I am concerned about sexual relations in mom's Memory Care unit. I see there are no policies and am aware at times this may bring happiness to some residents. However, for a person with Alzheimer's, and not in their right mind, how do you know if this is proper? Mom has been "caught" with another man in her room. Am I being the overprotected Daughter or trying to preserve her dignity? She is 90 years old.
A friend of mine has a 90-year-old mother in memory care who developed a loving relationship with a 99-year-old gentleman patient. She told her daughter that they discussed sleeping together, not for sex but just for the cuddling, closeness and secure feelings that it brings.
Everyone needs to be loved and hugged, that is just who we are.
My ex is in an AL facility. There is a lady there that still likes men in that way. As one old guy said, "She came to MY room and so I gave her what she came for".
18-30 Tri-weekly
30-50 Try weekly
50-70 Try weakly
70+ Stick to beer.
I mean goodness, as a society we struggle enough, don't we, with issues around sex and consent even without chucking the sand of dementia into the works. How do you know if there's consent? A million and one juries worldwide are still out...
Try to take the "aaargggh ohmygod sex" element out, look on it as a safeguarding issue aiming at the protection of dignity, autonomy and wellbeing for both parties, and take it from there: all you're trying to do is ensure that neither person is made uncomfortable in any way without unnecessarily restricting them. When it's a question of something so individual and personal it wouldn't be right for a facility just to introduce a blanket ban.
To us, it may seem that there can never be anything dignified about extremely elderly, mentally frail people canoodling. But perhaps it might help to remember that teenagers feel exactly the same about us.