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Sabine, sometimes people here see things through a lens of experience which makes them write things which are unkind and unhelpful. It is hard to be a caregiver, for any duration, for any person, and even harder as the ground rules for the caregiving shift. As you read the comments here, don't take them all personally. Sometime people judge someone as a way to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with you, and don't let it.
I think the advice you are getting about getting together with your friend to find the next solution is spot on. As dangerous as that talk may sound to you, it is more dangerous to not change anything, or to split the scene and run. Good luck to you!
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I have been doing this for 7 years, my mom lives with me, am I burned out ? YES but there is no other option but to care for her, she cannot afford assisted living, I get maybe 7 days a year off when my sister stays with her so my husband and I can get a week off somewhere and your burned out after 3 months, yes to me that is selfish, was she burned out for you after 3 months??
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Sabine, you have no reason to feel guilty. You all agreed to an arrangment that sounded reasonable (especially to people who had never done 24/7 care). You gave it your best shot. It isn't working out. First of all, the 3-way split of care duties became a 2-way split, and a little extra cash become a very very little cash and the reliable car became unavailable. I'd say this plan has come apart at the seams and you have nothing to feel guilty about as you extract yourself from it.

But don't leave your sister/friend high and dry. This isn't her fault either and she really needs your support right now. I think the best way to help her is to get on the Internet, get on the phone, and research what is available for her mom. She is not responsible for her mother's financial well-being. There are programs to help low-income elders. Medicaid comes to mind immediately, and there are other state and county programs that can at least ensure your friend doesn't drown in debt on her mother's behalf. One way to start your research is to contact the Social Services department in your county. Ask for an assessment of "Mom's" situation. Another avenue to go down is the Alzehiemer's Association in your state. They know lots about community resources.

Some people think that financial assistance for the elderly is only available if they are in long term care facilities. That is not true. There are programs specifically for keeping elders in the community, and Medicaid will transition from home care to institutional care if that becomes necessary. I think it would be a great service to help your friend find out about these things.

And while you are in research mode, look into what you can do to get on your own feet and live independently. You deserve it.
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Also, I have not received any money from my sister, with the exception of $75 she gave me last Saturday. I don't want to be greedy, but I buy my own toothpaste, shampoo, etc.
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I feel sorry for your friend, especially since she's going to go broke eventually taking care of her mom. You, on the other hand, even though you might feel guilty, can leave this life, but she's trapped. I think you both need to put your heads together and find a solution for BOTH of your problems, her mom. Tell her you love her like a sister, but you can't do this anymore and you're afraid that she's going to down the toilet eventually if she keeps it up. Help her, other than becoming a caregiver yourself, but find a way to help her regardless. Neither one of you can keep this up.
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