We've been checking out independent living facilities but I'm worried that it won't be long before she needs assisted living. How do I know which she needs?
I'm worried that all the things I do for her now, I'll still have to do for her when she moves and then, what's the point? I mean I know there are way more reasons to move rather than stay in her home alone but should I be looking for assisted living instead?
If she moves into IL and then has to move to AL is one thing.
But you mention she has Alzheimer's. If that is the case you may also be looking at a move to Memory Care.
If you are already doing a lot to help her live independently then she really is not independent.
Make the move to AL.
In AL she can get help but I am sure you will still be asked to do what you have been doing. You need to set boundaries and make it understood that you can not continue to help out.
If she does not understand that and if she really is not as cognitively "together" maybe you should be considering a move to MC and not IL or AL.
Is there a possibility that she will walk away from either IL or AL? If they take her on an outing to the store will she return to the van at the proper time? Will she wander away from the store? What if she says something about needing to get to the store and another resident offers to take her because they are going out anyway. How would she manage on her own?
I will say that I am a firm believer that a person diagnosed with dementia should not be living in IL or AL unless they are living with someone that will monitor them. (for example a couple living in IL or AL and one has dementia as long as the other is able to care for the other)
In AL both times, we could not monitor everything being 1300 miles away.
Then he dies and we have to move his wife to MC, then move her again as she is running out of money.
4 moves in less than 3 years....oh yah also had to move our mother from NC to FL, again to be near us, she is in AL, moved her into a 1 bed then into a studio, preserving her money.
Too much!
She can not be in independent living with dementia either , she needs 24/7 supervision by a medical staff .
They get her moved to the ALF and she is 'truly' assessed and it came back that she wasn't even qualified for MC, she needed to be in a psych facility under 24/7 lockdown. Just goes to show how family can have such grand concepts of how someone is--and how they actually are.
MIL spent 8 miserable days at the ALF (it was lovely, really) not knowing where she was, who she was, who any of her kids were. One or two of them had to be with her 24/7, the facility couldn't handle her. Mercifully, she died--and there was no grief evident.
Go in first for an assessment!!!!! OB is a psychologist and I sat there and listened to him telling the DON that she was capable of pretty all her ADLs. This--knowing full well she had not bathed in any way, shape or form for over a month. And that she was biting people and having screaming fits. That she was incontinent and hadn't eaten any more than 300 calories a day for a year.
The facility was VERY angry at the lies they were told, altho, in fairness, they shouldn't have let OB's many degrees of education mean anything to them. He was desperate to get her placed and I think lied to get her accepted.
AS bad as it was--the day they moved her OB commented "We should have done this 5 years ago".
Please take our situation as a warning!
I am caring for my mother Evelyn, who is 97 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, and heart disease.
OP, your mother belongs in Memory Care Assisted Living. Not regular Assisted Living and certainly not Independent Living! If you have to continue doing 100 things for mom, what's the point of managed care? The idea is for you to get a break from caregiving and allow the staff to see to moms myriad needs at 97 with dementia. My mother lived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years and was taken great care of by the staff until she passed at 95.
Good luck to you.