Hello - my dad has dementia. Mid to late stage. My husband has durable financial POA. I am listed as secondary. Mom is not listed anywhere as able to make decisions for him. Mom is in AL and somehow thinks she’s independent. She hasn’t been independent in years with crisis after crisis. Anyway, sister is medical POA. My Husband has financial POA for mom too but it’s not durable. It ends when she’s incapacitated or her life ends.
I think this means mom can change her mind and give the honor (ha, ha) of paying her bills to somebody else if she wants to. Like my sister. Dad can’t though. It’s too late - he can’t change his mind unless she were to get guardianship.
Because their finances are combined, mom can’t easily change it to my sister because my husband is dad’s fiduciary and it would not be in dad's best interest, right?
can you separate a married couple's finances so we can be sure dad has enough to stay in memory care even if mom spends through the rest? If mom ends up on Medicaid, I’d like to protect dad (who earned every single one of those dollars).
anybody experienced with this?
Do not get legal advice from this forum (or any forum). You can get info on what others have done, however you cannot base your decisions on that.
Find legal help in your area, specializing in elder care.
none of the decisions that were made make a lot of sense, but they are the decisions and we’re trying to live with them.
You don't say what's going on with Mom specifically. Is she spending money in crazy amounts? If so, it sounds like she's not competent to handled her affairs. Have you had her tested for cognitive abilities? If she's still somewhat competent, have you ever talked to her about how much easier it would be if your husband just took over all the finances because then he could know what the bank balances were, deal directly with the bank, etc. etc. (whatever you have to say to let her know how much easier it would be for HER).
By the way -- is SHE writing a check each month for her AL and any medical bills? If so, how's that going, and if not, it sounds like your husband is already kind of handling that for her.
You should indeed talk to a trust and estate attorney about this, but I think your husband should be able to kind of just slide into handing her finances without much trouble. I never had anyone actually ask me for proof that my mother wasn't competent to handle her finances.