I haven't been away from home for several years. I retired a year ago, so I don't need a vacation. But, my husband wants to go to a WW2 convention and I am going with him. My mom is 88 years old and lives alone. My brother stays with her three or four days a week. However, he won't do anything for her except in an emergency. He will take her to a doctor or call for an ambulance. She is doing OK right now. We will be leaving in mid - October. But she tells me she might need me and to send her the hotel phone number and dates I will be gone. I told her I would. Two days later she asks if I sent the letter. I didn't yet. I tell her I will send it in a couple of days. She repeats that she may need me. And that she guesses she will have to call the hotel if she does need me. I feel guilty when she says this. She has no one to help her when there are problems except me. There are no friends for relatives left. I don't want to have to never go away for a week until she dies. The conference is a week. I can't make it shorter. If there is a health emergency I have to come home early, but hoping not. I could make phone calls from the hotel for her if necessary. She is not trying to manipulate me. She has anxiety disorder (I have it too), plus she does have health problems.
I don't know a lot about treating anxiety, but I would think it would be helpful to realize that you are not dependent on a single person or thing for emergencies. If she does need help while you are gone it makes far more sense for her to reach out to someone who is physically closer. She can notify you from ER or after she has been helped.
If Mom really is not capable of calling 911 or her son or pushing an alert button, then she should probably be in respite care while you are gone. If she successfully lives alone, that seems kind of drastic to me, but it is an option.
You deserve an outing. Your husband deserves to have you travel with him. Go. Have fun.
Yet when my parents were my age, they were traveling all over the place without a care in the world. I keep wondering when will my time come as I am aging, too.
It is really so wonderful that you and your mother are a comfort to each other in dealing with your anxiety disorders. I am so glad you have each other! But truly, you can both be separated for a week without terrible things happening.
Are you being treated for your disorder? Maybe your doctor or therapist can help reassure you about this outing.
If an emergency arises, and she contacts you, you can call 911 (the only route you should take in an emergency) and call your brother to alert him. He can then meet her at the hospital. Have your brother call her every day while you're gone.
Buy a Realtor lock box for your front door (You should have one even if you don't go away) in which you keep the key to the house. They generally require one to push a 4-number combination to open and access the key. If she keeps her storm door locked, be ready to instruct paramedics (on the phone) to break the storm door lock; they'll get the combination from you so that they can get in the house. Tell them everything they'll need is in an envelope on her fridge. Tell them you're out of town, but will immediately be contacting her son who lives close by as soon as you can.
In a big brown envelope marked PARAMEDICS (in bold-tipped Magic Marker) put the following: a list of her medications and dosages; a list of her primary ailments, for instance: Diabetic; Congestive Heart Failure; Mild Parkinson's Disease; include your contact information and your brother's contact information.
They now have everything they need to get your mom professional care even if NO ONE is available to go with her. These precautions should be taken even if you WEREN'T going out of town.
And don't hop the next plane, for Heaven's sake. Get hold of your brother, ask him to meet her at the hospital, wait an hour or two and call the emergency room to find out if she's just there for a tune-up or something more serious is going on.
When your brother gets there, have him call you on his cell if he has one and let you talk to mom to reassure her that she's going to be just fine; her son is going to watch after her, and if it's anything serious, you're on the next flight home.
Have a wonderful trip. You deserve it.
GO and have a GOOD TIME.
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