Mom wants to be with me 24/7 and is fantastic at the guilt thing. She doesn't want me going anywhere without her (she lives with me), doesn't want to spend her money on help. I want my life with my husband back but she just doesn't understand. She says she does and then is VERY upset if we go anywhere without her. I honestly can't stand this anymore. She's very controlling yet has alzheimers. Sometimes I just wish it would get worse so she didn't even know me anymore and I could put her in a nursing home. Right now I can't as it's her biggest fear. I'm tired (work fulltime and take care of my disabled hubby) but I want private time with him. Even going to the movies makes her unhappy being alone for 2 hours. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and no one in the family even calls anymore. I'm very very alone other than hubby and he's had it too with her making me feel guilty and sad. My depression is very bad right now but i can't even find time for a psychologist to go to. Not a free minute in my day. HELP
Mom doesn't want to spend any money on help, and it is expensive; but the underlying motive is to maintain her independence, and she always has been quite an introvert. I can understand why it's pointless to argue, reason or explain to a person with dementia but trying to validate and distract does not work with mom. This approach is further impeded by my natural inclination to analyze situations and use reason, especially in highly emotional situations. I'm not trying to be cruel; I'm trying to break through. Now, I'm back to square one again, because respite care is not going to work. I guess eventually people with Alzheimer's go into the end stage when problem behaviours aren't an issue anymore; however, reading about it is distressing. So I'll take the problem behaviors, but wow, are they draining when you have to deal with them all the time.