It was always impossible to suggest to my Mom that she do anything differently than the way she was doing it, even if her way was longer, harder. etc... Now that she has dementia she can be impossible to deal with. She is aware she forgets things. But if she does things that just aren't okay and you try to have a conversation she just thinks she is being lied to. If this was all "the disease" I could feel a lot more compassion. But I have been on the receiving end of this nastiness my whole life. Her illness has turned my life upside down. Fortunately for now she can pay for round the clock care except for a few hours when the night person leaves ( at 6:15) and a few hours before they come back at night. We live in a 4 family house, different apartments. So I am up at 4:30 every morning so I can have a little peaceful wakeup time before I go down to hear whatever crazy went on the night before. I really feel bad for what she's going through (or I would not have taken on the responsibility of being totally on my own as far as being the only person in charge of my Mom. But the nasty just takes a really hard situation and makes it so much worse. I could just use a few words of encouragement. There are no family or friends for that. My only support is from the people who get paid.
"You know that 80-year-old man who's such an *******? The one you excuse for his behavior because he's old? Well, he was most likely an ******* at 30."
I think, for the most part, dad was right.
Please do not think as this progresses you can do it all by yourself. This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. There is no shame in bringing outside help or sending her to the pro's. Ask the doc for an antianxiety drug. Celexa has performed miracles for us.
The new ‘fresh hell’ from her is she never wants to see my dad or I again because we put her in ‘that place’. So we’re praying we can get her a room in a very very nice assisted living home, hoping she’ll be happier.
She’s physically attacked my dad and is abusive verbally to my dad 24/7.
She’s going to put my dad in his grave if they aren’t separated.
So in my family’s case, once hateful, always hateful.
It’s very sad. She’s had everything she’s wanted in life but never been happy. At 17 years old I moved out of my parents house and it took me years to come to terms with this. But I have a happy marriage of many years and a great daughter. I vowed to stop the abuse cycle when I had my daughter.
I hope my mom can find some happiness at the end of her life but also, I’ll continue protecting myself and family from her cruelty.
For as long as I can remember, Mom has been negative, self-absorbed, controlling, and manipulative, with no empathy for others. She loves to say cruel things and watch her victims flinch with pain. She knows 101 ways to pit one family member against the other. She's no stranger to physical and emotional abuse. Sadly, dementia has only made it worse.
She's 93 and going strong. She's sweet and charming to people outside the family, but she treats us like c - - p. Amazing how, despite mid-stage dementia, her ability to discriminate is intact.
I've minimized contact and come here for emotional support. Only those who have walked through fire understand what it's really like.
That's exactly it. It is amazing how Alzheimer's leaves that aspect of their psyche in tact even during the last years of their life. Agree 100%
I have to work really hard not to get mad at him and remember it's the dementia.
We are most likely still seeing parts of the person they've always been, but with the partial loss of higher control that comes from neural feedback.
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