She has been in assisted living for a little over a year and is currently recovering from a very recently broken hip (not nearly as severe as it could have been), and she now gets around with a walker. The facility she is in is the nicest here, and her family can easily afford it. She has been a friend of mine for several years, and I go to see her once a week. She always tells me, "I have no purpose in life." Before I got to know her well, she had been a social butterfly, plus conducted free self-empowerment workshops for many years. Now she surrounds herself with self-help books she brought with her to assisted living and studies them to see if she could conduct workshops at the facility. However, she can no longer accurately track conversations with even one visitor. And when visitors take turns reading aloud with her (one of her favorite things to do), she has been known to re-read the same page up to five times, unaware that she had just finished reading it. Yesterday she said, "I am sitting here waiting for something good to happen in my life." I replied, "While you are waiting, you could do what is in front of you." But she refuses to participate in 99% of the activities at the facility, saying they are not of interest to her or are too simple-minded. So what do I (and other of her friends) say when she laments, "I have no purpose in life anymore"?
the time to be content with herself. If she has been badly hurt, quiet and meditation or prayer are best. Letting go of things that are no longer important
is a way of letting go of her 'ego' and finding inner peace. Self importance no longer play a part for her, and as she finds inner peace, some of it may come back. It sounds like she has a lot to let go of. Just be gentle and loving and acknowledge that she may be right. If she is depressed, you may want to express concern to her doctor, but in fact this can be essential in ongoing spiritual discovery. Don't worry. Tell her about something meaningful for you.
Of help?
As I have mentioned before, I cannot involve myself with her medical care.
Also, the ALF is not interested in talking to non-family members about her. I very gently tried to speak with a staff member about getting her involved in actitivities there, and I was "blown off."
I think that something she said when she was about 90 years old and recovering from a serious illness gives great insight into her personality, and she said this several months before her family placed her in the ALF. "I want to get back to where I was when I was at 55, busy with all sorts of activities in and out of my home, going to parties, and I want to do it all from 7 AM till 10 PM without a nap!"
I understand your frustration when you see this person whom you care about give up.
You know I'm just 47 and yet I feel like I should be able to do the things I did when I was 25. I can only imagine what a 90 yo must be feeling: trapped in a body that is betraying them mentally and physically; not able to do the things they used to love doing. It is such a reality check when you realize you can't do those things anymore.
There is only so much you can do to help so don't feel bad about it. One thing you might be able to do is throw her a surprise party. It doesn't have to be a huge affair- maybe a few friends from church, a cake and some punch? It sounds to me like she needs to feel needed and right now she feels isolated, trapped. There are no easy answers when the person you're trying to help doesn't want to cooperate. Ultimately it must be up to them.