I have been caring for my very ill father for almost two years on top of my own illnesses and for the past few months I am totally exhausted. What is there to suggest when your parent will not go to a respite place so you can get a rest? I have pleaded for this and it is not working. Even Hospice has talked to him about it. I thought I would feel guilty even asking but I know and my body is telling me that if I do not get a rest I will end up in the hospital. It is a hard situation and one that has me depleted of energy, let alone what it is doing to my teenage son as well. We want the best for my father but he is difficult to manage at times and I do not think he realizes due to his illness how much of a toll it is taking on me. I do not get the family support like I wish I did as well as everyone is too busy or does not want to come here. The stress has me getting sicker as the days go on even though he stays in bed all day I still have to be on guard for him falling, meds, etc. Any suggestions. He is my father I love him and he is a Vet as well. It has been the hardest two years of my life. I am 55. Thank you.
Please don't put it off. No matter what ANYONE says. HUGS!!!
I too got sick , hospitalized and was critical. 8 years of CG. I still have mom in respite, over a month now. And I still can't bring her home. She is better off. I am. Better off. I hate that I "failed" to carry on to the bitter end, but it was her or me. I was drained to the point I was actually "trudging" by body to move and do the hard work. Now everyone tells me how much better I look, the stress is lifted.
DO IT. Let yourself heal. Non-caregivers do not understand.
There are so many options available to you. I hope you will find one that your father will be happy with. It would be so much easier if we weren't related to the people we care for. People often are concerned with losing their independence if they have to go to a facility, even for a little while. If you reassure him it is only for a set number of days, then perhaps he will be reassured. You have probably already done that, but maybe if you do it a couple of more times, he'll understand.
We run into so many tough situations when it comes to elder care. Sometimes people comment that it is like taking care of children. And I think it is nothing like that, since you can make kids do what you want them to. Getting an elder to do something seems to require an act of Congress. Often we get discouraged and give up. I hope you don't get discouraged until you get the rest you need.
On one more note I do not know either if I should be disclosing comments about my Dad, the VA or Hospice. Please let me know if I am out of line in my comments. I respect the respected and being new to this I am unsure. I am a pretty private person but am also a writer and love to interact with like-minded people.
I see your father is living in your home. This is a very difficult situation, since he is in bed all day. Would Hospice do the transport and handle the respite time? Making it seamless would make it easier. What kind of accommodations are in place.
If you have made good plans, I would tell him what the plan is and give no options. Tell him you are going to be away, so there would be no one to take care of him. He may then see he has no options.
Please don't let him discourage you from taking care of yourself. We all need a break. I'm sorry that the rest of your family is not there for you.