My grandmother remarried after my grandfather passed over 20 years ago. The man she remarried is experiencing early stages of Alzheimer's and at 84 years old, she is his only caregiver. Within the last few years she has been showing signs of dementia and has fainted and hurt herself at least two times. Neither of them are able to bathe themselves, clean the home, or remember important appointments or to take their medication. Recently, my parents, aunts and uncles and step family have started meeting once a month to schedule out daily visits for the coming month. They rotate each day and bring them food, take them to appointments as necessary, and make sure they have taken their medication. However, there are many hours each day that they are left alone. I do not believe that this is a long term solution, and it is causing stress on the family rather than addressing the circumstances head on. There are also family differences and opinions that are negatively impacting solutions that require financial support. I am 27 and live out of state, so I am unable to be around for any discussions regarding their care. I am concerned about my grandmother. She is my only living biological grandparent and the stress of being a care taker has become too much for her. I am also concerned about my parents. They are both aging and I fear the added stress of family dissension could lead to future health problems. Is there anything you could recommend that I do to help? I am currently looking for articles that have advice for blended families and choosing care for elderly parents, as well as looking for local services that could help mediate these conversations. Any suggestions are appreciated. - Thank you for your time.
Sometimes ones elders would do better if they can be placed in let's say Independent Living, where there is a monthly rent, weekly linen service, weekly housekeeping, and meals in a main dining room. Much less stress on Grandmother trying to keep up her house and help with her husband. Plus being around people of their own generation, thus make new friends. Some Independent Living facilities [these are nice size apartments] offer options for higher skill care. It just depends if your Grandparents can budget that amount as on average the cost is $5k or $6k for two people per month.
If the above can work cost wise, but the grandparents dig in their heels and refuse to move, then hire caregivers [with the Grandparents paying] to come by for at least one shift to help out [if Grandmother would allow another woman in the house, I had that issue with my own Mom].
If heck will freeze over before the Grandparents would allow outsiders to come in to help, then your parents/aunts/uncles will need to cut back on what they do. Otherwise they are enabling their parents to remain in that house. The Grandparents think why move, the family is doing everything for them. They get to keep their lifestyle while other change theirs to help out, then crash and burn from all the work.
Lot to think about here. Hope everyone is able to come up with a win-win solution.
I agree with Barb on getting an assessment. This can be done by a variety of services. Perhaps you can identify a geriatric nurse manager in your grandparent's locale for your folks to call in. Different group offer different services. So in your research ask what it offers. I had one in for my Mom (back when). They assess the situation, and can make recommendations. Overall, it may help your family who (may be) too close to your grandparents to see the realities of the situation. That can be one benefit. They should be able to offer ideas on needed services. Let your folks know there are a great number of services available, e.g, I had an automatic medicine dispenser for my Mom for her early stages of dementia. It worked quite well, you can read about it online.
Understand too, that help comes in many ways. Hence, a reliable cleaning woman, may also be happy to prepare a light meal on the day she/he visits. Some houses of worship offer visits or rides to routine medical appointments. My county just began a senior 'check-in' daily call service.
Does any of this sound like it may be helpful? You can do a lot from afar by supporting your parents with information and constructive ideas.
" needs assessment " from the local Area Agency on Aging. They will advise what the needs are and what resources are available.