My parents are currently living 60 miles away (mom is late 60s and healthy, dad is mid 70s and basically healthy, but overweight and doesn't move as fast as he used to). My mom drives up to our house and stays with us 2-3 nights a week to babysit my 1 year old while I work part-time, mostly from home. We do not have any other family nearby and so do not have childcare on the weekends or days when I'm not working. My husband and I are starting to try to get pregnant with a second child and are debating moving into a larger house so my parents can live with us for childcare purposes (this would be a 3000+ sq ft house and everyone would have their own bed and bathroom. We can afford the move so money is not an issue). My mom is already living with us basically half the time, does not enjoy the long drive, and is unhappy with their current living situation renting in a senior mobile home park, so she is on board with the move. We also get along quite well. My dad is more ambivalent about it because he has other family and friends near his current home. He is also quite loud and can get on my nerves when I visit for a long weekend. Basically, I'm concerned that if my parents continue to live far away, childcare will be difficult with 2 children. I'm also worried my mom won't be able to handle the long drive. On the other hand, if my parents move in with us, I'm afraid we could drive each other crazy and am also afraid of unexpected caregiver responsibilities should their health go downhill. My husband is easygoing and says he doesn't have any preference. If anyone has any experience with a similar situation, I'd love to hear about it. Thank you!
Why are you relying on your mom for childcare?
If your mom wanted a more "spendy" lifestyle, she could easily get employed by a childcare center or school.
This whole arrangement smacks of codeoendence to me
I think that is a wise decision.
You consider moving them in with you to continue to benefit from the child care arrangement. Then turn around and say you are afraid of becoming 'unexpected' caregiver if their health fails. Failing health for seniors should never be on the list of 'unexpected' happenings. All in all, this would be a cozy arrangement for you as long as mom can take care of current kid and one in the planning stage IF dad could be a little more sedate in his ways. Dad is smart to want to stay where he is so he can continue to enjoy being around people who enjoy being around him. His personality and voice level is not going to change if he moves to your house. And, it doesn't sound like you are prepared for any benefit of care to be extended to mom if she can no longer be the babysitter.
I don't think this would be a win for the parents in any sense of the word. You move them both to get day care from mom, dad misses his friends and irritates you. Good health is promised to no one. Should one or both of them suddenly need care, it doesn't sound like you are going to step up to that plate. If you are only working PT and finances are not an issue, why not be a FT mom to current kid and the one being planned - then invite mom to come for real visits, not to work. And be able to go visit them for a few days at a time, too.
The only other plan I can think of IF both are interested: Get a property that has a separate living quarters for parents. Mom close by to help you out, if that is her desire. Dad can't irritate you. Don't charge them any rent or utilities or food. When the day comes they need caregiving service, let all of their own income be tossed toward the cost of home health. You're going to have to be willing to help them when they need help if you plan to depend on mom to help you now.
Maybe you should re-read your post to completely understand how my answer came to be what it is.
I get the difficulty in finding good affordable child care, I have family facing the same challenges right now. IF the parents are willing to uproot their lives to move closer IMO a shared multi-generational household is the least desirable way to accomplish that, much better that they have their own separate home. And it's not a grandparent's responsibility to provide free childcare, even if they lived next door.
Think about what your life will be like a few years down the road if you move your parents in with you.
A toddler, a baby, and two elderly people. Mind you old folks love babies and little kids. Especially their grands. It's a different story when they live with them though. Your parents will get tired of that situation fast. Then you will be dealing with two fussy, ornery elderly people along with a toddler and a baby.
I'd think long and hard on this one before you do anything, my friend.
Bonus points if single floor
If you can afford a 3000 sq ft house you can afford to pay someone to care for your kids. I hope you pay Mom something. It costs her gas to drive there and her time. I charged my daughter. 5 years later it got us a nice trip to Universal as a family.
We don't pay my mom- we have offered multiple times, but she refuses to accept it. We have helped my parents out financially in other ways though, including several out of state vacations. I would rather quit my job than pay for childcare because childcare in my area costs more than I make.
Bottom line, It sounds like you are using your mom and dad as babysitters, your dad doesn’t want to move due to his connections. Your folks are my and my husbands age and I can’t even imagine living with my children. I would want my own space. Don’t do it is my opinion.
If your parents want to live closer to you, it should be in a separate house or apartment. Do not "move them in for childcare. "