Hello all !
I have a few questions i been trying to get answers for a few weeks now,, I recently found my dad in a nursing home in Bronx NY, his brother has POA my father is deaf
and he stated that he didn’t know what he was signing, he thought he was signing a paper to leave the nursing home since he's been stuck there for over 12 years . My father was found in a very poor condition he was sticky and dirty i opened the closet and all he had was like 4-5 shirts and about 3 pants . I argued with his brother for weeks so he can let me take my dad from the nursing home so i can take care of my dad my self and finally he did last week. Now i want to know how this POA works because the nursing is stating my dad is incompetent and I’ve seen a few things that makes me think he is but at the same time he’s been in a nursing for over a decade no one to really talk to , he doesn’t know how to read etc is there a way i change all of that since he’s gonna be living with me now ?
to have access to his money ! When i got there my father was stinky with broken clothes barely anything in his closet , horrible fungus his toenail's and super skinny. The finances lady told me that the POA has irregularities she also told me that i can request for him to be re evaluated to see if he's really incompetent but if it came back that he was the paper would start to be valid technically but to the people thats telling me i should of stood there and see how things work !! I was traveling from CT to NY every other day for 2 months and I couldn’t take my dad being there any longer in the conditions he was in. He's the youngest my dad is 56 the brother is the oldest so hes about 10-12 years older than my dad. I went to court and the court told me to go for his guardianship that after i have guardianship the POA is no longer valid.
Just in general it is never a good idea to have a PoA who is the same age or older than yourself (and I realize your Dad probably didn't have any other options at the time). Your Dad is very young, so doesn't even qualify for Medicare yet. Is he on SSDI?
Do you have a good relationship with your uncle? Because he'll be holding the reins to your Dad's SS and any other money if your Dad is not competent enough to assign a new PoA (you).
I agree with BarbBrooklyn who says you should spend several days in the facility with him to get a feel for his mental abilities and daily needs. AND... what it feels like to try to work with someone who is deaf (you mean fully deaf? Or hard of hearing?)
FYI when it became obvious that my Mom was losing her hearing rapidly, we had many an argument over her getting hearing aids. I told her that I absolutely would not be her caregiver if I had to scream everything at her. She also balked at the price, but the difference in our interactions has made it worth every penny.
Is your Dad still continent? If he's not... you'll be in charge of changing and cleaning him if he isn't capable... or willing. What about hygiene? Many a senior resists showering/bathing for a variety of reasons.
Please go into this with your eyes wide open. Family caregivers are often not paid, and if your Dad has limited funds, he may not even be able to afford to pay you much. If your Uncle is handling his SS and banking then you'll be at his mercy for having your Dad's in-home care costs covered.
So your father signed a POA WHILE in the nursing home?
And you have not seen him for 12 years? (why?)
Who put him in the nursing home? He couldn't have done it himself, and his brother, if your dad had concerned and involved children (YOU!!) would not have had the power to do so. Does the brother have power over father's bank accounts?
To answer your question, IF YOUR FATHER IS COMPETENT and without dementia he can change his POA at any time. You would have an attorney come to see him in the Nursing home and that attorney would assess your father for competency. You would then be the POA.
You can also apply for guardianship with the attorney.
So there you are.
HOWEVER, I am very concerned and confused.
I have reread your post to us and this is how I interpret it; tell me if I am mistaken about sequence/facts.
1. You have not seen your father for 12 years? (Why?)
2. You now found your father unkempt and filthy in a NH with what you consider to be inadequate number of clothing.
3. You father says he never signed a POA KNOWINGLY and that brother had him sign it after he went into the nursing home; he thought he was signing himself out of the nursing home?
4. You have talked to the brother and convinced him you can take your father into your own home and give him care?
If your father is competent then what your uncle, his brother, did is elder abuse and he may be using his funds if he has any (or is dad without funds and on Medicaid).
I welcome you to the forum, but I would counsel you to see an elder law attorney about all this before doing anything at all.
If you haven't, STOP right there.
Spend a day or two getting familiar with his care needs. Are you going to quit your job to care for him 24/7? How will you support yourself?
As mentioned above, if his brother has POA, then he is in charge of dad's finances. Are you going to fund dad's rent yourself if your uncle refuses to pay?
This is a really bad idea. Please don't swoop in and ruin your life; take some time to investigate the situation and see if possible having you as an advocate and squeaky wheel will get your dad the care he needs.
It would have been a good idea to have gone to an eldercare lawyer before you took Dad home with you , because you have no access to Dads funds for his care , but the POA ( your uncle ) does .