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Aren't you the poster who chronically complains about your aunt in Memory Care who only has "memory loss" issues but can carry on great conversations? That the MC doesn't cater to Alzheimer's residents, only "dementia " residents and therefore, you have to bring in daily activities for her to do?
Now you're complaining about visitors potentially causing auntie "grave mental harm" by coming to wish her a happy 100th birthday and asking about RESTRAINING ORDERS?
Most people would be thrilled to death their family has the interest to come by and see their loved one in Memory Care because most DON'T.
Your aunt has managed to live to 100! Allow everyone who loves her to celebrate such an awesome milestone, thats my suggestion. Relax and eat some cake.
I think you might be getting just a little bit carried away with thinking you need a restraining order for a 100 year-old's birthday.
If she isn't going to recognize them, what's the harm? Or don't have a party. Or do something low-key where it's just a few family members.
If you went to the police and the court and asked for a restraining order because you don't want certain family members coming to wish the 100 year-old a happy birthday, the police will likely not take you seriously. This is not what restraining orders are for.
A party in a facility.... UMMM the only people that would know about said party would be people that YOU invite. If you don't invite those that you don't want there they won't come. And when people do show up (announced or unannounced) they will be directed to the location of the party. You can restrict anyone that is not invited. I realize that the receptionist at any facility is not a "gatekeeper" but if you have a list of guests and have the guests sign in on a sheet you provide if anyone wishes to sign in and there is no spot for them it is obvious they are not invited and can be turned away. I have to ask...how many people does this 100 year old person actually keep in touch with? IF the 100 year old person IS in contact with people and this person invites them to the party then it is their wish that the guest be there.
To ask for a restraining order for each person you do not want at a party is a gross misuse of the Courts time and you would probably be laughed out of court.
First I have to say that if you're wanting only "normal visitors" to visit then no one will be there including the 100 year old and yourself, as no one is "normal." And what is normal anyway, and who wants to be normal? I know I don't want to be as it sounds awful boring. So if you're wanting only a select number of folks attending this birthday party, then only invite those you'd like to come.
Have any of the people you’re concerned about done anything on record to cause a problem in terms of your relative specifically? If they haven’t, that would make it very difficult to get a restraining order I would imagine. But at the same time, I know that people sometimes have all sorts of unsavory or unbalanced folks in their family or circle who are legitimately bad news so I’m sympathetic to your situation. Where are you holding the celebration?
Another thought is whether it might be feasible to hire a security person just to be on hand day of to keep an eye on things and call police if there are any issues. Might be worth peace of mind?
Thank you for all of your answers. I am not a nut but have experienced a terrible 99th birthday with these same visitors which is why she is in Memory Care and not her own home.
If your mom is going to be 100 , you are probably not a spring chicken. You need to take care of yourself too. MC is probably the best place for her, and most definitely for you. I would say , if you do have a large bday party for mom. Have it in a place with not to many doors, not outside. Have large friends, or hire security to monitor the doors.
You have the ability to ban people from seeing Aunt if u have DPOA or maybe main Caregiver. (I was asked who could see my Mom and who couldn't in her AL) I would have a small party anyway. Too many people will overwhem Aunt. Ask the MC if you can have a small area in the dining room for a small party. Ask that only those on the list you provide should be allowed to visit. That those not on the list be told that family has requested no visitors during that time because a small party is being held. Do not make the party too long. An hour should be enough.
This is a very strange post..... Who could cause great mental harm to someone turning 100??? If you know who these people are, tell them it's a private party and leave cards/gifts at the front desk. Tell mom they couldn't make it but they sent something for her. I don't understand this at all, what are you so afraid of? If it's people that you have issues with, bite your tongue, it's your moms birthday!
Even IF you were able to secure a restraining order - and I don't know how easy it would be to get one in Wisconsin, at least in NY it's not overly difficult to obtain a temporary restraining order - that is no guarantee that the people you don't want there won't come anyway.
And then what? You call in the police to make arrests? For people wanting to see someone on their 100th birthday? How do you think that will play out in your mom's residence? Have you considered how upsetting it might be to mom to see people hauled away in handcuffs? Or to the other residents in the facility? What happens if the arrest situation becomes "contentious" - ie. people start to fight with the police? How much will this facility put up with from you and your family before they say "sorry, but we just can't provide the services your mom needs anymore" and now you have to find a new place for 100 year old mom? Especially if the situation deteriorates and upsets other residents?
Don't you think it would be better to meet these non-welcome people should they show up, allow them to wish mom happy birthday and then gently escort them away from her? Or move mom away from them if they start any dramatics? Or, as other people have said, just don't mention the party to them (either in person OR on social media, as so many people like to do!!) so they don't know it's going on?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Now you're complaining about visitors potentially causing auntie "grave mental harm" by coming to wish her a happy 100th birthday and asking about RESTRAINING ORDERS?
Most people would be thrilled to death their family has the interest to come by and see their loved one in Memory Care because most DON'T.
Your aunt has managed to live to 100! Allow everyone who loves her to celebrate such an awesome milestone, thats my suggestion. Relax and eat some cake.
If she isn't going to recognize them, what's the harm? Or don't have a party. Or do something low-key where it's just a few family members.
If you went to the police and the court and asked for a restraining order because you don't want certain family members coming to wish the 100 year-old a happy birthday, the police will likely not take you seriously. This is not what restraining orders are for.
UMMM the only people that would know about said party would be people that YOU invite.
If you don't invite those that you don't want there they won't come.
And when people do show up (announced or unannounced) they will be directed to the location of the party. You can restrict anyone that is not invited. I realize that the receptionist at any facility is not a "gatekeeper" but if you have a list of guests and have the guests sign in on a sheet you provide if anyone wishes to sign in and there is no spot for them it is obvious they are not invited and can be turned away.
I have to ask...how many people does this 100 year old person actually keep in touch with? IF the 100 year old person IS in contact with people and this person invites them to the party then it is their wish that the guest be there.
To ask for a restraining order for each person you do not want at a party is a gross misuse of the Courts time and you would probably be laughed out of court.
And what is normal anyway, and who wants to be normal? I know I don't want to be as it sounds awful boring.
So if you're wanting only a select number of folks attending this birthday party, then only invite those you'd like to come.
Another thought is whether it might be feasible to hire a security person just to be on hand day of to keep an eye on things and call police if there are any issues. Might be worth peace of mind?
Best of luck
Who could cause great mental harm to someone turning 100??? If you know who these people are, tell them it's a private party and leave cards/gifts at the front desk. Tell mom they couldn't make it but they sent something for her. I don't understand this at all, what are you so afraid of? If it's people that you have issues with, bite your tongue, it's your moms birthday!
Even IF you were able to secure a restraining order - and I don't know how easy it would be to get one in Wisconsin, at least in NY it's not overly difficult to obtain a temporary restraining order - that is no guarantee that the people you don't want there won't come anyway.
And then what? You call in the police to make arrests? For people wanting to see someone on their 100th birthday? How do you think that will play out in your mom's residence? Have you considered how upsetting it might be to mom to see people hauled away in handcuffs? Or to the other residents in the facility? What happens if the arrest situation becomes "contentious" - ie. people start to fight with the police? How much will this facility put up with from you and your family before they say "sorry, but we just can't provide the services your mom needs anymore" and now you have to find a new place for 100 year old mom? Especially if the situation deteriorates and upsets other residents?
Don't you think it would be better to meet these non-welcome people should they show up, allow them to wish mom happy birthday and then gently escort them away from her? Or move mom away from them if they start any dramatics? Or, as other people have said, just don't mention the party to them (either in person OR on social media, as so many people like to do!!) so they don't know it's going on?
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