My step grandmother moved in a about two months ago. I never really saw her as my grandmother but she has dementia and had a bad fall: my mom took because she had no where else and she couldn’t be alone anymore. However we know she has dementia but we have question how much and if she could be faking some of what she saids. Nothing is consistent, she does something different each time. We have to tell her to go use the restroom ( rare if she goes at her own will) I’ve had to go with her lately because she has been not flushing and adding toilet paper to her pad. ( I work at home) and sometimes she will just stand there and when I walk to see why she isn’t using she’ll tell me well I was waiting for you to tell what to do now. ( I’m never demanding of her either but we have had accidents because she won’t go in her own). Another example I’ll ask her to turn off lights for when she is about to walk out and she will act like she doesn’t know where the light switch is. But if I ask her the same thing next time we go she knows where the light is and no issues. Something that really had me tonight was she said “I thought the person was coming by” I asked her who and said “ you know that lady from the other day”. We are having Someone come in to watch her two days a week while I’m gone because we decided she’s can’t be alone for a few hours and she meet the person yesterday for not even five minutes. Could she be as bad as we think and remember this person she just met?? We think she may be faking, if she is, to be able to go live with her son but he doesn’t want her to live with him or to go to a facility but unfortunately she can’t afford.
In the beginnings, dementia symptoms may fluctuate. You say that your step-grandmother has dementia, How do you know? Who diagnosed her?
So, it's quite normal for grandma to have remembered a CG who came by for a few minutes the other day, but forget where the light switch is. Dementia causes fragmented thinking; bits & pieces of thoughts all run together in a confusing medley of gibberish in their mind.
Give grandma the benefit of the doubt here, that is my advice. If her son doesn't want his mother living with him ANYWAY, and she cannot afford a facility, then it's a moot point anyway, right? Look into getting her on Medicaid for placement in a Skilled Nursing Facility if it doesn't wind up working out at your home.
Good luck
And she is the mother of someone who married your parent and has since divorced him or her. Where is this family, this next-of-kin?
It seems like she has no money, plus her behaviors are declining. Sounds like you are already questioning whether you can handle it already, when the guarantee is that it'll get worse, much worse. As the mom of a parent to whom she got divorced, you don't really owe her like your own mom.
This may help:
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
There's a detailed list of losses you can download at the bottom of this page:
https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/