I am private caregiver, currently caring for 82 year old male suffering from dementia. This client will not go for walks, play any type of games. Only wants to read. I was asked to come in for only few hours so wife could get out. I do the laundry. In between loads i will sit and read. He has been very nasty to me saying doesnt need a babysitter and asked me to leave. I explained to him the laundry has to be done and he says his wife can do it. Last time I did leave, called the wife explained what happened, she was understanding. Now wife explained to me he gets upset when you sit and read, well not sure what else I am supposed to do? He is refusing to do any activities and I finish all the laundry? What do I do?
My family has always read extensively; we still do. Dad might not remember what he ate for lunch (nor do I most of the time, if I even remember to eat), but ask him about starting the engines on a B-29 and away he goes! And I'll still be gardening in my mind even if ever do become unable to otherwise think.
Since he's a prolific reader, I suspect he taught lit rather than grammer. Do some research on your own, identify authors of various literary periods, read some, then ask for his advice on some aspect.
So much of classic literature deals with societal issues rather than just a narrative. Zero in on those issues and try to initiate a discussion with him, perhaps just starting off by asking what he might recommend.
Play to his ego, flatter him, and he might come around. That might make the conversations last longer.
Another way to initiate a conversation about specific literature is to read one of the classics, deliberately misinterpret some aspect, and ask his opinion. He might react contemptuously, but at least he'll react. And, if he's typical of many teachers, he'll want to correct any misinterpretation, and that could lead to a more lengthy conversation.
I’m dyslexic- so if I was in your situation AND I thought he’d be open to it - I’d ask some “student” like questions regarding things I never understood in school - some basic rules in sentence structure and the like. It might make him feel more comfortable if he thought he was resuming a “teaching” function. It might aid in him feeling useful as well.
Also - depending on what he taught- you could say something like - you have a high school age niece who needs some extra credit at school - what books does he recommend...
Lastly - someone mentioned crossword puzzles. Could you get a book of those - let him see you working on one - after a bit approach him with “I’m stumped. I need a eight letter word for...”. See if you can get him involved by way of him helping you rather than the other way around.
My father had a full time paid caregiver at one point- they would sit and talk - my father mainly doing the talking - of some of his adventures as a mountain climber. Anything he might enjoy telling you about?
And, yep, I often did the family's ironing. My client WANTED to, and in her eyes, if I did it, then SHE did it.
I know you said they have a housekeeper- but what about some of those time consuming, tedious chores - things like cleaning tile grout or ironing? Things that take time but don’t take a lot of concentration so you’ll still be able to do the laundry and keep an eye on the man.
Ask the wife about it - make sure she’s okay with it - and maybe ask her to mention it to her hubby so he doesn’t think you’re snooping etc - but all kinds of this type of “busy work” comes to mind - mending hems and buttons, organizing kitchen drawers, ironing sheets and pillowcases - things that perhaps the housekeeper doesn’t do regularly- cleaning mini blinds etc.
It doesn’t sound like much fun - this type of busy work but at least it something to keep you from looking like a baby sitter in the mans eye.
I was VERY aware that I was there 50% for my client and 50% for the daughter and her family with whom she lived.
She had Parkinson's and was very slow to move, so there was that--we did run a lot of unnecessary errands, but this was what gave her a sense of purpose, which is what everyone needs.
Weirdly enough, she also LOVED it when I sang. So, I sang a lot, when we drove places and when I was working and she was resting. It was actually, a very dear relationship--although quite exhausting.
Ask the wife if there are more things you can do to stay busy. 4 hours can feel like 10 when you're just twiddling your thumbs.
Your "real" client is his poor wife - as long as you keep her happy, you're doing your job. He's not going to like whatever you do in all likelihood. Just letting her get away is such a blessing to her.
I'm in agreement with heydeb, I think your main duty is to give the wife some respite and if that involves nothing more than sitting unobtrusively out of his sight then that is what you should do.
One day, he said yes, okay. After that, there was no end to the work that needed to be done.
Suggest you ask for a budget ahead of time, help him plant some herbs in a pot while he is outdoors.
Organize a tool box.
Organize a fishing tackle box.
Bring some batteries to replace fire alarms, do a safety check.
But, frankly, I think this man is never going to cooperate. He doesn't want somebody and he'll let you know.
You're in a tough spot; there's no interaction, the wife doesn't want you to read, he doesn't want you to do laundry, so what are you supposed to do?
I'd shift part of this issue to the wife and ask HER what she wants done. Protect yourself.
Do up some interim dishes.
Open the curtains for some light.
Take him to the library to get more books.
Take the dog outside, bring in the cat.
Empty the trash.