Yesterday afternoon, with her son and best friend at her side, my mum took her last breath. It was peaceful and she was surrounded by love.
I had stayed with her from Thursday afternoon until that Friday morning. Then, I felt I needed to go home and rest, but I stayed away too long.
I said to myself that Mum was waiting for her son to be with her, but I know that's just one of the many lies we tell ourselves to feel better.
I am talking myself round to stop feeling bad about little things like that, and I know it will get easier with time. What I can't quite understand is why I feel a little numb.
I sobbed when I went into the bedroom and saw that Mum was gone, and I have cried a few short times since, so it's not that I feel nothing. What I can't reconcile is that everything just feels normal. There's no difference between the world without Mum in it from how it was with Mum in it.
I can't see the ripples where she slipped beneath the surface. It's too smooth, too quickly.
I don't want Mum's passing to be dismissed, as if she had never been and never made a mark on this world (my world). Is this a usual reaction? Will I ever feel this important moment more fully?
As for your question I absolutely think you will, you still have a lot to process and wrap up
With my dad it was a few weeks after. I was getting dinner ready, cutting vegetables, the kitchen TV had hubby's favorite show on . The Rifle Man, very old show , black and white. Mark is the son, he started playing and singing the song, Green sleeves, a beautiful old song, that my dad played on his fiddle all the time. Well I suppose you don't need any more words to know , that the water works started and was a few days till I was able to stop them.
Things are going to be ok Mia , rest assured.🙏😔
Your memory of your dad in that moment was beautiful. :)
You put it so beautifully: the stunning finality. I am actively trying to remember all the good, and how Mum was before the awful stroke that changed her so profoundly. You've given me hope that I will do so. :)
Allow yourself time now to grieve your mum however you see fit. And more importantly take this time to be good to yourself. Your mum would want that for you.
God bless you.