I have a difficult mother who is NOT going to make it easy for me to perform duties of an executor. In fact, I am considering NOT accepting this responsibility because: 1) we have basic trust issues 2) Her will and valuables are in a safe deposit box without a co-signer - I'm not sure I can even gain access ! 3) I live in a different state 2,000 miles away 4) My mother has a brother who is ALSO a difficult individual to deal with who will be sticking his two cents in. 5) NO Power of Attorney or any guardianship rights !
My mother does NOT own a home, only has an apartment so I don't have to deal with real estate transactions - just possessions in her apartment. It's going to be a mess, I know. Can anyone clue me in on what I am in for and how long will it take ?
thanks !
dmy
If not then don't.
If she has asked you then you need to be given the "tools" that will make it easier for you to do your job.
If she refuses then tell her that you can not be an effective executor and tell her that she needs to find someone else that will do it.
You will need to get papers to the bank to gain access to her safe deposit box. It will probably have to be on the bank's own form.
See an elder law attorney in Nevada to make sure everything works with Nevada law. Some changes may need to be made.
Probate in my state can't be closed for 8 months. I had to wait for the sale of her house. She had no debts. Taxes and Medicaid were paid off from proceeds from the house. If when your Mom has no money, then there is no probate. Debts can't be paid. You r not responsible personally for the debts. Unless she has some expensive items, you can just get rid if anything. Whatever is in her Will is what you carry out. Uncle can do nothing. You as her child are above him.
I think you maybe getting worked up over nothing.
Yes, executor duties start upon death. That said, challenging people can leave challenging wills and instructions.
I was going to be Mom's executor. I asked to see the ENTIRE will, not just the signature page, so I could go over it with her and know exactly what was what. I. the end, on the advice of attorney, she agreed to shred the will (which was invalid in our state, but would have made life difficult for me if existing), but I went over her bequests and honored them outside probate. Mom had absolutely no assets, so process was simple.
However, regardless of your relationship with Mom, as executor you will be responsible for disposing/giving/sorting/selling/donating all her stuff. This can be hard physically, mentally and emotionally - not tp to mention hidden costs, like travel, hauling, advertising sales, etc. If Mom doesn't have money for this. then UGH.
Part of your decision should be based on on whether you can handle it. You live far away. That will be a challenge. Where will you stay? Who can be there to help you? What does her lease say about vacating the apartment after death? That will tell you how long you have.
If you aren't concerned about what charity or enitity or trashman gets the un-bequeathed items, that simplifies the job.
(Also, what are her bequeaths? Will those people be present for distribution or will you have to mail or ship them?)
Bottom line:
Get the facts on Mom's wishes, will and funeral/cremation policies.
Require Mom to give you access NOW to her safety box, etc.
Consult an attorney about whether you must probate.
Decide what you can do, what you can handle. Would you be ok with court appointed, another family member, or other person/entity being executor?
PS. If you're executor, as long as you are the SOLE executor, the brother can intervene as much as YOU allow him.
AlvaDeer is correct: once your mother passes, you can decline being the Executor. But as she notes, that has to be done through the court system.
An alternative to consider (if your mother would agree to do so) is to have your mother name an elder law attorney in her local area as Executor instead. That way they are already in place when the time comes, and you don't have to deal with court dates, talking to a judge, etc. later.
Her estate will be required to pay for whomever takes on the work whether you hire them or the court does, so it's worth considering whether it's easier in your situation and with your given circumstances to put a replacement in now or or to decline through the courts later.
Personally -- faced with my own problem family and difficult, secretive parent whose estate and affairs were about as organized as a clown car crossed with a magician's hat -- I've gone the route of having an elder law attorney named by my father as Executor now. If I'd remained as Executor, I'd have had to hire them anyway to get anything done, so it made the most sense to just cut to the chase.
By the way, with a death certificate and your birth certificate you can speak to a bank manager to gain access to the safe deposit box. Obviously this must be done in person. If you do not have a copy of the will, there would be other legal steps that must be taken first. My husband did this with my MIL's box, but it did take a couple of weeks. This will simply add to the time that you would need to take off from your work and your own life.
In our state Mom's estate will not be officially settled until one year after her death. The sister who has signatory authority to Mom's checking account needs to keep that open until she can close it next June. Then she will divide whatever is left (if anything) after the monthly charges between the 5 sibs. I have already written a letter requesting that my share, if any, be reassigned to the sister who has done most of the annoying paperwork.
You are also right that family members can make the job even more difficult. You really don't need this hassle. If you really don't care what happens to the keepsakes in her apartment, you may want to sidestep this chore. It is simple enough to say that you do not have the legal training or the time to settle an estate 2,000 miles away.
I am quite happy and relieved that my sisters took on these responsibilities. It took far more time and effort that anyone would have expected. You certainly have a right to refuse to take it on.
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