I am retired and my parent wants me to care for her by moving into her home as she needs round the clock care. I don't want payment. If no money is exchanged, am I simply my parent's roommate paying half share for utilities and food costs along with performing household cleaning services?
Do not do this.
I don't know if your sister is greedy or just ignorant, but paying to provide live-in care for your parent is crazy, crazy, crazy.
You don't want to be landlord. You will be. You expect to simply be a companion. Ha! You will uproot your life so that your mother doesn't have to uproot hers. And hers is more important than yours because .... ??
Love your mother. Help your mother do what is in HER best interest as well as good for you.
I do believe that family members can live together peacefully and productively. But this arrangement is already causing conflict with your sister and you are still in the planning stage. This does not bode well for long term.
I don't live with my mom but just dealing with her (she'll be 97 in Dec) is sometimes almost enough to drive me round the bend. And I don't have a nasty sister second-guessing my every move. I agree with finding other options for your mom. Don't give up your life in service to hers - your life is just as important as hers is and your sister's and your brother's. Put yourself first and figure out how to help mom without upending your whole life.
You don't need an employment contract if your parent is not paying you any wages for helping them via a caregiver. But when and if she does, do draw up a contract, it will come in handy in case your parent needs to apply for Medicaid.
We have to remember that our parent will still think of us being 30 years old being faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive.... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. When in fact we are senior citizens ourselves with our own age decline issues.
For my aging parents who lived under their own roof, and me living under my own, yet I did all the errand running, doctor appointments, shopping, etc. then eventually took over as financial POA which was like having a part-time job in itself trying to sort though a ton of paper, pay bills, keep track of the stock market, etc. Eventually I crashed and burned from the stress and here I was in my 60's. I am now 70 and still trying to recover from the unbelievable stress that was placed on me. Make sure you know fully what you are getting into. And have everything put into writing and notarized.
IMO, if you take care of your mother and let your siblings off the hook, you SHOULD receive financial compensation for that, to whatever extent your family members can afford it. You will be working an exhausting and consuming job and saving the rest of the family a whole lot of time, energy, effort, and money that would otherwise be expended on paid helpers. It's not financial GAIN, it's COMPENSATION. For your sacrifice, hard work, and acceptance of a huge responsibility that allows other people go on and live their lives. It's WORK, and don't let anyone tell you it isn't.
Your sister is already being an idiot. There's no guarantee (or even glimmer of hope) that she will become more reasonable in the future. And, she has power of attorney. Under those circumstances, I agree with those who say "DON"T DO IT!!!"
It sounds to me as though you will be performing the duties of a full time live-in CNA, why would you be expected to do all that and still help pay expenses?
Do you have any thoughts on what might cause you to reach a "line in the sand" when can no longer provide care? Even if you are determined to care for your parent until the end there may come a time you physically can't do it any more. Have you both discussed an exit plan?
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