My sister has POA for my mom who's in a memory care facility. She signed a paper stating no one can take her out even for lunch. Legal?

My first reaction when I read this is that this person who is holding your mom hostage is that she is filling her head with stories that no one has come around to see her and that she (the POA) is the only one who cares about her. Could it be that this person is jockeying for first position for monetary gain? I've seen this before, in my father's family years ago when the aunt with whom my grandparents lived turned other family members away at the door so that the estate would be all hers after she convinced her mother that she was the only person who deserved to profit for her loyalty. I'd like to be wrong, but money makes people weird.

Try talking privately with the memory care facility director and asking their perspective on the situation. They may or may not be able to give you too much information but at least they will know who you are. They may even be willing to meet with your sister and act as a mediator so that you can freely visit mom or take her out.

Do you have to take mom out? Why can't you just bring a nice lunch or carry out to the care facility, bring a tablecloth and some folding chairs and dine outside with mom on the grounds? It's a change of scenery and you can make it special.

If sister is a nut or is starting to lose it, then you can always go to an attorney and contest the guardianship or call APS or your moms physician to intervene and investigate the hostage situation as it were.

Wow Suzie, that's pretty odd...I have no clue why your sister is doing that. Maybe guilt because it sounds like she has taken advantage of your mom, based on what you're saying. But it's impossible to know without understanding the whole picture. So many of these situations play out and very old family dynamics come into play. Based on my limited knowledge, it sounds like there's not too much you can do if your sister has guardianship, other than to visit your mom in the facility. Hugs to you and your mom...

I had invited my sister to go to lunch with me and my Mom. My sister had a meltdown and said under no curcumstance could anyone take her anywhere. Previously, she told my Mom she could live with her when she got better, but her house was too small so she sold her house and moved into my Mom's house. Now my sister says my Mom can never come out. Ever!! For any reason, or with anyone including herself!!

I had to sign a form when my mother went into a memory care facility stating who could take her out. When friends came to visit her they wouldn't allow her to leave because their name was not on the "list". There was no way I could have forseen who was going to visit or not, I did feel bad about this when I was told she didn't go eat with them. Now the facility has instructions to call if this should ever happen again.

I wonder if it's not more of a situation where the memory care facility has to know who has the authority to take your mom out of the place. Like picking up a child from school. They can't just turn the child over to anyone who comes by, they need to know who is approved. Sounds like your sis is reacting to something - have there been situations where mom has been a problem when she's out or where people have taken advantage of her? Does she get anxious when she's in a different place? There could be a lot of reasons why your sister has taken this route.

Is there is a reason why she doesn't want you to take Mom out? Did something happen in the past that she feels she needs to protect your Mom, if so, maybe she can accompany you on these luncheons?

Evidently I was not too far off the mark. I just found an article in this site, under the POA & Guardian section of the Money & Legal tab. The title is: "What does a legal guardian do?" by Carolyn Rosenblatt. Please read it - it's an eye opener. Suzie, according to the article (and the situation you described), your sister is exercising her authority as a Guardian (not POA). There is another article by Mario Sollitto "What does having guardianship do?" Another brief article I saw there and can't seem to retrieve it, stated the different meanings of Medical POA , Financial POA, Guardian, and Conservator. In a nutshell, the POA designation is voluntarily appointed by a person who still is mentally competent. After a person is declared mentally incompetent, you would have to go to court to be appointed a Guardian (over the person) and/or a Conservator (over the finances). So it seems if your sister has POA, that is probably a Medical POA that your mother would have had to voluntarily assigned to her before she developed the Alzheimers/Dementia. If your sister also has the Guardianship designation, then the court would have had to appoint her after your mother was no longer competent to make her own decisions. If that is the case, it sounds like your sister is within her rights, no matter how unfair it seems. I hope you are successful in getting her to relax her rules a bit. I hope the articles I mentioned are helpful to you in sorting it out. There are several others as well. Reading them really educated me on this topic!

POA is a legal document authorizing one person to perform specific tasks on behalf of another, such as handling bank accounts, managing expenses, etc., depending on what the person who is bestowing the POA wants. While I'm not a lawyer, I don't think that a POA enables the person holding it to restrict other family members from seeing or doing things with the person for whom he/she has POA. Having POA does not make your sister your Mother's keeper, it just allows her to take care of tasks that your Mom apparently can no longer take care of herself. Does your sister have regular POA or durable POA? There are differences in the two which would/could affect how your Mom's situation might be handled. There is also a difference between POA and guardianship. I believe a person has to file a petition for guardianship and there may be court appearances included. It's no simple matter. While it's understandable that your sister wants to take her duty as POA seriously, it sounds like she may either be going to an extreme or perhaps doesn't realize what her exact duties or responsibilities are!

Having Guardianship and POA is a big legal responsibility, but it doesn't mean you have to turn yourself into a jail warden. I believe she is within her legal rights, but the "NO ONE" dictum seems rather extreme. Your sister may have some control issues if there isn't any valid reason why she should object to your Mom visiting with family members or going out for a meal or other activity outside the facility on occasion. I can understand her need to know what the plan is, where she will be, who Mom is with, etc. when she is not going to be inside the facility for whatever reason. It's just a matter of her being legally responsible for your Mom, taking that seriously, and needing to know where or who she is with, to put her own mind at ease - but it seems as if she's taken the responsibility a step too far by forbidding anyone to take her out at all. I believe it would be reasonable for her to expect anyone, even a family member, to communicate with her when someone wants to take Mom out of the facility, and where they plan to go. She basically has a need to know what a person has in mind to do with Mom when they want to take her out, so she is not left in the dark. Even family members should have the courtesy of letting her know if they plan to take Mom out when they visit. For instance, you might give her a call, and say, "Hey Sis, I have some free time on Saturday and I plan on seeing Mom. If the weather is good I might take her out to lunch or dinner and I'll make sure she's back in time for her meds unless the nurse will give me the meds she needs to take (at a certain time)." You might ask her if there is anything you could pick up from her to bring to Mom (like if she had done Mom's laundry and would appreciate your delivering it). If your sister is reasonable person, she might respond with "OK," thanks for letting me know - have a good time and give her a kiss for me." She might even ask you to call her later and let her know how things went and if you both enjoyed yourselves, or if Mom needed anything that one of you could bring her on the next visit. It's just a matter of respecting her legal responsibilty by staying in communication and keeping her on the same page with everyone else. Family members or not, I think being made aware of Mom's outside activities and wherabouts is not an unreasonable expectation. Maybe you could have a heart-to-heart talk with her and find out why it is so important to her that her Mom does not ever leave the facility. Wouldn't she feel like a prisoner if someone did that to her? What is she afraid of? Is she distrustful of any family members? Would she feel better if the communication were on the level I described above? If the facility is diligent, they must require anyone who takes a patient out of the facility to sign her out including date and time. If she is really that concerned, she could require the staff to call and inform her when anyone attempts to take Mom out for any reason. In your case, as the sister, if you have already informed her of your intentions, she could call ahead to the facility and let them know your are coming to take Mom out for the day and that she is already aware of your plans. I hope, for your sake, that this is just a "need to know" issue, which in my opinion she is entitled to as POA. Good luck!