My care got downplayed by APS. I live at my mother's house and pay for it every month. I had to sell my condo years ago to pay all her dues she owed. Now I made a few mistakes then APS got involved and then a domino effect with APS calls. Omg here comes my brother to the rescue since when? He never even came to take her to a doctor's appointment and never visited that often. Even when my dad was around, we couldn’t get along with common law wife who in fact kept grandkids away from us. I know my mom hates it there with them but cannot say anything because of speakerphone and his wife has put my # on block. So has my ungrateful niece. So going backwards, APS calls me and says your mother is being picked up tomorrow by your brother. They came like a thief in the night and took her. After being with her 50 yrs I’m sick and devastated and I supposedly have MPOA over her. Don’t get me wrong, my mom loves my brother, too. I am the baby and vowed to my dad I would take care of grandma. I never got a letter from APS about anything of anything. Then the social worker told me she would be back in three weeks. I have 3 witnesses and haven’t heard from her since then. My brother tells me that social worker tells him that she would never return. There’s no will or POA right now because of her dementia early onset. What do I do? I have no money for an attorney.
You've given a very instructive example, thank you.
In that example, your mother was home continuing her recovery from hip surgery. She required skilled nursing. On the occasion you describe, the skilled nursing service could not be delivered to her.
The question isn't whose fault that was, or what the reasons were, or whether there were other issues to deal with as well; and it certainly isn't who has been the more dutiful son over the years. The question is: could your mother access the services she needed living in that location with the support she had there? - and the answer, at least once, was no.
It is natural, I'm not blaming or judging you, to feel that you're being accused of something when APS or similar people intervene. But I promise you, that won't be what they're interested in right now.
When we go to a client's house and the client's circumstances are sub-optimal, we're not looking at whether X or Y is to blame for her not having hot water, or being left alone for too long at a time, or being found in wet pads and soiled bed linen. All we're interested in is the practical problems and how to solve them.
APS have arranged for your mother to be taken to your brother's home, and he must have undertaken to be responsible for ensuring that her needs are met while she convalesces. To you this feels like an accusation - I think you mentioned a smear campaign to cover up medical mistakes - but a) no it isn't, or not yet anyway; and b) it isn't the point. She has enough support there. She didn't have enough support living in her own home with you living upstairs and contending with a broken phone.
At this time, she needs an environment and support appropriate to her needs. No, maybe it isn't your fault you didn't hear the nurses, but that isn't the point. The point is that she needed their care and she didn't get it.
What does she and what do you want to happen next and in the near future? Focus on where you want to get to and work with APS to plan it out.
I'm sorry for the stress you're going through. Have you tried contacting the social worker yourself?