It never bothered me at the beginning, but now after almost 10 years, I find it patronizing. This is mainly because these are the same people who constantly ask how I'm doing/how my Mom is doing, yet will not lift a finger or even offer to help me. Most of the time they just walk away, stop communicating, etc, leaving me constantly feeling let down and isolated.
Find a caregivers group in your area, so you can get a meaningful hug from someone that really understands.
xoxo
susan
Do you want them to offer to help?
Do you want them to say "it must be so hard"?
Do you want them to suggest resources?
I have had all of the above said to me when my mom was ill. I have SAID all of the above to friends.
Frankly, its NEVER the right thing to say. Because you just want the burden lifted.
No one can do that but you. Are you burning out? What are the resources that can be tapped?
Care giving is a solitary job, isn't it? You find, though the years, that there aren't many (if any) people you can really rely on to help you, or to even listen to you vent.
Look into getting some hired help; these people are paid to listen, to do chores and errands, and sometimes, they wind up caring MORE than the so-called 'friends' and family members who ask empty questions with no concern for your answers.
Good luck!
Are you annoyed with them or with yourself?
I am an RN and one thing I believe is we are not all cut out to be caregivers.
We dont all have the patience or energy for it. That doesn't mean you dont want the best for your mother. As a nurse I have seen and experienced a lot of things; some of it very good and some very bad.
There are caregivers who have endless patience and energy and truly enjoy spending hours caring for, not just their own loved ones, but the loved ones of others too. There are also people who just dont have the patience, stamina, skills or emotional capacity to deal with people who are ill. Those people have talents and abilities that are RIGHTLY served elsewhere. I am not saying this is you. In fact I am speaking in generalities here for anyone who might be reading. Only you can decide if this is a temporary feeling on your part, or if you need to find some other way to care for your loved one. Not being able to or even wanting to care for a loved one is not a sin, if I were ill I want someone to care for me who WANTS to be there, not someone who is forced to. If I had to choose a daughter who could come see me happy VS a daughter who was tired, mentally exhausted, depressed....ect ect ect I would choose a happy daughter and assisted living, home health aides or someone else. People can only give their best to others when they feel their best. Sometimes being a caregiver is not meant for everyone. It takes a lot of self reflection to truly decide what is best for a loved one. Other people dont know and are just trying to be nice. If you want answers for a situation you are not happy with that starts with you.
Find your "tribe" - people who understand (like here) and can give you what you need. When you find people going the "you're such a good ______" route realize they are not going to be part of your tribe.
So tired of hearing that crap from so called friends or family!
I feel like saying you wanna help? Send over some prepared food once in awhile or pay my mom’s lawn cutter or ask if she needs some money to pay a necessity bill or (before COVID-19) come over and watch her for a few hours so I can get some respite...something, anything!