!" They are both still physically attractive for their age group, are very neat and clean about themselves, wear stylish, good quality clothes and shoes, laugh a lot in public and throw money around they don’t have. They both flirt outrageously with members of the opposite sex who are young enough to be their grandchildren. Dad will go to a doctor every now and then but doesn’t tell them the truth. He goes in and hams it up with all the receptionists - taking them expensive boxes of See's candy and telling them risque jokes. Mom won’t see a doctor unless she happens to land in the ER. When she gets within 10 feet of a fireman or a paramedic she perks right up – uses highly sexual language, telling them she’s thinking about becoming a cougar, etc. It’s mortifying! I can't tell mom and dad’s adoring fans the vile, hateful, asinine things they say to each other and to me when we're alone, the filthy looks I get if I dare not stay in my role as obedient, servile daughter, etc. Mom has zero short term memory and has begun accusing me of buying "MORE" handbags; they’re the same ones she's been looking at for months (plus I work full-time and make good money; it’s none of her business if I DID buy more). Last week she accused me of stealing a worthless cup and saucer from her. If looks could kill, I'd be fully decomposed already. AND I get to live next door to them - thank God for small favors and it’s not WITH them. But I'm so very, very tired of them behaving worse than Jerry Springer’s guests in private, treating me like a dim-witted 6 year old and then having others tell me how "cute" they are and how "sweet" it is that they've been married for 62 years. "Sweet" isn't the word they'd use if they saw this sick, abusive relationship up close and personal! Through another post here today I discovered NAMI and their meetings, Teepa Snow, etc. Again, I'm very grateful to all of you for the support - maybe one day I can start to see a bit of humor in all this; but it’s really just dawned on me in the last week to 10 days how bad things are – and that they will only get worse, not better. And that I have to be the one who does all the changing and adjusting. I want to run away SO BADLY!

They absolutely can and do! My mother drives me crazy, she does not want anyone to think or know something is wrong with her and she can come across like the most normal person in the world! She carries on light and somewhat funny conversations with doctors she likes and can be rude to the ones she does not like but she looks and sounds normal and sometimes gives the correct answers. If a doctor stays in the room long enough and asks the right questions however, they will eventually see that there is indeed a problem. She may repeat the same question 2 or 3 times or if they ask her certain questions she is unable to answer. She does everything within her power to be "NORMAL," and it use to make me upset because it felt like I looked like the person with a mental problem rather than her. A good doctor who stays in the room longer than 4 minutes will spot a person who is "show timing."

That is why we come to this site, so we know we are not crazy. My Mother's showtimers is starting to fall apart. She cannot keep it together for hardly any length of time now - so it does change. Sad part is her former friends and family members no longer seek out her company because of personality changes so I am just stuck. I tune about 80 percent of it out.

i WAS VERY RELIEVED TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE GOING THRU THE SAME THING! YOU MAY OR MAY NOT REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE NEVER HEARD OF SHOWTIMERS OR SUNDOWNERS. PEOPLE LOOK AND TREAT ME LIKE i:M THE CRAZY ONE, ITS SO FRUSTRATING!

Oh yes! My mother in law can "pull her big girl panties up" and pass any test the doctor gives her. Even after I give him a three page letter outlining every bizarre thing she has done and even though she repeatedly shows up on the wrong day for her appointments after she passes his 'test' he will tell me that she is just fine. I want to slap the daylights out of him. She also fools out of town family members.