My father's going to to be released from hospital to have in-home hospice care within days. My mother who has dementia, is currently staying with family member while he's been in the hospital. He's 97 and she's 91. Been married 72 years. Should we bring her back home to see Dad? Don't want to cause her undue stress while happening. Before he went into hospital, he was moaning, etc. My mother left the bedroom on her own and came into living room saying she'd rather be with us, like the situation overwhelmed her. He may ask her to stay home with him until he passes. Her dementia phase is she needs ADL, knows close family names, can eat, needs someone with her 24/7, very short term memory and incontinent. She's most afraid of being left alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Many of us do not understand what dementia sufferers go through or feel; what their emotions and thought processes are like. Here is a very eye-opening 33 page article you may want to read to gain a better understanding of what is going on inside your mother's brain nowadays; it gave me a much better insight into my own mother's needs and capabilities, or lack of capabilities, than I've ever had before.
Understanding The Dementia Experience
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
If you are going to take Mom back home, I suggest someone be with her 24/7. You cannot leave her alone to care for her husband. Hospice will not provide 24/7 care. That is up to the family to provide.
My mother had dementia and was still home when my dad became ill and had to be put on hospice. I moved in to care for them during Dad's illness.
Dad had to be in a different bedroom after a couple of weeks because Mom would get up every couple of hours and he wasn't getting any sleep. I also had to deal with her coming to my room in the niight telling me .come was dead when he wasn't. Moving him to the spare bedroom took care of that problem.
By and large, Mom didn't quite understand what was going on, except she would pat Dad's shoulder or hug him more. She never really spoke about what was going on with him or me, but she knew he was very sick. Mostly she kept to her daily routine of sleeping in a chair all day and waking only for meals. Caring for both of them was exhausing, though.
I had a hospice nurse with me when he began to transition, and we brought Mom to be upstairs with him as he passed. I think it was very important for her to be with him, though it was obviously upsetting. It was for all of us.
For the first few days she had a tough time remembering he was gone. She dreaded the memorial service (as did I with her incontinence issues), so I hired an aide to come with us and see to her needs. We were surrounded by loving, supportive friends and family, and in the end, that service was the best thing for her.
Within two months, my mom had completely forgotten my dad, and 66 years of love was gone.