Pure selfishness and no-win scenarios. WHY!!!!
I just got off the phone with my 89 year old Mom who is blessed to have good health, mobility and very capable. HOWEVER, she has been very selfish the entire time we’ve had her living next door to us. She plays the hypochondriac whenever something needs to be done that she does not want to do and this has been happening more and more. I work full time and she has no problem with calling at work to complain about nothing. Then when I tell her I need to go to work she responds with “I’ll let you get back to your “little” job”. 😠.
It’s infuriating and shows no respect for me. I’ve tried so many times that I can’t even count them to get her involved with the senior center so she can have a helper come in a few hours a week and give her a hand with all of the “To do” items that she piles on me on a daily basis. Many of these things she can and should do for herself. She refuses the outside help, of course. Just this week she wants to go grocery shopping which she says she really enjoys doing but every morning this week she calls me at work to gripe and complain about all of her ailments and how if she goes to the store without me she knows she will just pass out in the middle of the store. Crazy insane. I do take her shopping on a pretty regular basis because she goes through this angst almost every time she has to go out of the house on her own. It drives me crazy because all she does is complain that she has nothing to do. No-win scenario. Crazy!!
How do I set boundaries if she is old and I'm her only child around?
I'm self employed and I have to work, I support my own family.
I am beyond exhausted with her needs and wants.
Help
You need to figure out what your mother's legitimate needs are (not her wants) and what her resources are. One way to do that is to call your local Area Agency on Aging and request a "needs assessment". Make sure that you are there during this assessment.
Many elders will "showtime". In other words, if asked "can you get your own meals, Mrs. Elder?", your mom will say, Oh yes, I can do that. You need to be there to say "well, mom, yes you can take the pre-prepared meals out of the fridge and microwave them, but you have problems working the stove". And so forth.....
You need to determine what mom's resources (SS, SSI, pension, Veteran's benefits, is she eligible for Medicaid).
You go from there.
You have a job, house and family. I set a day out of the week for shopping.
Call once a week and let everything else go to voice mail.
If she's capable of living independently, she should be fine.
Mom knows you have your own, interesting life and she does not. She’s jealous of you. My mom wasn’t a pain in the behind, but she was jealous of me as well. We had a beautiful, large home and she persisted on calling it “a barn”. She said that to my face and to anyone else who would listen. How mean.
If you dont don’t set boundaries with Mom, she will continue. Tell her if she passes out at the grocery, you’re sure someone will call 911 when she hits the floor.